Episode 184: If 90% of People Never Felt Like They "Fit In", Where Does That Leave the Other 10%?
Rachel Druckenmiller Discovered Her Adventurous Spirit by Not Fitting In
"I'm allergic to that."
Podcast cover art with quote
When she arrived in Spain, a shy, incredibly picky eater and study abroad student, that's what Rachel would tell people to avoid having to try new foods. It didn't take long for her to choose to be polite and try the foods, and that simple act of kindness and curiosity became the key to unlocking her adventurous spirit and become, as she says, unmuted.
Rachel's Spanish teacher had suggested that she apply to study abroad saying: "You really have an affinity for this, have you considered studying abroad?" Her immediate response was no, she wasn't interested in leaving her small liberal arts college for a semester. But the adults in her life encouraged her, saying that she would regret not going, and sharing their own regrets for turning down a similar opportunity.
She remembered arriving at the airport in Madrid, which appeared to be in total chaos, especially for a sheltered young woman.
It was her study abroad experience that awakened Rachel to her sense of adventure, which only increased with more experiences outside of her comfort zone, and isn't that always our path toward personal growth?
Podcast cover art with quote and image of Rachel Druckenmiller
A highlight of our conversation was when we talked about our human tendency to underestimate people and things that we make a snap judgment about. We began our conversation on that topic when she told the story of her experience with an eggplant dish presented to her by her host family in Spain. It's not a stretch to apply that lesson to people we meet.
Both of us had stories about our spouses related to this idea:
"If I had never opened the door to the possibility that he could be different than my first impressions of him on the surface, would I have even allowed for that possibility to happen?"
"When we're willing to stay curious and open, things we're not even aware of are possible on the other side of that."
In our conversation I mentioned my friend Shelley Brown's recently published book, Weird Girl Adventures, in the context of allowing our sense of what's weird about us to be a larger part of our best relationships.
When you've listened to the episode, I'm sure you'll want to connect with Rachel on LinkedIn, and be sure to dig into her website to learn more about what she does, and how magically she does it. And check out the song Rachel sang a line from at the end of our call, This is Me from The Greatest Showman.
If you're also curious about the lyrics I shared, here's Mary Mary with Can't Give Up Now.
ABOUT SARAH:
Elkins Consulting logo, image of Sarah Elkins, book cover
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
Audiobook cover art
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 155: Some of the Most Precious Gifts Come from Great Sacrifice
She was miserable in those first few months of her senior year of high school, studying abroad in the United States, thousands of miles from her home and family in Brazil. It’s not because she didn’t fit in, or she wasn’t making friends. What made her miserable was that she was working so hard in academics and sports, and not meeting her own expectations of achievement.
Our Stories Honor Those Sacrifices When We Push Ourselves Out of Our Comfort Zones
Marcela Niemeyer has always been an achiever, driven to be the best at whatever she sets her mind to do. In some families, that can create conflict, particularly when a parent doesn’t have the same drive, and cannot understand why a child would put so much pressure on herself to meet and exceed her goals.
But Marcela’s father understood her. He knew that if she gave up on something, it would haunt her for many years, that she would face regrets and those “what if” questions for decades.
She was miserable in those first few months of her senior year of high school, studying abroad in the United States, thousands of miles from her home and family in Brazil. It’s not because she didn’t fit in, or she wasn’t making friends. What made her miserable was that she was working so hard in academics and sports, and not meeting her own expectations of achievement.
Marcela was starting from scratch when she decided on track & field, her sport at home was swimming. Her placement in the group was the lowest of the athletes, and she wasn’t used to starting at the bottom.
Academics were a struggle too, and for the first time, she saw low grades that crushed her confidence. She called her father: “I want to come home.”
He told her she couldn’t come home. He was adamant that she stay and work through the challenges. He absolutely refused to let her give up, despite her desperate tears over the phone.
As I heard this story, I was moved to tears. I’m a parent, and I know the sacrifice her father made to say those words, to turn away from his child and tell her no, she must continue to struggle. There isn’t much worse for a parent than to witness that pain and not be able to - or to know better than to - fix it for your child.
She’s driven, and her father knew she’d figure out what to do next to make life bearable. Marcela worked hard to improve, finishing the year at the top of her team, and graduated with her class, her mother and father traveled from Brazil to watch her cross the stage and receive her diploma.
Her whole life follows that course, trying things others might be too afraid to attempt, full of curiosity about herself and the world around her, and in a constant state of learning and growing. She’s a force of life.
Enjoy learning more about Marcela Niemeyer, you’ll love her stories, her tenaciousness, and her love for life and people.
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Marcela Niemeyer has decades of experience in a variety of HR roles, and is currently on the lookout for her next adventure. Connect with her on LinkedIn to learn more about her adventurous spirit and her gift for bringing people together, finding the diamond in the rough, no matter where she sits.
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About Sarah:
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 129: Travel IS Education, Academic, Personal, and Cultural
Stories as a Tool to Address Anxiety
Callie Kazakoff was surprised to hear from me, and even more surprised to be asked to be a guest on this podcast.
Callie Kazakoff, Student at Montana State University
"I'm only 20! What do I have to add?"
We met when she participated in my session in a day-long virtual leadership retreat. The topic was storytelling and personal brand, in the context of being intentional in the stories we share, particularly when we want to inspire action, or in client and job interview conversations.
Callie caught my attention when she briefly shared a story about stepping out of her comfort zone by signing up for a Semester at Sea study abroad programs, first semester of her sophomore year of college.
That was the timing of my semester abroad to Australia, and I knew she'd have fantastic recent stories of self-reflection, personal growth, humility, comfort zone expansion, and adventure.
She did not disappoint.
Callie's stories spanned from her unlikely decision, as someone who struggles with severe anxiety, to study abroad, to her recent "ah ha" moment in the middle of an anxiety attack while whitewater rafting for the first time.
She is a wise soul, and I see beautiful adventures in her future.
Don't Lose Your Sparkle
I had the travel bug; I was even more independent. And I was afraid that after a while I'd regress and lose the gains I made when I was away. I knew I had changed, and I didn't want to give in and go back to that sense of entitlement, safety, and the desire for comfort at the cost of adventure, curiosity, and compassion.
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After nearly six months away studying abroad in Australia, and two weeks adventuring in New Zealand, I got off the plane in San Francisco. I planned to stay a couple of days with my brother before I returned home to Colorado to finish my sophomore year at Colorado State University in Fort Collins.
I was wearing a brightly colored sundress and sandals, with a straw hat in my hands. It was January. It was a cold ride in his jeep to my brother's place in Santa Cruz. When we arrived at his house, I walked straight into his room, my sandals slipped off my feet, and I collapsed on my stomach on his bed. Traveling back from New Zealand took two full days, though the calendar hadn't changed. I left on January 7th, traveled for nearly 48 hours, and arrived on January 7th.
Get your filthy feet off my bed! Go wash them right now!
I turned over, puzzled. I had been wearing shoes for the entire return trip, so when I looked down at my feet, leaning forward off the edge of the bed, I was a little surprised. They did look filthy, but they weren't. Both of the bottoms of my feet were dark brown, solid calluses. Gross. That's what your feet look like when you hitchhike barefoot through New Zealand for two weeks.
We had a nice couple of days together swapping study abroad stories. He had spent a year in France a couple of years before I left for my adventure. I was grateful to spend a few days with someone who had done something similar and understood what it was like to come back to the US after a trip like that. Even though I was living in an English-speaking country, the culture shock was pretty intense.
Those first few months back were really hard. Re-immersing myself into the Colorado culture should have been easier. The language was (mostly) the same, many foods were similar, and many of my friends were there when I returned. So why was re-entry such a challenge?
My cousin recently returned from two years as a Peace Corps volunteer in Cambodia. As I think about her re-entry, I'm reminded of some of the emotions and difficulty I had coming back from Australia. It's not the same; she was gone for two full years, in a country without indoor plumbing (generally), completely different foods & culture, and a difficult language barrier. I'm guessing, though, that most people returning from overseas after a few months or more have a hard time, regardless of where they spent that time.
When I was in Australia and New Zealand, I shifted from being independent to being fiercely independent. As a woman, particularly a small woman, people assume I need help with things like luggage, reaching things from high shelves, and car maintenance. As an adult I take advantage of offers of help; back then, especially after my study abroad experience, I found myself bristling, indignant, and somewhat defensive with any offer of assistance. Through gritted teeth:
"I can do it myself."
Looking back, I see things much more clearly. Isn't that always the way? I realize now that part of my difficulty came from fear. In my time away, I had changed. I had grown up in a different way from my friends who didn't leave. I had the travel bug; I was even more independent. And I was afraid that after a while I'd regress and lose the gains I made when I was away. I knew I had changed, and I didn't want to give in and go back to that sense of entitlement, safety, and the desire for comfort at the cost of adventure, curiosity, and compassion. Those are the characteristics I observed around me when I returned to my cozy, spoiled life.
I was afraid that I would lose my sparkle.
It would have been easy to fall back into the routines of my life before living abroad. My family and friends were there to fall back on; life is easier when we allow ourselves to regress to where people expect us to be.
But I didn't. That fear motivated me to keep moving forward. Those observations of the people around me were enough to keep me grounded and motivated to live my life with integrity & consistent growth. Those observations continue to motivate me to be curious and spontaneous. For some people, comfort = happiness. That equation just doesn't fit me.
After my study abroad experience, every day I worked toward something bigger, something that felt like the right next step. Even a small adjustment to each day improved my motivation and kept me from stagnating in my old routine. I changed my walking route to classes each day, sat up front in every class and made sure my instructors knew who I was, set a goal to meet at least 3 new people each week, and kept my eyes open for opportunities -- especially the ones I thought might be out of reach. (That's my internship story, coming in the next couple of weeks.)
I'm so proud of my cousin; she's independent, kind, smart, curious, and adventurous. I know she'll struggle with re-entry, we all do. I also know she'll come out of this part of her life even more motivated to help our communities around the globe. She'll find ways to make her mark in improving the lives of the people around her. She most certainly will not lose her sparkle.
When you get really excited about a possibility, about the world around you, do you let the people around you talk you out of your ideas and dreams? When you return from a great conference, where you were full of energy, do you let the people you come back to pull you back into the groove, losing that momentum?
Have you lost your sparkle lately? It's never too late to find it again. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Surround yourself with people, when they hear what you dream of doing, say "how can I help?"