Episode 123: Magic Saved His Life - Like Magic, Relationships are All About Perspective
Brian Miller wasn’t always super outgoing, a performer, comfortable speaking with an audience As a matter of fact, he was so shy no one could possibly have called him that. No one knew him well enough to insult him in that way. But due to his shyness and severe social anxiety, his peers had plenty of other words to use to insult, demean, and bully him.
Great Stories Start with Conflict and Resolve through Self-Reflection
Brian Miller wasn’t always super outgoing, a performer, comfortable speaking with an audience As a matter of fact, he was so shy no one could possibly have called him that. No one knew him well enough to insult him in that way. But due to his shyness and severe social anxiety, his peers had plenty of other words to use to insult, demean, and bully him.
Brian told me that magic saved his life.
His father and grandfather had always been obsessed with magic and magic tricks. They took Brian to shows, learned their own tricks, and spent time enjoying everything about that form of entertainment. When Brian turned 13, he also picked up a few magic tricks.
One day as he sat eating lunch at the same table as some other non-popular kids (not with them, just sitting at the same table), he asked a few if they wanted to see a magic trick.
They did.
That was it. That was the beginning of Brian's journey toward asshole behavior. Within weeks, he became "that kid who does cool magic tricks", and was suddenly someone his peers found interesting enough to spend time with. He was invited to parties, and even went out with some girls.
But none of his relationships lasted very long. He started to believe his own hype.
Brian said that happens, especially with younger people who suddenly find themselves shifting from invisible to famous. They fall into the trap of ego, and any criticism becomes "he's just jealous", and "she just doesn't understand."
It can take decades, if it happens at all, for people like that to start to see their own role in their unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life. They don't lean into self-reflection until they've already damaged almost every relationship - if they ever lean into it.
But Brian did. A couple of years out of college, he had started his own business as an entertaining magician, and slowly morphed that business into his current speaking, writing, and coaching business. He's a natural when it comes to marketing and entrepreneurial enterprise.
What I found especially inspiring in our conversation was the simple acknowledgement Brian had to make in order to move forward toward healthy, satisfying relationships: I have a role in my dissatisfaction. I can change. I can find happiness.
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Brian Miller is a globetrotting magician-turned speaker who works with organizations who want to create an environment where everyone feels heard, understood, and valued. He is the author of Three New People: Make the Most of Your Daily Interactions and Stop Missing Amazing Opportunities, a personal success guide to connecting with anyone.
Brian’s TEDx talk, “How to Magically Connect with Anyone,” has been viewed over 3 million times worldwide and included on many “Best of TED” lists including “Top 5 TED Talks to Watch Before an Interview” by Kaplan Test Prep.
Episode 122: Storytelling As A Means of Self-Reflection and Change
He looked at his 2 year old son, standing at the foot of the bed where Bryan Falchuck's wife, his son's mother, was wasting away in front of his eyes.
It was that moment when he knew he had to change. To be there for his son in a way he hadn't felt supported as a child, and to be there for his wife in a way he knew she needed, he had to take the steps. Those steps included steps backward, to better understand why he was so compelled to action, so compelled to exploit his anxiety as a tool for professional success.
When Love is a Catalyst for a Shift in Your Story
He looked at his 2 year old son, standing at the foot of the bed where Bryan Falchuck's wife, his son's mother, was wasting away in front of his eyes.
It was that moment when he knew he had to change. To be there for his son in a way he hadn't felt supported as a child, and to be there for his wife in a way he knew she needed, he had to take the steps. Those steps included steps backward, to better understand why he was so compelled to action, so compelled to exploit his anxiety as a tool for professional success.
At a time when money was tight and time was so severely limited, Bryan finally sought help.
It wasn't an overnight shift, following his realization as he looked at his son and wife that day. And he knew it wouldn't be.
He had plenty of evidence of his resilience, persistence, and motivation. As a seriously overweight child and young adult, in his 20s he made the decision to take control of his health and weight and lost 100 lbs. But when his wife got sick and they couldn't find a diagnosis, he regressed and gained 50 of those pounds back.
Bryan took the necessary steps every day to bring himself back to health, and to be the support his wife truly needed.
It's nine years later and he has stayed the course. His wife is mostly recovered, though she continues to battle long-term symptoms of Lyme Disease, and he has written and published two best selling books about his adventure in finding health and happiness in his relationships with himself and others.
What I loved about Bryan's story was that his decision to change wasn't really about him. His decision came from deep love for his family. Being a healthy father and husband meant being a present, compassionate, and supportive father and husband. And that was his motivation. Love.
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Bryan Falchuk is an author, speaker and coach helping people change their lives. Bryan has also been a successful C-level executive. As a Certified Behavior Change Specialist, Bryan is the best-selling author of Do a Day and his latest best-selling book, The 50 75 100 Solution: Build Better Relationships. He speaks regularly on the subjects of motivation, culture, relationships and overcoming challenges, including several TEDx Talks.
He has shared his message on over 150 podcasts and radio shows, and has written for many top publications like Inc Magazine, the LA Times and Chicago Tribune. Bryan also hosts his own show, The Do a Day Podcast.
Visit Bryan's website to learn more, connect with him on LinkedIn, and follow his inspiring work on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
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Sarah Elkins is a communication coach, keynote speaker, Gallup certified StrengthsFinder coach, professional musician, and author. Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is based on lessons from hosting this podcast, and will be available for preorder beginning in early May, 2020.
Episode 121: Stories of Growing Up and Growing Through Mental Illness
Dominic Vogel was single-minded about his career and where he intended to go with it. He's driven to help others, and his particular area of expertise is cyber security. When he started his dream job with a company he had confidence and trust in, he was absolutely focused on working his way into managing a team.
Stories of Resilience and Intentional Personal Growth
Dominic Vogel was single-minded about his career and where he intended to go with it. He's driven to help others, and his particular area of expertise is cyber security. When he started his dream job with a company he had confidence and trust in, he was absolutely focused on working his way into managing a team.
Dominic put ten years into this goal, rarely considering that it might not be what he wanted after all. And he did it. He was eventually promoted to the position he had worked so hard to get. But when he bumped into that wall - the realization that the company didn't live up to its mission and vision - he couldn't ignore it.
After only a year in the position he worked ten years to achieve, he was ready to leave. The company simply didn't practice the kind of human-focused business they said they did, and Dominic couldn't continue to separate his core values from those of the company. They had to align if he was going to be satisfied, productive, and effective. He knew he had to leave; his sense of responsibility to himself and to the company demanded it.
Now, a few years into self-employment, he truly lives his values. He no longer feels compelled to try to separate his personal and professional lives.
In the first few months following his resignation, Dominic began to really dig into his disappointment, and to focus on personal growth and self-reflection.
For most of his life, he didn't talk about his mother's struggles with mental illness, again, trying to separate and compartmentalize his life. It was two parts: Before adulthood vs. after adulthood. It wasn't until he left the company he had worked so hard for that he realized a big part of who he is and why he is successful is how he grew up, the struggles of being a kid of a mother with mental illness.
Those challenges are what make him resilient, compassionate, and responsible. They are also part of his sense of humor, which is a huge part of why he is able to share those experiences now, and can have such a huge positive impact on those lucky enough to know him.
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Connect with Dominic on LinkedIn, follow him on Twitter, and visit his website to learn more!
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Sarah Elkins is a communication coach, keynote speaker, Gallup certified StrengthsFinder coach, professional musician, and author. Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is based on lessons from hosting this podcast, and will be available for preorder beginning in early May, 2020.
Want to receive email updates about the book and related events?
Episode 120: Not A Super Fan of a Show or Movie? You Might Be Missing Out!
Evolutional Psychology: Stories of Tribal Communities Based on Fandom
Annette Taylor playfully describes her transformation from a semi-traditional adult into a super fan of the tv show Supernatural as her second adolescence or her mid-life crisis.
But instead of blindly following her urge to dive into this newfound side of herself, she became very curious about the “why” behind this transformation. What was driving her to shift her behavior in this way? What was happening in her brain that could explain the intense desire to watch every episode, learn everything she could about the characters and the actors who played them, and even to fly across the country for a convention for the show?
Having a master’s degree in educational psychology, and many years of experience in the human development field, Annette started a deep dive into a related field - evolutionary psychology. Over the past few years, she has read and absorbed hundreds of books and articles, driven to understand the intensity that comes with super fandom. Her conclusion? Humans continue to demonstrate characteristics of our great, great, great, great…. ancestors, all the way back to when we were cave dwellers.
As cave-dwellers, we started to truly understand the value of a community or tribe. We innately understood that when we liked and appreciated the same things as the people around us, our lives were a little bit simpler and safer.
This characteristic translates into what we see now in the behaviors of entire groups of people, from super fans of tv shows, movies, musicians and theatre, to religious communities and political parties. When we find people who feel strongly like we do about something, we feel deeply connected to them, we feel understood and appreciated, and we feel safe to express our opinions and feelings.
During our conversation about Annette’s education, she mentioned that the founders of Evolutionary Psychology were at UCSB, here’s the website for the Center for Evolutionary Psychology.
Annette’s deep dive into the psyche of super fans continues, and she shares her thoughts and insights on a variety of platforms. Visit her blog site, Congirl vs. Cavegirl (Congirl is slang for convention girl), follow her on Twitter, take a look at her published article in Psychology Today, and connect with her on LinkedIn to learn more.
Episode 119: Taking Responsibility for Your Story
When his doctor told him he wouldn't live more than 5 years because of his weight-related health issues, Paul Brodie knew he had a choice to make.
It wasn't easy hearing the news, he remembers shedding some tears, but then the choice was easy. It was time to change his habits because he wanted to live, and he wanted to live well.
… And Helping Others By Sharing It
When his doctor told him he wouldn't live more than 5 years because of his weight-related health issues, Paul Brodie knew he had a choice to make.
It wasn't easy hearing the news, he remembers shedding some tears, but then the choice was easy. It was time to change his habits because he wanted to live, and he wanted to live well.
Paul & Hercules, happy at home!
Not only did he succeed in losing the necessary weight to avoid his doctor's prediction, he realized that if he shared his story, it might just help others with a similar prognosis.
After finding his way to health, his next adventure would be to write and publish a book to describe how he did that. Eat Less & Move More is all about his journey to health. Writing it was a challenge, but publishing it turned out to be a bigger effort.
Again, realizing how much he learned from his own experience, it was time to share those lessons with others. He pivoted his life again to offer publishing services as part of his business, devoting his time to helping others have their important voices heard.
Connect with Paul on LinkedIn, and visit his website to learn more.
Episode 118: What is Self-Actualization, and How Does Your Environment Impact It?
Episode 86 of this podcast was one that keeps coming back to me. I've had many interviews since then, and have read books and articles that seem to form connections back to that episode with Mark Bowden, TEDx Toronto speaker, author, and body language expert.
Your Authenticity Isn't For Others to Define
Episode 86 of this podcast was one that keeps coming back to me. I've had many interviews since then, and have read books and articles that seem to form connections back to that episode with Mark Bowden, TEDx Toronto speaker, author, and body language expert.
In Episode 104 with Rajkumari Neogy, we spoke about epigenetic study and the impact of trauma on our physical and mental health. During the conversation, Rajkumari introduced me to two scientists who have studied this and written many books and articles on that topic. Each time I would read an article by one of those scientists, I would think back on the conversation with Mark Bowden about the importance of being inauthentic, and how we define authentic for ourselves and others.
I had the opportunity to interview the author of The Change Code, Monica Bourgeau a few weeks ago, and again, connections started firing in my head between her description and application of Spiral Dynamics and my conversations with Mark and Rajkumari.
For the first time in 118 episodes, I reached out to interview someone a second time, and Mark generously and graciously agreed.
The conversation didn't go at all the way I had anticipated - which happens frequently, and I couldn't be more pleased with how it shifted between our original conversation about authenticity and a completely new conversation about self-actualization and the role our environment plays in it.
What I enjoyed most about this conversation was the reasoning and discussion, some parts devil's advocate and some parts clear agreement. I wouldn't say I developed much clarity about the topics, but I will say the time was well spent in giving me more to think about.
The biggest question I'd like to find an answer for is how to apply what I've learned through all of these connections to help improve relationships and reduce the polarization our global community is dealing with right now.
I welcome comments on my website, or send me an email at sarahelkins@elkinsconsulting.com.
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"The choice of Sarah Elkins (as our conference keynote) was inspired. Her emphasis that we need to think more carefully as advocates about how we are perceived, that we need to demonstrate our values authentically (and bravely) so as to build trust, was perhaps more important than all the specific storytelling tools discussed.”
Sarah is a storyteller, communication coach, author and professional musician. Her keynotes and workshops are entertaining and engaging, because she uses storytelling as the foundation of her work. Her podcast, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will was named in the top 50 in 2019 in the category of emotional intelligence on player.FM, and her book of the same title will be available in May, 2020.
Episode 117: Uncovering a Life Pivot Point, And Why It Matters
When she was 17, her public speaking course final was to perform at a local comedy club's open mic night. She wasn't nervous, though she thought she would be. Brynne stepped into the spotlight that night and never wanted to leave it. Even now, after decades of training and performance, she steps onto the stage and simply owns it.
We Can't Know at the Time, Our Stories That Will Inspire Others
Brynne Tillman and I met on #LinkedIn many years ago, just before she received the LinkedIn #Influencer title in 2016. I loved her content because it always included #humor, I could tell that Brynne took her work seriously - but never took herself too seriously.
During our conversation, we uncovered a life pivot point that she didn't realize was a big part of what shaped her future until she began to share it with me.
When she was 17, her public speaking course final was to perform at a local comedy club's open mic night. She wasn't nervous, though she thought she would be. Brynne stepped into the spotlight that night and never wanted to leave it. Even now, after decades of training and performance, she steps onto the stage and simply owns it.
That first evening at the comedy club, the manager pulled her and another student aside and invited them back the following week. After a few weeks working through her bit and performing at the open mic, she was invited to have her own time on stage - paid. She was officially a professional comic.
Similar to my conversation a few weeks ago with Ash Rao, Brynne and I touched on the topic of work ethic and being a good ambassador for yourself, no matter where you're working. In Brynne's case, being aware of her surroundings, and being driven to be good at whatever she does, was the key to her first opportunity to truly shine in a professional environment.
She remembers the day the big boss came down from his office to the call center she was working at in a Dun & Bradstreet office. He looked straight at her, then walked into her boss's office. She was sure that was the end of her career, sure she had said something her internal filter didn't catch, which happened a lot, and that she was being fired.
Instead, her boss and his boss called her into the office to ask her to create and facilitate training. They were so impressed with her skills of connecting with people and adding value, that they wanted her to find a way to basically clone herself through creating training for others.
Listen in on our conversation to hear more about Brynne and her entertaining, inspiring stories.
Connect with Brynne on LinkedIn, visit her website, and pick up her book, The LinkedIn Sales Playbook: A Tactical Guide to Social Selling.