Episode 185: What Happens When You're the Child of Survivors of Significant Trauma?
Jeff Furman is an extraordinary combination of his parents. He has the gift of intense observation of people and surroundings, while also demonstrating significant empathy. The two together allow him to predict student behavior in the classroom, making him a highly effective educator.
Growing Up with Survivors of the Holocaust
Jeff Furman is an extraordinary combination of his parents. He has the gift of intense observation of people and surroundings, while also demonstrating significant empathy. The two together allow him to predict student behavior in the classroom, making him a highly effective educator.
Jeff Furman podcast episode cover image
He shared a story of clarity: Watching his girlfriend (many years ago) standing in the shallows of the ocean, hesitating to dive into the large waves, he had an insight as he observed her stepping forward and then stepping back. He asked "are you the child of Holocaust survivors?" She was.
How did he know that? Because his parents were fiercely protective of him, his mother was especially fearful of potential physical harm, and he recognized the effects of that kind of upbringing in his girlfriend.
This conversation was especially fascinating to me because of how his parents differed in the way their protectiveness was demonstrated in their words and actions. I was also highly curious about how Jeff sees the current impact of growing up like that on his life now, as a near-retirement aged professional.
We discussed current research around generational PTSD, and I mentioned an episode of this podcast featuring Rajkumari Neogy where we referred to the studies around intergenerational trauma and epigenetics.
If you're a regular listener of this show, you'll be especially pleased to hear Jeff's answer to my standard request: Tell us something about yourself that most people probably don't know. Hint: It's another musical reference!
Our conversation included a lot of references to the music that lights Jeff up, history related to WWII, and a few locations in and around New York City. Here are some links to satisfy your curiosity:
A few notes from Jeff:
This is a 7-minute mini-documentary with Suzanne Vega that I’m sure you’ll like. She’s filmed in a cab in Manhattan on her way to the Fast Folk pasta dinner, where she is talking about how she is a little afraid of performing a new song in front of Jack Hardy and his peers, who will give constructive criticism. I met Jack Hardy also when he played at our college, and when I moved to Greenwich Village in the 80s, I got to spend some time with him. A lot of the singer-songwriters I interviewed were part of his circle. He was a very talented songwriter and very good singer and performer, but he became more known especially for helping providing the venue (Fast Folk) that others spring-boarded from, especially Suzanne Vega, Lucy Kaplansky, The Roches, and Shawn Colvin. I loved all these talented people and it was a very rich experience for me meeting and interviewing them for the Bergen Record (leading New Jersey newspaper) and Performing Songwriter Magazine. Publishing these articles helped me get my first book contract.
Here is Tom Russell performing the song he wrote: “MANZANAR” about the Japanese internment camp, from the perspective of a Japanese American who was imprisoned there after the attack on Pearl Harbor. I selected this song from Tom’s albums for the interview I did with him for Performing Songwriter Magazine.
And my favorite of all the folk groups part of the Fast Folk scene was The Roches (3 sisters: Terre, Suzzy, and Maggie Roche). I think this is one of their best songs/videos: “Mr. Sellack.” It captures their writing, singing, humor and charm really well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQMwU3TrVE0
Connect with Jeff on LinkedIn, visit his website, and check out his series of project management books here.
ABOUT SARAH:
Podcast cover image with image and quote from Sarah Elkins
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
Audiobook promotional image
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 184: If 90% of People Never Felt Like They "Fit In", Where Does That Leave the Other 10%?
Rachel Druckenmiller Discovered Her Adventurous Spirit by Not Fitting In
"I'm allergic to that."
Podcast cover art with quote
When she arrived in Spain, a shy, incredibly picky eater and study abroad student, that's what Rachel would tell people to avoid having to try new foods. It didn't take long for her to choose to be polite and try the foods, and that simple act of kindness and curiosity became the key to unlocking her adventurous spirit and become, as she says, unmuted.
Rachel's Spanish teacher had suggested that she apply to study abroad saying: "You really have an affinity for this, have you considered studying abroad?" Her immediate response was no, she wasn't interested in leaving her small liberal arts college for a semester. But the adults in her life encouraged her, saying that she would regret not going, and sharing their own regrets for turning down a similar opportunity.
She remembered arriving at the airport in Madrid, which appeared to be in total chaos, especially for a sheltered young woman.
It was her study abroad experience that awakened Rachel to her sense of adventure, which only increased with more experiences outside of her comfort zone, and isn't that always our path toward personal growth?
Podcast cover art with quote and image of Rachel Druckenmiller
A highlight of our conversation was when we talked about our human tendency to underestimate people and things that we make a snap judgment about. We began our conversation on that topic when she told the story of her experience with an eggplant dish presented to her by her host family in Spain. It's not a stretch to apply that lesson to people we meet.
Both of us had stories about our spouses related to this idea:
"If I had never opened the door to the possibility that he could be different than my first impressions of him on the surface, would I have even allowed for that possibility to happen?"
"When we're willing to stay curious and open, things we're not even aware of are possible on the other side of that."
In our conversation I mentioned my friend Shelley Brown's recently published book, Weird Girl Adventures, in the context of allowing our sense of what's weird about us to be a larger part of our best relationships.
When you've listened to the episode, I'm sure you'll want to connect with Rachel on LinkedIn, and be sure to dig into her website to learn more about what she does, and how magically she does it. And check out the song Rachel sang a line from at the end of our call, This is Me from The Greatest Showman.
If you're also curious about the lyrics I shared, here's Mary Mary with Can't Give Up Now.
ABOUT SARAH:
Elkins Consulting logo, image of Sarah Elkins, book cover
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
Audiobook cover art
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 183: Some Stories Are Meant to Be Told... Differently
Her life didn't start with unicorns and butterflies, and like many people who grow up without, she didn't really know it until school years when the comparison game began... seeing other girls with new, trendy clothes and all the accessories made her keenly aware of what she didn't have.
It's Not the Same Old Story with Lisa Caprelli
183 podcast cover art Lisa Caprelli image and quote
Her life didn't start with unicorns and butterflies, and like many people who grow up without, she didn't really know it until her high school years when the comparison games began. Seeing other girls with new, trendy clothes and all the accessories made her keenly aware of what she didn't have.
She knew there was more for her, and when a mentor saw her for the curious, ambitious, intelligent young woman she was, Lisa's natural talents were nurtured and expanded.
When she decided it was time to leave Texas and make her way to the beaches of southern California, people told her she was crazy, that she'd fail, and that she'd waste precious money and time trying to be something she wasn't. She didn't listen, thank goodness, because over the past 10 years, she has made significant, high impact, positive contributions to our communities, like her multiple best selling children's books, an Amazon TV series, and a successful marketing business.
Lisa did what others saw as impossible.
183 podcast cover art Lisa Caprelli quote
What makes Lisa so good at what she does? What motivated her to find her path? Listen to this episode of Your Stories Don't Define You to find out!
Visit Lisa's website to learn more about her work, and check out her children's book series, Unicorn Jazz. Be sure to follow her on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to keep up with the great content she shares.
ABOUT SARAH:
Image of Sarah Elkins with promo language: ”story sharing coaching for leaders”
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
Audiobook promotional cover art
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 182: Do You Have a Personal Story Portfolio?
"I just don't think that way - in a linear timeline of events. I read your book, but I couldn't start collecting my stories, even when I tried to use the exercises and worksheets you provided."
Mary was getting ready for a series of interviews, and she knew preparing a few personal stories would be critical to truly engaging her interviewers and their audiences.
How to Collect Your Stories For Every Audience
Episode 182 podcast cover art with quote & image of Sarah Elkins
"I just don't think that way - in a linear timeline of events. I read your book, but I couldn't start collecting my stories, even when I tried to use the exercises and worksheets you provided."
Mary was getting ready for a series of interviews, and she knew preparing a few personal stories would be critical to truly engaging her interviewers and their audiences.
Page 133 of the book, Your Stories Don’t Define You
When I started as a communication coach, my intention was to guide people toward useful self-reflection. That's the only way to be a good communicator, you have to know yourself, understand your role in miscommunication, and be aware of how you're being perceived by the people around you.
It's not about being a chameleon, changing who you are based on the person you're speaking with, it's about being intentional about what you want as the result of any interaction, and making adjustments in how you present information so you're more likely to be understood - and to understand.
I use storytelling as the foundation of my work because the stories people tell - and how they tell them - say a lot about who they are, how they think, and where they're getting in their own way.
After two sessions, Mary was getting frustrated at her inability to recall key parts of her life with any detail. She struggled with the structure I created in the book and felt like it was her failure in memory that was causing the problem.
At the beginning of our third session, I had a moment of clarity.
"Tell me about someone who was in your life briefly, and had a profound impact on you."
She immediately recalled a professor she struggled with during her master's degree program.
"What did he look like? Can you see him now, can you imagine he's in front of you?"
"Where would you have had a conversation with him? Put yourself there."
"When you think of a time you sat in that place with him, what is the conversation you're having?"
Suddenly a world opened up in front of us. My client had a vivid memory of a pivotal conversation she had with the professor. She recalled where they were standing, what had happened in the hours before, and exactly what happened in the days following.
It was a powerful memory and an incredible story.
Book cover image, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will
The book Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will includes worksheets and exercises to guide readers to begin collecting stories in a story portfolio. The intention is to have a variety of stories ready to use at an appropriate time, with an appropriate audience.
The worksheets begin by asking about particular eras in the reader's life, a broad description like: "First year out of high school", "the year my father died", "my engagement and first year of marriage."
As the reader continues through the book, they're asked to recall certain pivotal moments within those eras, like a particular adventure or situation they experienced right after they graduated from high school, maybe a car accident or moving into the dormitory for their freshman year of college. The worksheets guide the reader to dig into those memories to uncover details about where they were, who was with them, and what made the moment scary, enlightening, exciting, awesome...
Working with Mary made me realize there are many other ways to collect these stories, and that some people don't think in such a linear way to be able to pick out eras as being pivotal parts of their lives.
At the end of our third session, I asked Mary to do some homework prior to our next appointment.
"Write down the names of two other people who had major influence on your life. Not your parents or direct family members - yet. Think about both positive and negative experiences, I know I have some unhappy, challenging memories of particular people who had influence on who I am today, for better or for worse."
She came back to our next session eager to begin, and we uncovered three more great stories for her portfolio.
Mary was ready for more homework.
"This week, jot down a few locations, places you visited or lived, that you know now were meaningful to you. Think about your first apartment, or maybe a house you lived in for a short time, but where important things happened when you lived there."
Our sessions from that point forward were full of energy, memories, and incredible discussions about her experiences with particular people and in particular locations.
By our sixth session together, she had a portfolio full of great story ideas, and she was ready to start fleshing them out into stories to practice telling in person, to prepare for the interviews she had scheduled, and to write as blog posts to share.
But we weren't done yet.
Now that she had great story ideas, it was time to categorize them so she'd have a better idea of when to share them!
We worked through her StrengthFinder results and discussed what was important to her in terms of how she was perceived, especially for the upcoming interviews.
Mary said: "I want to be known as reliable, knowledgable and competent in my field, and as someone with a sense of humor."
Slowly and carefully, we reviewed the many stories in her collection and categorized them:
These demonstrate my reliability.
These demonstrate my sense of humor.
This story demonstrates my knowledge in my field.
There were some that crossed multiple categories, of course.
Having this structure gave her confidence, particularly as we uncovered specific work-related stories that, instead of saying "I'm reliable!", she could share one that demonstrated her reliability. It no longer felt like bragging, it felt like a story, complete with an obstacle, other characters, a specific project, a location, and a successful conclusion.
As any author will tell you, I never really thought Your Stories Don't Define You was complete. If I hadn't made certain promises, it might never have been published. I always found changes I wanted to make and additions that would make it better.
But I remember reading the story portfolio instructions and reviewing the worksheets and thinking they were good, they were ready for readers to use.
They're still good, and many readers have found them to be a great start for their own story portfolios, but I suppose if I had it to do again, I might consider a few other options beyond starting with general eras in a lifetime.
If you're collecting stories for your story portfolio, remember that there isn't just one way to do anything. Use the tools that work for you. The important part is that you realize how your stories can influence your internal messages and the perceptions of others, and that you're beginning to collect them.
And when you have one of your own "ah ha!" moments with one of these vivid memories, I hope you'll reach out and let me know.
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ABOUT SARAH:
Elkins Consulting logo plus image of Sarah Elkins with dog and Gallup StrengthsFinder Coach logo
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
Audiobook cover promo art
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 181: When Did You Realize Your Behavior is a Choice?
Stories of Self-Transformation Through Emotional Intelligence
"Who are you? I don't even know you!"
A friend of Teresa Quinlan witnessed a different person when they visited her family. Around her mother Teresa regressed to a surly teenager, and that was her friend's reaction.
Stories of Self-Transformation Through Emotional Intelligence
"Who are you? I don't even know you!"
A friend of Teresa Quinlan witnessed a different person when they visited her family. Around her mother Teresa regressed to a surly teenager, and that was her friend's reaction.
Teresa Quinlan episode 181 podcast cover art with image and quote
It was that moment Teresa realized she had to take control of her own behavior, she didn't like who she was when she was around her mother. And when she lost control like that, it was as if she was giving away her power.
As an EQ (emotional intelligence) coach, Teresa can look back at that moment and see that she changed, that she made a conscious choice to adjust her behavior, and to learn what triggered it.
We all have that power. Listen to this episode of Your Stories Don't Define you to learn how you can shift your stories to find more meaning and value in your relationships - with yourself and others.
From Teresa's website:
Teresa Quinlan quote for podcast cover art
"Emotional Intelligence is the intersection where cognition and emotion meet. It makes possible our capacity for resilience, motivation, empathy, reasoning, stress management, communication, and our ability to read and navigate a wide range of social situations and conflicts."
For these reasons, Emotional Intelligence often matters more than IQ.
As a coach, leadership specialist, master facilitator, and speaker, I build Emotionally Intelligent Organizations because I am an advocate for exceptional performance that is a direct result of each individual knowing how to be personally responsible for using their talents, their EQ, their IQ, and their personality, in reaching their highest potential.
It is only when we are human-focused that we can tap into the excellence that exists within each of us.
Connect with Teresa on LinkedIn to keep up with the great content she shares, and be sure to check out the great podcast she hosts with Rhys Thomas.
Image of Sarah Elkins and book cover
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home. The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 180: When You Question Everything, You Can't Help But Create Your Own Path
Laura DiBenedetto goes down rabbit holes regularly, exploring random thoughts that drive her deeply into a variety of questions, leading her to nowhere and everywhere. Her curiosity is what drives her, what has always driven her to question authority, traditional roles, and beliefs. She is one of those people who has always marched to the beat of her own drum, who has chosen whatever path looked less traveled.
What Stories Created Your Most Powerful Personal Narratives?
Laura DiBenedetto goes down rabbit holes regularly, exploring random thoughts that drive her deeply into a variety of questions, leading her to nowhere and everywhere.
Laura DiBenedetto episode 180 podcast cover art
Her curiosity is what drives her, what has always driven her to question authority, traditional roles, and beliefs. She is one of those people who has always marched to the beat of her own drum, who has chosen whatever path looked less traveled.
Her book is a result of her curiosity, her sense of wonder about what happiness is all about, and why some people are happy and others struggle in their search for it.
Our conversation began with a question about whether and how the name we're given impacts our personalities, and continued down the path of personal identity and how it's shaped.
Laura's TEDx caught my attention, and her book of the same title, The Six Habits of the Happiest People made me want to invite her to be a guest on this podcast.
Laura DiBenedetto episode 180 podcast cover art
She is full of energy and ambition in her legacy of guiding others toward happiness, whatever the definition at any piont in their lives.
When you've heard how she got to where she is, you'll want to connect with her on LinkedIn, follow her on Instagram and Facebook, and grab a copy of her book.
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TEDx Speaker, #1 Bestselling author of The Six Habitsand Life Mastery Coach, Laura DiBenedetto teaches how to create the life of our dreams without sacrificing what we love. As Founder and CEO of Vision Advertising, a company that she built aged 19, she has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs build and grow profitable enterprises entirely on their terms.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home. The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 179: If an Event Creates a Story, How Do You Want it to Be Told?
Nicole Santer has been in the event industry since she was a child. She remembers helping her family fold napkins and set tables for huge banquets and gatherings.
She knows all the things that can go wrong, and she knows exactly what can make an event absolutely magical. Nicole's combination of strategic and creative thinking are what make her extraordinary at what she does.
Planning an Event with the End in Mind
Nicole Santer has been in the event industry since she was a child. She remembers helping her family fold napkins and set tables for huge banquets and gatherings.
It wasn't until after she enjoyed a career in completely different fields for many years that she came back to events, and when she did, it felt exactly right to her.
Podcast cover art with image & quote from Nicole Santer, EventsBuzz360
She knows all the things that can go wrong, and she knows exactly what can make an event absolutely magical. Nicole's combination of strategic and creative thinking are what make her extraordinary at what she does.
During our conversation, Nicole shared her vision for her event company, Event Buzz 360. As an event planner myself, I am intrigued and excited about the potential. The idea is to create an interactive directory of services for event planners - across the globe. It's brilliant, though the timing was tricky. She launched in early 2020, just weeks before the global shutdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
You are going to love this high energy conversation!
From her LinkedIn profile:
Nicole Santer, descendant in a strong line of Event Organisers, still talks of the 'buzz’ she felt when table setting with the wait staff at the tender age of 5.
Now, a captivating speaker, and ardent events industry expert, Nicole’s latest entrepreneurial venture brings to the industry the Ultimate Online Search Engine for Events.
It is from Nicole’s 20 years of industry expertise and knowledge gained while running her signature company Extraordinary Events Pty Ltd that we find the seed for EventBuzz360.
There is no denying that EventManagement is in Nicole Santer’s blood.
Aspiring to empower the next generation of Event Managers, Nicole’s establishment of the Extraordinary Events ‘7 Steps to Event Management Mastery' 7StEMM Program’ is a first-of-its-kind.
Nicole’s commitment to enabling the industry to provide memorable world-class events, coupled with her foundation values of honesty, integrity, and reliability, are ensuring the continual growth of the events industry.
Event Management has never looked so exciting.
After hearing Nicole's stories, you'll want to follow her on LinkedIn, and connect with her there.
To learn more about Nicole and her brilliant idea, visit the EventBuzz360 website, and follow them on Instagram.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
Quote from Sarah Elkins plus image of Sarah with her dog, Toby
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home. The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Elkins Consulting logo plus an image of Sarah Elkins and her book cover
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.