Episode 121: Stories of Growing Up and Growing Through Mental Illness
Dominic Vogel was single-minded about his career and where he intended to go with it. He's driven to help others, and his particular area of expertise is cyber security. When he started his dream job with a company he had confidence and trust in, he was absolutely focused on working his way into managing a team.
Stories of Resilience and Intentional Personal Growth
Dominic Vogel was single-minded about his career and where he intended to go with it. He's driven to help others, and his particular area of expertise is cyber security. When he started his dream job with a company he had confidence and trust in, he was absolutely focused on working his way into managing a team.
Dominic put ten years into this goal, rarely considering that it might not be what he wanted after all. And he did it. He was eventually promoted to the position he had worked so hard to get. But when he bumped into that wall - the realization that the company didn't live up to its mission and vision - he couldn't ignore it.
After only a year in the position he worked ten years to achieve, he was ready to leave. The company simply didn't practice the kind of human-focused business they said they did, and Dominic couldn't continue to separate his core values from those of the company. They had to align if he was going to be satisfied, productive, and effective. He knew he had to leave; his sense of responsibility to himself and to the company demanded it.
Now, a few years into self-employment, he truly lives his values. He no longer feels compelled to try to separate his personal and professional lives.
In the first few months following his resignation, Dominic began to really dig into his disappointment, and to focus on personal growth and self-reflection.
For most of his life, he didn't talk about his mother's struggles with mental illness, again, trying to separate and compartmentalize his life. It was two parts: Before adulthood vs. after adulthood. It wasn't until he left the company he had worked so hard for that he realized a big part of who he is and why he is successful is how he grew up, the struggles of being a kid of a mother with mental illness.
Those challenges are what make him resilient, compassionate, and responsible. They are also part of his sense of humor, which is a huge part of why he is able to share those experiences now, and can have such a huge positive impact on those lucky enough to know him.
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Connect with Dominic on LinkedIn, follow him on Twitter, and visit his website to learn more!
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Sarah Elkins is a communication coach, keynote speaker, Gallup certified StrengthsFinder coach, professional musician, and author. Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is based on lessons from hosting this podcast, and will be available for preorder beginning in early May, 2020.
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Episode 120: Not A Super Fan of a Show or Movie? You Might Be Missing Out!
Evolutional Psychology: Stories of Tribal Communities Based on Fandom
Annette Taylor playfully describes her transformation from a semi-traditional adult into a super fan of the tv show Supernatural as her second adolescence or her mid-life crisis.
But instead of blindly following her urge to dive into this newfound side of herself, she became very curious about the “why” behind this transformation. What was driving her to shift her behavior in this way? What was happening in her brain that could explain the intense desire to watch every episode, learn everything she could about the characters and the actors who played them, and even to fly across the country for a convention for the show?
Having a master’s degree in educational psychology, and many years of experience in the human development field, Annette started a deep dive into a related field - evolutionary psychology. Over the past few years, she has read and absorbed hundreds of books and articles, driven to understand the intensity that comes with super fandom. Her conclusion? Humans continue to demonstrate characteristics of our great, great, great, great…. ancestors, all the way back to when we were cave dwellers.
As cave-dwellers, we started to truly understand the value of a community or tribe. We innately understood that when we liked and appreciated the same things as the people around us, our lives were a little bit simpler and safer.
This characteristic translates into what we see now in the behaviors of entire groups of people, from super fans of tv shows, movies, musicians and theatre, to religious communities and political parties. When we find people who feel strongly like we do about something, we feel deeply connected to them, we feel understood and appreciated, and we feel safe to express our opinions and feelings.
During our conversation about Annette’s education, she mentioned that the founders of Evolutionary Psychology were at UCSB, here’s the website for the Center for Evolutionary Psychology.
Annette’s deep dive into the psyche of super fans continues, and she shares her thoughts and insights on a variety of platforms. Visit her blog site, Congirl vs. Cavegirl (Congirl is slang for convention girl), follow her on Twitter, take a look at her published article in Psychology Today, and connect with her on LinkedIn to learn more.
Episode 119: Taking Responsibility for Your Story
When his doctor told him he wouldn't live more than 5 years because of his weight-related health issues, Paul Brodie knew he had a choice to make.
It wasn't easy hearing the news, he remembers shedding some tears, but then the choice was easy. It was time to change his habits because he wanted to live, and he wanted to live well.
… And Helping Others By Sharing It
When his doctor told him he wouldn't live more than 5 years because of his weight-related health issues, Paul Brodie knew he had a choice to make.
It wasn't easy hearing the news, he remembers shedding some tears, but then the choice was easy. It was time to change his habits because he wanted to live, and he wanted to live well.
Paul & Hercules, happy at home!
Not only did he succeed in losing the necessary weight to avoid his doctor's prediction, he realized that if he shared his story, it might just help others with a similar prognosis.
After finding his way to health, his next adventure would be to write and publish a book to describe how he did that. Eat Less & Move More is all about his journey to health. Writing it was a challenge, but publishing it turned out to be a bigger effort.
Again, realizing how much he learned from his own experience, it was time to share those lessons with others. He pivoted his life again to offer publishing services as part of his business, devoting his time to helping others have their important voices heard.
Connect with Paul on LinkedIn, and visit his website to learn more.
Episode 118: What is Self-Actualization, and How Does Your Environment Impact It?
Episode 86 of this podcast was one that keeps coming back to me. I've had many interviews since then, and have read books and articles that seem to form connections back to that episode with Mark Bowden, TEDx Toronto speaker, author, and body language expert.
Your Authenticity Isn't For Others to Define
Episode 86 of this podcast was one that keeps coming back to me. I've had many interviews since then, and have read books and articles that seem to form connections back to that episode with Mark Bowden, TEDx Toronto speaker, author, and body language expert.
In Episode 104 with Rajkumari Neogy, we spoke about epigenetic study and the impact of trauma on our physical and mental health. During the conversation, Rajkumari introduced me to two scientists who have studied this and written many books and articles on that topic. Each time I would read an article by one of those scientists, I would think back on the conversation with Mark Bowden about the importance of being inauthentic, and how we define authentic for ourselves and others.
I had the opportunity to interview the author of The Change Code, Monica Bourgeau a few weeks ago, and again, connections started firing in my head between her description and application of Spiral Dynamics and my conversations with Mark and Rajkumari.
For the first time in 118 episodes, I reached out to interview someone a second time, and Mark generously and graciously agreed.
The conversation didn't go at all the way I had anticipated - which happens frequently, and I couldn't be more pleased with how it shifted between our original conversation about authenticity and a completely new conversation about self-actualization and the role our environment plays in it.
What I enjoyed most about this conversation was the reasoning and discussion, some parts devil's advocate and some parts clear agreement. I wouldn't say I developed much clarity about the topics, but I will say the time was well spent in giving me more to think about.
The biggest question I'd like to find an answer for is how to apply what I've learned through all of these connections to help improve relationships and reduce the polarization our global community is dealing with right now.
I welcome comments on my website, or send me an email at sarahelkins@elkinsconsulting.com.
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"The choice of Sarah Elkins (as our conference keynote) was inspired. Her emphasis that we need to think more carefully as advocates about how we are perceived, that we need to demonstrate our values authentically (and bravely) so as to build trust, was perhaps more important than all the specific storytelling tools discussed.”
Sarah is a storyteller, communication coach, author and professional musician. Her keynotes and workshops are entertaining and engaging, because she uses storytelling as the foundation of her work. Her podcast, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will was named in the top 50 in 2019 in the category of emotional intelligence on player.FM, and her book of the same title will be available in May, 2020.
Episode 117: Uncovering a Life Pivot Point, And Why It Matters
When she was 17, her public speaking course final was to perform at a local comedy club's open mic night. She wasn't nervous, though she thought she would be. Brynne stepped into the spotlight that night and never wanted to leave it. Even now, after decades of training and performance, she steps onto the stage and simply owns it.
We Can't Know at the Time, Our Stories That Will Inspire Others
Brynne Tillman and I met on #LinkedIn many years ago, just before she received the LinkedIn #Influencer title in 2016. I loved her content because it always included #humor, I could tell that Brynne took her work seriously - but never took herself too seriously.
During our conversation, we uncovered a life pivot point that she didn't realize was a big part of what shaped her future until she began to share it with me.
When she was 17, her public speaking course final was to perform at a local comedy club's open mic night. She wasn't nervous, though she thought she would be. Brynne stepped into the spotlight that night and never wanted to leave it. Even now, after decades of training and performance, she steps onto the stage and simply owns it.
That first evening at the comedy club, the manager pulled her and another student aside and invited them back the following week. After a few weeks working through her bit and performing at the open mic, she was invited to have her own time on stage - paid. She was officially a professional comic.
Similar to my conversation a few weeks ago with Ash Rao, Brynne and I touched on the topic of work ethic and being a good ambassador for yourself, no matter where you're working. In Brynne's case, being aware of her surroundings, and being driven to be good at whatever she does, was the key to her first opportunity to truly shine in a professional environment.
She remembers the day the big boss came down from his office to the call center she was working at in a Dun & Bradstreet office. He looked straight at her, then walked into her boss's office. She was sure that was the end of her career, sure she had said something her internal filter didn't catch, which happened a lot, and that she was being fired.
Instead, her boss and his boss called her into the office to ask her to create and facilitate training. They were so impressed with her skills of connecting with people and adding value, that they wanted her to find a way to basically clone herself through creating training for others.
Listen in on our conversation to hear more about Brynne and her entertaining, inspiring stories.
Connect with Brynne on LinkedIn, visit her website, and pick up her book, The LinkedIn Sales Playbook: A Tactical Guide to Social Selling.
Episode 116: The Realities of Improving Our Polarized Communities
In 2018, Monica Bourgeau felt compelled to write a book that would help people come to a basic understanding about our common, “wicked” problems, and how to help create solutions. Her October, 2014 article on Huffington Post, “7 Ways You Can Change the World”, continues to grab views, and she was hearing from readers that the article made a big difference for them.
Stories that Offer Hope For Our Polarized Communities Through Understanding and Non-Judgment
Monica Bourgeau, Author of The Change Code
In 2018, Monica Bourgeau felt compelled to write a book that would help people come to a basic understanding about our common, “wicked” problems, and how to help create solutions. Her October, 2014 article on Huffington Post, “7 Ways You Can Change the World”, continues to grab views, and she was hearing from readers that the article made a big difference for them.
Her original plan was to expand on that article, share stories about each of those seven ideas, and make the book not just inspiring, but actionable.
Though her vision didn’t falter, it did shift as she started writing the book. She was introduced to the theory of Spiral Dynamics, pioneered by psychologist Dr. Clare W. Graves, when an announcement was made following a church service as she sat with her daughter one Sunday. There would be a six-week workshop on the theory, which focuses on how our communities develop in terms of self-actualization and community values, and offers a visual representation of why those matter.
Monica was immediately intrigued, though she had never heard of Spiral Dynamics before. She signed up to participate and committed to attending every session, despite her already hectic schedule between work and home life.
Through that program, she started to piece together the relationship between her original article and the concepts of Spiral Dynamics. Over the next few months, she fell deeply into research, interviews, and storytelling around the theory - but what was most important to her was uncovering how to apply it to bring people together.
The key to the theory isn't necessarily to understand each of the waves Dr. Graves describes, but to grow into a sense of non-judgment when considering where people are on that spectrum of self-actualization, values, and motivation in order to connect and collaborate.
It's really about how to adjust our conversations to consider the people in front of us and the environment that shaped them. This is the only way to develop trust and to develop solutions for the complex, extremely polarizing issues facing our global population.
Monica’s book, The Change Code, was recommended to me by my dear friend Andy Hedges, who happens to live near Sydney, Australia, and whom I’ve never actually met in person. We connected on LinkedIn years ago and became close friends despite the distance. When he suggested I read the book, I didn’t hesitate, and I’m so glad for that recommendation. As I read it, I realized Monica was on to something, and I reached out to ask her to be a guest on my podcast as soon as I finished reading the book.
As small-world as it gets, I looked her up on LinkedIn to find that she grew up here in Montana, and that we have quite a few mutual local connections. As we started to chat for this episode, we realized we had even more in common, including an overlap in Fort Collins, Colorado in the early 90s.
Episode 115: This Too Shall Pass, For Better or For Worse
This would be my last hike on the mountain for at least a month, and as my dog panted and slobbered by my legs, I felt it – grief. I would leave my mountain and my dog for an entire month. Maybe this was a mistake. I sat down on a rock and tried to meditate, to just be still for a few minutes to let the thoughts flow and clear.
Everything in Life is Temporary, Embrace the Transient Nature
I stood at the summit of my mountain, Mount Helena in #Montana, breathing hard after the fast climb I took, trying to keep up with the dog.
Summit of Mt. Helena, Helena, MT January 2020
It was spectacular, as always. No matter how many times I get up there, probably nearly a hundred times in the 20 years we’ve lived here, it always takes my breath away, literally and figuratively. Gazing to the southwest, there are no buildings, just huge, snow covered mountains and forest as far as I can see. To the north is our town’s guardian, the #SleepingGiant, a #mountain I had an opportunity to climb a few years ago. I looked east to see our small city 1,000 feet below me, the Cathedral, the dome of our Capitol building, and the beautiful buildings of #CarrollCollege slightly north of downtown.
Sleeping Giant - head to the right, large nose, Montana
This would be my last hike on the mountain for at least a month, and as my dog panted and slobbered by my legs, I felt it – grief. I would leave my mountain and my dog for an entire month. Maybe this was a mistake. I sat down on a rock and tried to meditate, to just be still for a few minutes to let the thoughts flow and clear.
But I had too much going on in my head, packing, making sure everything was in order in the house, plans to check in with our son who would be taking care of the house and the dog. Far too much clutter was in my head, and I knew the only solution was to raise my heart rate again by jogging down the mountain, watching for trip hazards and ice, not allowing distraction by focusing on what was right in front of me.
When our youngest started high school, my husband and I started talking about what we would do when he left home. My husband already worked remotely for a company, so he could work from anywhere. It was my job that kept us in Montana year-round, and one idea that really appealed to us was living in different places for four to eight weeks at a time, getting to know another town, locals, cultures, and exploring different parts of the world.
Over the next few years, I started to build my #coaching and #speaking business with that idea in my head. I could either make this business successful and generate income, or I would have to find a company that would allow me to work remotely. My eyes were always open to opportunities with companies I thought would be a good fit for me, but nothing ever quite fit. #ElkinsConsulting would have to generate more income.
Our son started as a freshman in college last fall, and when we moved him into the dormitory, my husband and I talked again about our dream to work somewhere else for a month or so. We settled on the central coast of #California for our first experiment in living away like that.
Lots of research later, we decided on a #beach house within our price range, paid the deposit, and began the preparation to live away for an entire month in the winter. No #snow shoveling, no bundling up in hat, coat, mittens and snow boots to go to the grocery store for a whole month. We were both eager, excited, and a little anxious.
It was the day before our trip would begin, and I found myself sitting on the top of the mountain, worried and feeling a sense of grief – of loss – as I contemplated leaving my beautiful mountain, my boys, and that trusty dog by my side.
The next day, we were only 10 miles from home when started thinking of the things we forgot, things we had intended to bring with us, but decided not to go back. And the next evening we were checking into our home away from home, late at night, in the dark. As I used the code to unlock the front door, I could hear the #ocean nearby, but I couldn’t see it.
On our first morning, we walked the block west from our house to the beach and marveled at the little town we would call home.
We went out for breakfast that first morning, and as I walked into the little café with my Gates of the Mountains cap on (a famous section of the Missouri River near Helena, home to a boat tour through part of the Lewis & Clark expedition route), the young woman at the counter said: “Is that hat from Montana?”
Yes, the very first person I met on my first day in a little beach town in California was from Helena. She went to the same high school our boys went to, and had moved to live with her father and finish her senior year in California. Small, small world. That interaction felt like confirmation that we were right where we were supposed to be.
I completely overbooked my schedule that month with travel in the area and guests coming to spend time with us. The time absolutely flew by, but I took great advantage of my time there. I walked on the beach almost every day, took off my shoes and waded up to mid-shins in the ocean, picked up beach glass, shells, and sand dollars, and almost every evening my husband and I would walk to the pier to watch the sunset.
On our last day, after I had most of our things packed up, I walked by myself back to the beach and took off my shoes to feel the #sand and the #sea. Standing there, watching the waves, breathing the briny scent of the ocean, and watching the birds poke in the sand looking for food, it happened again. That moment of grief – of loss – as I contemplated leaving that beautiful place.
Cayucos, CA, February 2020
This time, though, it didn’t last as long as it did on my mountain. I realized it was exactly the same feeling of #grief and #discomfort as I felt before I left my mountain just 4 weeks before. Smiling to myself, I took in my surroundings, deeply #grateful for both the ocean and the mountains, and filled with the kind of #comfort and #peace you can only find when you embrace the temporary nature of life, and make a #conscious choice to live in grace and #gratitude.