Our Most Meaningful Stories Prepare Us for Our Most Pivotal Moments
We know instinctively that nothing significantly changes overnight based on an arbitrary calendar date. And yet, we still find a way to optimistically celebrate December 31st and January 1st as if something magical will happen and we’ll wake up with:
A different news feed
The motivation to change our eating habits
The inspiration to create and stick with a new routine that includes daily exercise
The flexibility and ambition to change our careers and businesses.
All without having to wade through the tough stuff. Like magic. Poof!
The new year is a great time to reflect on life, though I love to do that more often than once a year. As a matter of fact, I much prefer to take the week of my birthday to do my deeper soul-searching. That date seems far less arbitrary to me.
When I think about my most pivotal moments in life, the birth of our boys, the death of my dad, leaving my last job to be self-employed, the major conflicts in my life that lead to big changes in my self-perception and confidence, I realize none of those happened suddenly. Sure there was the moment Jacob arrived, at 8:09pm on a cold day in October, but I had 40+ weeks of gradual preparation for that moment.
There are very few true “lightbulb” moments, you know, the kind that suddenly illuminate.
The majority of our “lightbulb” moments aren’t actually that – they’re on a dimmer switch, and it happens to be that a moment in time is captured as being the one when the light came on – fully bright and sparkling.
When we collect our most meaningful moments as stories, we can see the patterns that created our pathways. We can begin to connect the dots of our journey and better understand that nothing happened suddenly, there were always cues and clues that brought us to that moment.
Why does that matter? Because when we connect those dots from the past, we can make far more intentional decisions for the future. Plus, we gain some clarity around what truly makes us happy and satisfied so we can set our sight on something that makes sense.
On my annual New Year’s Day hike this year with a group of fabulous women, one of them asked me about my work. I told her this:
It’s amazing, really. I use the StrengthsFinder assessment in my coaching for individuals and teams, and I’m about to start a three-session program with a small group. Last week I reviewed each of their strengths – remember, I’ve never met these people and have had only limited conversations with them! – and went to a local store to pick a special gift for each of them, based on their assessment results.
I do this regularly for my clients because I love to know just enough about people to be able to pick a perfect gift for them. This is my way of making sure they know I SEE them, I GET them, and I value their natural talents.
It’s like magic, Wendy. When I truly see my clients, I can immediately acknowledge what they’re really good at, what makes them special, and I can see what their blind spots are likely to be.
She was grinning as I spoke, nodding her head as she listened, because she loves her job, too, and she understood and could relate to the joy I was expressing.
I said: “It took me nearly 50 years to find my sweet spot, to truly use my talents in this way.”
On my walk on the mountain with my dog today, January 2nd, I couldn’t help but think about the strange phenomenon of denial, that we can fool ourselves into optimism that things will change overnight each year.
It’s not a bad thing to be optimistic like that unless we become filled with disappointment when we wake up to the same situation we fell asleep with.
This holiday doesn't have special meaning to me, usually just an excuse to have a party, prepare and eat splurge foods, and for the past couple of years, perform at a fun venue in fancy dress.
Nothing actually changes between December 31st and January 1st, it's an arbitrary boundary to make sense of our days, to create a linear, organized way of acknowledging the passing of time.
If you're expecting to wake up tomorrow with an entirely different news feed, you're going to be seriously disappointed.
My plan, in case you want to know, is to keep taking things one day at a time, to mostly ignore the news because nothing said there is going to change my behavior in any way, and continue to make an effort every day to live in alignment with who I believe I can be.
I'll fail sometimes. The judge-y internal voice will pop up and I'll have to address it. I'll step in it with people I love and respect because of obliviousness and self-absorption, and I'll eat potato chips when I know a better option is out there.
Every day is an opportunity to do it right. To apologize, to take correction with grace and curiosity, to learn, and to make plans for travel and adventure, knowing nothing is certain and that those plans are likely to be adjusted.
I’ll continue to let go of unhealthy relationships that don’t inspire and encourage me, and will continue to fill my life with people who, when I tell them I have a crazy idea, say: “Awesome, Sarah, what can I do to help?”
I wish you a happy new year every single day, because every day you have choices to make that will impact the next... and the next... and the next. Don't wait for a special occasion.
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About Sarah:
Audiobook now available!
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Click here to buy the book!
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.