439 Pivot Point: Revealed with the Right Question - A Monologue from Sarah Elkins
You won’t be surprised to hear that I had another moment of inspiration on a recent hike…
This time it was about seeing meaningful, pivotal moments not as the experience itself, but in how we talk about it later.
You won’t be surprised to hear that I had another moment of inspiration on a recent hike…
Coliseum of Nimes, France 2018
This time it was about seeing meaningful, pivotal moments not as the experience itself, but in how we talk about it later.
In late August of 2018 my husband and I had an amazing opportunity to travel to southern France to perform with a jazz quartet at two venues. The first was in Arudy on the edge of the Pyrenees Mountains near the border with Spain. It was a sold-out community event attended by over 200 residents of all the surrounding small villages. Most of our audience didn’t speak English or had very limited experience with it.
The second performance was on the patio of a small bar in Eygalieres in Provence.
We had some serious challenges over those two weeks, some obstacles we couldn’t have anticipated and others we simply weren’t prepared for.
I had lots of meaningful moments, but most of them felt like lessons about what not to do, how to be more prepared for things, what to avoid in the future.
About a week after we arrived back home in Montana I had a call scheduled with a new connection I made on LinkedIn a few weeks before our trip.
At that point I had resolved not to talk about it because it felt like I could only share the obstacles. In my ears it sounded like I was just complaining about the adventure and ignoring the privilege of the experience, the honor of performing for audiences in those extraordinary places, like I was acting like a spoiled, entitled American.
Avalon, France 2018
But the first thing my new friend asked was: “How was the trip? I was thinking about you and hoping you were enjoying yourself!”
She heard the hesitation in my voice, the pain in my “it was fine” answer.
And she switched gears.
It was the question she asked next that was the pivot point, not necessarily my answer to it.
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Paris, France 2018
Listeners, now it’s your turn:
What memory popped into your head when you heard my story?
Have you been the person on the receiving end, asked a perfect question to shift your perspective?
Have you been the person to ask a question that positively changed something for someone else?
From previous episodes you may have a specific image of who I am, did today’s story shift that image at all? Did it fill in some gaps for you?
The stories we share say a lot about who we are.
What’s one story you can share differently to reframe the experience with more perspective and context?
After more than 430 episodes of this podcast, I was recently inspired to change the format of the show.
The new format for my show aligns with what I’m learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and demonstrates what I’ve been teaching for years: Sharing a story to reveal who you are and what matters to you.
My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are.
About Sarah:
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
438 Pivot Point: Noticing Progress - A Monologue from Sarah Elkins
Not every meaningful moment is big and dramatic. As a matter of fact, smaller moments can be even more electrifying when we take the time to notice them.
I had one of those moments last week when I performed as a backup vocalist and played my flute with the band of a friend and talented singer/songwriter at a local bar to a crowd of enthusiastic fans.
Not every meaningful moment is big and dramatic. As a matter of fact, smaller moments can be even more electrifying when we take the time to notice them.
I had one of those moments last week when I performed as a backup vocalist and played my flute with the band of a friend and talented singer/songwriter at a local bar to a crowd of enthusiastic fans.
We were on the patio and the crowd was much bigger for the last hour of our performance, so we pulled out our faster, more danceable tunes.
My friend called the name of the last song for the night and it was one I didn’t know. She counted off the song for the band to begin and I couldn’t hear vocal harmonies right away, so I started improvising on my flute instead.
I’ve been performing in bands for more than 15 years, but performing on my flute for an audience is still new to me. In 2020 when I picked it up after more than 30 years, I found sheet music and learned songs I wanted to play.
But this - improvising - is new to me and I'm still tentative as I find the notes and scales to fit the keys of each song.
The pivot point in this episode is my observation of myself that evening and the realization of my progress as a musician. It also applies to my journey as speaker and communication coach. I can look back and objectively say I did a good job with my keynote presentations, workshops, and coaching. I have the long-term clients and thank you notes as evidence.
I can see my progress over the past 5 years, I know I’m significantly better at these things than I was before.
And, even more importantly, I can imagine that in another 5 years I’ll be even more competent in my work, because I know I’m not done yet. I still have so much to learn, to practice, and to grow into.
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Listeners, now it’s your turn:
What memory popped into your head when you heard my story?
Will you jot down a note so you can share a quiet, meaningful story with someone when the opportunity presents itself?
From previous episodes you may have a specific image of who I am, did today’s story shift that image at all? Did it fill in some gaps for you?
The stories we share say a lot about who we are.
What’s one story you can share to demonstrate one of your talents?
After more than 430 episodes of this podcast, I was recently inspired to change the format of the show.
The new format for my show aligns with what I’m learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and demonstrates what I’ve been teaching for years: Sharing a story to reveal who you are and what matters to you.
My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are.
About Sarah:
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
437 Pivot Point: Grief and Kindness - A Monologue from Sarah Elkins
“She stood up from across the aisle and walked over. Stopping in front of my seat, she said: ‘I can see that you’re struggling, and if you would rather I walk away, just say so. It’s just that it looks like you could use a hug, and I’m a hugger.’”
“She stood up from across the aisle and walked over. Stopping in front of my seat, she said: ‘I can see that you’re struggling, and if you would rather I walk away, just say so. It’s just that it looks like you could use a hug, and I’m a hugger.’”
In today’s episode I’m sharing a story about a pivotal moment in my life, an experience that shifted how I think about grief, and inspired me to be more compassionate with strangers.
I almost said no, but something about her made me think if I did, she’d never offer this gift to a stranger again. It was almost as if she was the one who needed a hug.
So I stood. She embraced me. And I cried.
I guess I needed her hug after all.
She held me for a few minutes, until my breathing evened out, and I thanked her as we parted.
Listeners, now it’s your turn:
Did my story remind you of something that happened to you?
What memory popped into your head when you heard it?
What did you learn about me as a person?
Did my story inspire you to pick up a pen and leave a note for someone you care about?
What’s your related pivotal moment?
After more than 430 episodes of this podcast, I was recently inspired to change the format of the show.
The new format for my show aligns with what I’m learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and demonstrates what I’ve been teaching for years: Sharing a story to reveal who you are and what matters to you.
My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are.
Listeners, now it’s your turn:
What memory popped into your head when you heard my story?
What did you learn about the characters in the story?
Did my story inspire you to do something differently?
Jot down a note so you’re ready to share your story when the opportunity arises!
About Sarah:
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
436 Pivot Point: A Path-Changing Letter - A Monologue from Sarah Elkins
Driving home from a volunteer shift at the Old Salt Festival near Helmville, Montana, I listened to the last hour of the book The Correspondent by Virginia Evans.
As I listened to the characters reflect on their lives to share with others via handwritten letter (and a few emails), I was reminded of the great conversation I shared on this podcast with Amy Daughters, author of Dear Dana.
As I mentioned in last week’s episode, I was recently inspired to change the format of this show.
The new format for my show aligns with what I’m learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and what I’m learning about emotional intelligence through a course I’m taking.
My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are.
My future guests will be given a story prompt ahead of our call, and instead of a long, organic, multi-insight conversation, we’ll dive more deeply into a single story, pulling a thread and revealing a primary insight about the experience, and leaving space for you – our listeners – to remember your own related experience and pull a thread that has the potential to guide you toward deeper self-awareness.
I’ll be eager to hear your thoughts about this new format, so please don’t hesitate to send me a message via social media or email!
In today’s episode I’m sharing a story about a pivotal moment in my personal life, a long relationship that continues to influence my life and how I experience the world.
Mentioned in this episode:
The Correspondent by Virginia Evans
Amy Daughters, author of Dear Dana, speaker, humorist
Old Salt Festival, Helmville Montana
Listeners, now it’s your turn:
Did my story remind you of something that happened to you?
What memory popped into your head when you heard it?
What did you learn about me as a person?
Did my story inspire you to pick up a pen and leave a note for someone you care about?
What’s your related pivotal moment?
About Sarah:
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
433 Taking Steps To Take Better Care Of Yourself
In today’s episode, Sarah Elkins discusses the importance of taking your time to enjoy the world, to enjoy being you, to take time to make sure You, Dear Listener, are healthy in mind, body, emotion, and spirit.
433 Taking Steps To Take Better Care Of Yourself
In today’s episode, Sarah Elkins discusses the importance of taking your time to enjoy the world, to enjoy being you, to take time to make sure You, Dear Listener, are healthy in mind, body, emotion, and spirit.
Highlights
Encouraging healthy self reflection to lessen loneliness and division.
Acknowledging when you need help or a break is key to not only your own wellbeing but to the wellbeing of those you care for.
Stop and smell the flowers. Life isn’t a race. Take your time and enjoy the world you have helped to cultivate and get the gift of living in.
How our labels change as time moves, but so long as we know the shape of our souls we will be okay.
Quotes
“This is what hustle looks like. Losing track of ‘why’ I’m doing something. Focusing too much on doing something without stopping to ensure that what I’m doing fits my values, my needs, and how I want to live my life daily.”
“What makes things interesting and joyful to me, is knowing that a single label can’t define me. I’m complicated, and so are you.”
“Will you take time right now or very soon to define success for yourself, without attaching money or income to that definition.”
Mentioned in this episode
Dear Listeners it is now your turn,
Will you take time right now or very soon to define success for yourself, without attaching money or income to that definition?
What is one thing you’ll do today, tomorrow, and the next day to reach toward that definition of success, and the labels you choose for yourself, and demonstrate through your work?
And how will you feed your own needs, your physical, emotional, and spiritual health so that you have the energy and enthusiasm and capacity to live your definition of success?
And, as always, thank you for listening.
About Sarah
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
431 The Art of Aging - Featuring Diane Place
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins and Diane Place discuss the art and beauty in aging and how it allows us to collect amazing stories, learn new things about ourselves, and how we can use these experiences to help others.
431 The Art of Aging - Featuring Diane Place
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins and Diane Place discuss the art and beauty in aging and how it allows us to collect amazing stories, learn new things about ourselves, and how we can use these experiences to help others.
Highlights
Aha moments and how trusting yourself will most often take you to better places in life.
Bringing in other story tellers to enlighten yourself with intergenerational, interracial, and interhuman connections.
Reframing aging and how we perceive aging, in that it is never too late to do anything and you don’t need to step back just because of a number.
The stories we tell ourselves and the stories told around us shape our perceptions, and we need to take active steps to make sure that it is positive and healthy instead of cutting ourselves and others down.
Quotes
“I’ve had “ah ha” moments in my life that led me to make crazy decisions. Some of them didn’t go so well… most of them did because I trusted my heart.”
“Find connections with who we are, not just what we’ve done.”
“We need to seek the new stories if we have some of those old stories. We need to ditch them. We need to erase them, and reinvent them.”
Dear Listeners, now it’s your turn:
What part of this conversation made you realize something about your own aging and maybe your internal messages that are affecting who you are and that you’re modeling and sharing with younger people. If you’re one of the younger listeners, under 50, what part of this conversation made you eager to hear the stories of people around you that you’ve only ever known skin deep? I would love to hear what resonated with you in this conversation.
And, as always, thank you for listening.
About Diane
After 66 years on this planet, I am grateful to have aligned my passions, talents and heart-driven desires in all parts of my life.
After dancing on the edges of my passions throughout my career and my life, the coincidence of three “lightning strike” experiences in 2018 - a cancer diagnosis, shutting down a business venture, empty nesting as I turned 60, compelled me to focus on what I truly wanted to do with my "one wild & precious life."
Fostering connection, learning peoples' stories and creatively inspiring others have always been a personal passion. With Third Act Quest, and our community, the 333 Collective, and my newest program AHA! Third Act Stories — this passion is now front and center. I am working to reframe aging by connecting and inspiring women for their life’s most exciting and meaningful chapter — their “third act.”
My 40-year professional career includes: a decade in Boston with an international ad agency; ten years with America Online (AOL-Time Warner) in the early days of the internet as Senior Vice President; and three entrepreneurial ventures; a cause-marketing firm, Dunbar, Hunter & Associates (bridging corporations and nonprofits around aids, homelessness, domestic violence and breast cancer), WonderBlink Photography, and The Global Design Post.
My favorite quote:
“Tell me, what is it that you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” - Mary Oliver
Be sure to check out Diane’s LinkedIn, and her website Third Act Quest. Plus, check out the Third Act Quest community here, and her YouTube Channel for even more great content.
About Sarah
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
430: Every Emotion Comes from Needs, Met and Unmet - featuring Morgane Borzée
"... we talk about feelings, but... At the end, every feeling has an underlying need. If it's a pleasant feeling, it's a met need. If it's an unpleasant feeling, it's an unmet need. And needs drive our behavior."
This conversation with Morgane Borzée filled in so many gaps in my understanding of what I've heard referred to as trauma-informed coaching, teaching, and counseling.
I thought I understood the connection between emotional intelligence and behavior, but I was missing a key component:
"... we talk about feelings, but... At the end, every feeling has an underlying need. If it's a pleasant feeling, it's a met need. If it's an unpleasant feeling, it's an unmet need. And needs drive our behavior."
This conversation with Morgane Borzée filled in so many gaps in my understanding of what I've heard referred to as trauma-informed coaching, teaching, and counseling.
If you're anything like me, you associated the word trauma with something dramatic, like abuse or neglect, death, major accidents, war, natural disasters, etc. Many of us don't feel comfortable using the word trauma to describe experiences in our lives that don't seem to compare with what we know others have experienced.
But trauma in childhood can be something as innocuous as an underlying current of the repression of anger, financial stress and anxiety, sibling rivalry. And each person experiences it differently. Ask your siblings or cousins about growing up and they'll remember completely different episodes as traumatic - or not.
Morgane suffered from severe anxiety as a young adult, and was referred to a therapist that she didn't realize was a trauma specialist. She thought she might be in the wrong place until she heard from the therapist that her anxiety might be coming from repression of anger. And she might be repressing anger because that's how she responded to her fear of the anger she saw expressed in her childhood home, among her family.
"... for years, I was shortcutting anger with anxiety. So whenever a situation would make me angry, I didn't feel angry, I felt anxious."
Her experience with the therapist not only gave her the tools she needed to start truly addressing the anxiety at that deeper level. It gave her the inspiration she then used to create an incredible platform to make what she was learning more accessible and approachable for others.
She took what she learned in academic, research-based, deeply intellectual settings, and translated into everyday language and characters that the rest of us can apply, learn from, and make real change in our lives and those of the people we influence.
Highlights
The word trauma feels big, feels significant, and it is, but it's also relative. Each person experiences it differently.
Needs met and unmet are what drive our emotions and behavior.
Listeners, now it's your turn. During our call, I started writing notes about my own needs and how they affect my behavior when they're not met: My need for respect and how that might show up in emotional responses and anger.
What are yours?
A need for basic food staples in your house? If somebody gets upset when you run out of peanut butter or eggs, it may be a need in terms of food security that wasn't. What is a pattern of conflict or frustration that you've experienced yourself or experienced with somebody else that might be related to this issue? When your needs are met, you have a particular emotional response, and when they're not met, you have another emotional response. I'm curious to hear what came up for you, what patterns you've uncovered, and maybe what you're going to do about it.
From Morgane:
I’m the founder of Equanima. I created it after years of struggling with anxiety and realizing how powerful emotional intelligence can be when you actually understand what’s happening inside you.
As a designer, I saw a gap between complex psychological concepts and what people can realistically use in daily life. Equanima exists to bridge that gap by turning emotional intelligence into clear, practical, and visual tools that help people understand their patterns, regulate under pressure, and live more aligned lives.
Visit my website to learn more, and be sure to connect and/or follow me on LinkedIn and Instagram.
About Sarah
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.