Episode 185: What Happens When You're the Child of Survivors of Significant Trauma?
Jeff Furman is an extraordinary combination of his parents. He has the gift of intense observation of people and surroundings, while also demonstrating significant empathy. The two together allow him to predict student behavior in the classroom, making him a highly effective educator.
Growing Up with Survivors of the Holocaust
Jeff Furman is an extraordinary combination of his parents. He has the gift of intense observation of people and surroundings, while also demonstrating significant empathy. The two together allow him to predict student behavior in the classroom, making him a highly effective educator.
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He shared a story of clarity: Watching his girlfriend (many years ago) standing in the shallows of the ocean, hesitating to dive into the large waves, he had an insight as he observed her stepping forward and then stepping back. He asked "are you the child of Holocaust survivors?" She was.
How did he know that? Because his parents were fiercely protective of him, his mother was especially fearful of potential physical harm, and he recognized the effects of that kind of upbringing in his girlfriend.
This conversation was especially fascinating to me because of how his parents differed in the way their protectiveness was demonstrated in their words and actions. I was also highly curious about how Jeff sees the current impact of growing up like that on his life now, as a near-retirement aged professional.
We discussed current research around generational PTSD, and I mentioned an episode of this podcast featuring Rajkumari Neogy where we referred to the studies around intergenerational trauma and epigenetics.
If you're a regular listener of this show, you'll be especially pleased to hear Jeff's answer to my standard request: Tell us something about yourself that most people probably don't know. Hint: It's another musical reference!
Our conversation included a lot of references to the music that lights Jeff up, history related to WWII, and a few locations in and around New York City. Here are some links to satisfy your curiosity:
A few notes from Jeff:
This is a 7-minute mini-documentary with Suzanne Vega that I’m sure you’ll like. She’s filmed in a cab in Manhattan on her way to the Fast Folk pasta dinner, where she is talking about how she is a little afraid of performing a new song in front of Jack Hardy and his peers, who will give constructive criticism. I met Jack Hardy also when he played at our college, and when I moved to Greenwich Village in the 80s, I got to spend some time with him. A lot of the singer-songwriters I interviewed were part of his circle. He was a very talented songwriter and very good singer and performer, but he became more known especially for helping providing the venue (Fast Folk) that others spring-boarded from, especially Suzanne Vega, Lucy Kaplansky, The Roches, and Shawn Colvin. I loved all these talented people and it was a very rich experience for me meeting and interviewing them for the Bergen Record (leading New Jersey newspaper) and Performing Songwriter Magazine. Publishing these articles helped me get my first book contract.
Here is Tom Russell performing the song he wrote: “MANZANAR” about the Japanese internment camp, from the perspective of a Japanese American who was imprisoned there after the attack on Pearl Harbor. I selected this song from Tom’s albums for the interview I did with him for Performing Songwriter Magazine.
And my favorite of all the folk groups part of the Fast Folk scene was The Roches (3 sisters: Terre, Suzzy, and Maggie Roche). I think this is one of their best songs/videos: “Mr. Sellack.” It captures their writing, singing, humor and charm really well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQMwU3TrVE0
Connect with Jeff on LinkedIn, visit his website, and check out his series of project management books here.
ABOUT SARAH:
Podcast cover image with image and quote from Sarah Elkins
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
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The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 138: One Family Story Can Shift Our Identity
Being Jewish was always part of his identity, but it didn't seem particularly meaningful until that moment. He and his sisters started to ask questions, and learned more about the incident and the events that took place afterward. It was those stories that shifted Alan's perspective about hate, about racism, and about bigotry of every kind.
Stories of Family History Can Shift How We See Ourselves, and How We Show Up in the World
Well into his adulthood, Alan Samuel Cohen heard a family story that shifted his sense of self, his identity.
While sitting together at a family dinner with his adult siblings and aging aunts, one of those older women mentioned a specific violent incident that occurred before the family moved to America. She spoke of it clinically, historically, without anger or emotion, though it involved a violent murder that her father, Alan's grandfather, had witnessed.
Being Jewish was always part of his identity, but it didn't seem particularly meaningful until that moment. He and his sisters started to ask questions, and learned more about the incident and the events that took place afterward. It was those stories that shifted Alan's perspective about hate, about racism, and about bigotry of every kind.
In this episode of Your Stories Don't Define You, Alan and I discussed the story, how it affected him, and how he's showing up differently now, when it comes to racism and hate.
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From his website: "For over three decades Alan Cohen has worked with business leaders as an executive coach, senior marketing professional, and human resources consultant. As a sought-after speaker, author, leadership instructor and executive coach, he has helped and inspired senior-level executives and teams to become more connected to their lives and business goals, resulting in greater performance and highly improved business results."
Connect with Alan on LinkedIn, and be sure to order his recently published book.
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Sarah Elkins delights in guiding individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.