Episode 166: Compare and Contrast Doesn't Always Mean Compete
How many times have you listened to a story and wanted to jump in, interrupt, to share a story of your own? Is it because you think your story is better, more meaningful or entertaining? Is it because you want to connect with the person and you know finding something in common is a good way to do that?
When I read a recent article by my friend Tom Dietzler, and he posed those questions in the context of a story he listened to, I was intrigued and reached out to ask him to chat about that on a podcast episode.
Your Story Matters, But Not More Than Someone Else's
Tom Dietzler quote and image.
How many times have you listened to a story and wanted to jump in, interrupt, to share a story of your own? Is it because you think your story is better, more meaningful or entertaining? Is it because you want to connect with the person and you know finding something in common is a good way to do that?
When I read a recent article by my friend Tom Dietzler, and he posed those questions in the context of a story he listened to, I was intrigued and reached out to ask him to chat about that on a podcast episode.
ON FIRES, HISTORY, AND JUST LISTENING … told the story about Tom's deep dive into a 4 part series hosted by Lindsay Graham (not the Senator) on the The Great Chicago Fire of 1871.
As he listened to the details of the beginning of the fire, and even into the second part of the series, Tom desperately wanted to interject, to remind the narrator that there was another fire with even more fatalities and larger footprint at the same time, just 250 miles north of Chicago, in Peshtigo, Wisconsin.
It took him a while to even realize he was doing this, but when he did, he had to take a step back to figure out why. And that's the reason I wanted to chat with him.
When we listen to a story, it's easy for our own similar or related stories to pop into our heads. But what do we miss when we are too busy thinking of what we'll say next to contribute to the conversation?
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Tom Dietzler is a contributing writer for the award winning platform BizCatalyst 360. Connect with him on LinkedIn to receive notifications of his new posts!
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Sarah & her dog, Toblerone on Mt. Helena, Helena, Montana
ABOUT SARAH:
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 165: Don't Fight the Current. Embrace it. Use it to Propel You Forward
Analogies are a powerful way to shift a mindset, taking all the emotion and knowledge of something familiar, and applying it to something completely different.
In our conversation, Joe demonstrated the analogy of taking small steps in business, testing them, and shifting them when necessary to adjust to external forces, and compared that to how a whitewater canoe athlete can roll with the force of the current, testing different positions of the paddle, their body weight, and the position of their legs. Each small adjustment, taken with thought and intention, can make the difference between fighting the current and embracing its power.
Whitewater Canoeing Makes For Ideal Life & Business Analogies
I spend a lot of time on rivers here in Montana, and never thought of that time and all the lessons I've learned in my experiences as analogies for business and life until I read Sarah Johnston's interview with Joe Jacobi.
Analogies are a powerful way to shift a mindset, taking all the emotion and knowledge of something familiar, and applying it to something completely different.
In our conversation, Joe demonstrated the analogy of taking small steps in business, testing them, and shifting them when necessary to adjust to external forces, and compared that to how a whitewater canoe athlete can roll with the force of the current, testing different positions of the paddle, their body weight, and the position of their legs. Each small adjustment, taken with thought and intention, can make the difference between fighting the current and embracing its power.
You don't have to be someone who spends a lot of time on, in, or near rivers to understand this analogy and apply it to whatever problem you're trying to solve.
The highlight of this conversation for me was when Joe described how being mindful makes the difference between getting frustrated and fearful as the river takes control of the boat, and the thoughtful, intentional, subtle movements he makes to get "unstuck" from whatever obstacle he was facing.
As I make my way as a self-employed professional, building my business, trying out small ideas and shifts in my services and focus, I'll continue to consider this analogy, not fighting the current, but embracing its power to propel me forward.
Episode 164: Why I Added #Pronouns to My LinkedIn Profile Name
I added the pronouns (she, her) to my profile name on LinkedIn a couple of weeks ago, and left a comment on a friend's post shortly afterward.
That was the first time my name came up with the pronouns, and someone I love promptly responded with "lose the pronouns" in his response to my comment.
I was annoyed, why would he care what my title says? It felt insulting, critical, like a condescending comment you'd expect from your older brother when you were teenagers. I was being judged.
A Story of Being Intentional About Signals
Quote from podcast episode 164
I added the pronouns (she, her) to my profile name on LinkedIn a couple of weeks ago, and left a comment on a friend's post shortly afterward.
That was the first time my name came up with the pronouns, and someone I love promptly responded with "lose the pronouns" in his response to my comment.
I was annoyed, why would he care what my title says? It felt insulting, critical, like a condescending comment you'd expect from your older brother when you were teenagers. I was being judged.
Sometimes those things that trigger us are important cues for room for self-reflection and personal growth, right? This was one of those triggers.
Now I have nothing but appreciation for that snide remark.
Mt Helena, Helena, Montana February 2021
As I took my walk on the mountain behind my house later that day, I thought more about his comment. It was really bothering me and I couldn’t pinpoint why I was feeling triggered and defensive.
Then it dawned on me, it was the same feeling I had as a teenager and young adult when my brother or sister would give me a hard time about something I said or did. It was the feeling of self-consciousness about not actually thinking through what I said or did, though they could have presented it more gently, there was merit to the criticism. That never feels good.
In this case, I was feeling self-conscious because I hadn't truly considered why I added the pronouns. So there was some merit to my friend’s critical comment. I realized how important it was for me to have clarity around the action of adding pronouns. Otherwise, it’s meaningless. My friends and connections know how much the word intention fills my world… I had done something without fully considering the intention behind it.
The evening before I added pronouns I participated in a webinar "The 5 Languages of Appreciation at Work" hosted by my dear friend Amy Ashworth (who nailed it, by the way.)
In the beginning of the webinar, one participant said that in other small, interactive webinars he attended, guests introduced themselves and added their pronouns to their name. That made sense to me, so I changed my name in Zoom to include my pronouns. I added them in LinkedIn at the same time, to be consistent.
The lightbulb went on in my brain as my heart rate went up, climbing a steep part of the mountain. (That's generally where I find my most meaningful ideas and inspirations.)
I had a vivid memory from just over five years ago: I was looking through my LinkedIn connections and realized the majority of them looked like me. Then I took a hard look at my connections on Facebook and locally, right here in my close community. Again, I was struck by the homogeny of what I was seeing.
Startled and disappointed, I began the work of intentionally broadening my network across political, ethnic, religious, gender identity, sexual preference, and all other communities that have significantly different life experiences from mine. Through a combination of curiosity and intention, I started to build a community that was far more diverse, not for the sake of diversity, but for the sake of inclusion, personal growth, and yes, love. I love people, even the ones I don’t like very much. And when I became aware of my limited circle of friends and acquaintances, I felt like a fraud. It seemed hypocritical for me to share my thoughts about love, justice, community, and communication, given my limited exposure to people who think and look and have experiences that are significantly different from mine.
In these past 5 years, my world has expanded and my feelings of connection have deepened. It hasn't always been easy, especially given the polarization of communities over the past 4 years. I've had to listen carefully, consider how my world view and experiences have created my biases and filters, and have experienced gentle and not-so-gentle correction for stepping in it with people I care deeply about.
Our micro-aggressions run deep, that's why they can be so hard for us to see, and why it hurts when someone points it out.
I’ve continued to practice my own gentle corrections when I’ve experienced bias, whether as a woman, a Jew, a mother, an American, and one time – as a Jewish woman living in Montana.
(My go-to demonstration of a micro-aggression is when a bartender said to me a few years ago: "You look really good for 40!" after asking to see my ID. I gently corrected him. "No need to qualify that compliment. Just tell me I look good.")
So why did I suddenly add pronouns?
I hadn't added pronouns before because I have a feminine name, and believe it's obvious that I identify as a woman. It didn’t seem necessary.
When our older son was the only Jewish kid in his class in kindergarten, and the teacher offered to let him put a birds nest on the top of his Christmas Tree calendar instead of a star. That way he could call it a Winter Tree instead.
When I added pronouns it wasn't for me. It isn't about me.
It’s about normalizing something for those who feel marginalized by having to point it out.
That was it. My "ah ha" moment on the mountain.
Adding pronouns was a simple and effective indication to my network that my world is broadening. Because what we share about ourselves, images, words, stories, and yes, pronouns, are all signals for the people around us.
I’m indicating that my love and care for people isn't despite their differences, but because of them.
Our differences aren't something to be tolerated, they're something to explore, to value, and to celebrate.
Sarah and chocolate lab, Toby, snow, Mt Helena, Helena, Montana
ABOUT SARAH:
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 163: Life Will Blindside You, Sometimes Literally
Some of us make plans for the future, some simply let each day define and shape the next. I don't think any of us anticipate every potential scenario of change, transformation, or trauma. Even the most morbid or realistic of us cannot predict or prepare for the reality of tomorrow.
That's what Maria Johnson realized as she received the diagnosis of a rare disease that was quickly denying her the ability to see. She had been concerned about her eyesight, went for dozens of tests as she realized it was getting worse. It wasn't until 7 months after she went for her first doctor visit, and only one month prior to completely losing her vision and becoming legally blind, that she finally received her diagnosis. And there was nothing to be done. No cure. No treatment.
A Story of Becoming Blind at 50
Some of us make plans for the future, some simply let each day define and shape the next. I don't think any of us anticipate every potential scenario of change, transformation, or trauma. Even the most morbid or realistic of us cannot predict or prepare for the reality of tomorrow.
That's what Maria Johnson realized as she received the diagnosis of a rare disease that was quickly denying her the ability to see. She had been concerned about her eyesight, went for dozens of tests as she realized it was getting worse. It wasn't until 7 months after she went for her first doctor visit, and only one month prior to completely losing her vision and becoming legally blind, that she finally received her diagnosis. And there was nothing to be done. No cure. No treatment.
For a long time she held out hope that she would be the exception. That her vision would return if she just believed, worked hard enough, was lucky.
Her doctor finally had the most painful conversation with her. He told her it was time to grieve her loss of vision. It wasn't coming back. It was time to consider the reality of the situation, grieve, and move on.
Maria shared the story of trying to shop for a prom dress with her daughter, the painful and beautiful way she found her own ability, despite the limitations of her disability, to participate in a meaningful way, with the help of her son and a large format iPad.
When you listen to Maria speak about her experience, you'll hear the unresolved questions of why, and you'll also hear her resolve to make her life, and the lives of those around her, a different kind of normal, an extraordinary normal, if that's a thing.
I know, it doesn't make sense, and none of it does. Something so tragic in a person's life can go so many different ways. Maria could have fallen into despair, she could have lived as a "poor me" and no one would fault her for it.
Or she could have taken the path of least resistance and simply made her way through life with the skills she had, the people she had in her life, and been, well, mediocre.
She didn't do any of that. She started a blog to share her experiences, to guide others with loss of vision, and to bring some comfort to the support network of those people, to share what their friends and family needed when they lost their vision.
She grew, transformed, and found her way toward growing new dreams, new goals. You might just be surprised what someone like Maria can do.
To learn more about her, visit her website, and follow her on LinkedIn and Facebook.
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ABOUT SARAH:
Purchase the audiobook here.
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically
with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 162: When Your World Crashes Down, You Rebuild by Helping Others
Charles Clark's mother wanted to fix it. She was desperate to see her son climb back up from the deep, deep hole she was watching him experience. Seeing someone we love in despair is likely the most painful grief.
"What can I do, Charles. How can I help you?"
"No mom, this is something I have to do myself."
When I heard this story, my eyes filled with tears. All I could think about was his mother's pain and pride in that moment. The pain of helplessness and the pride in hearing those words.
For An Athlete, An Injury Can Put Your Identity and Your Story to the Test
Charles Clark's mother wanted to fix it. She was desperate to see her son climb back up from the deep, deep hole she was watching him experience. Seeing someone we love in despair is likely the most painful grief.
"What can I do, Charles. How can I help you?"
"No mom, this is something I have to do myself."
When I heard this story, my eyes filled with tears. All I could think about was his mother's pain and pride in that moment. The pain of helplessness and the pride in hearing those words.
That wasn't the only story Charles shared in this episode that brought tears to my eyes, and we laughed, too. This was an hour of incredible story sharing, I think I experienced every emotion as this masterful storyteller opened his world for me to experience with him.
If you haven't heard of Charles Clark, the former World-Class American sprinter, now inspirational speaker, you'll be so glad to meet him through this episode of Your Stories Don't Define You.
And if you did know a little about him, you might just become an even bigger fan after listening in to our conversation.
Connect with Charles on LinkedIn, visit his website, and be sure to follow him on Facebook (that's where I discovered this amazing guy) and Instagram!
Charles Clark, the creator of the Thrive Planner and the Thrive Tribe Podcast, is an expert in habit improvement, discovering purpose, vision creating and goal setting. After he became the 6th fastest man in the world, a devastating injury left him searching for his identity. Charles developed techniques that brought clarity to his life’s purpose while establishing massive confidence.
Charles’ modern transformation strategies, empowering presentations, and high-performance mindset hacks have made him a sought-after speaker and coach for leading organizations like Dick’s Sporting Goods, Nike, Raymond James Financial, Frontier Communications, iHeart Radio, US Army, and FSU.
About Sarah:
Purchase the audiobook here.
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically
with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 161: "Tell Them Your Story" Words That Transform
For JD Gerschbein, it was the combination of his experience in healing, as a child of a physician and as a medical student, and the desire to provide practical guidance for people to improve their potential in career and life that brought him to his moment.
"JD, I know you'll share useful information about LinkedIn for this audience... Share your story. Tell them what brought you here."
"Tell them your story."
JD Gershbein's Professional Brand Was Born That Day
What is it that triggers an "ah ha" moment, what is it that takes a moment from obscurity to clarity?
For JD Gershbein, it was the combination of his experience in healing, as a child of a physician and as a medical student, and the desire to provide practical guidance for people to improve their potential in career and life that brought him to his moment.
"JD, I know you'll share useful information about LinkedIn for this audience... Share your story. Tell them what brought you here."
"Tell them your story."
That moment was pivotal for JD, and he shared the story about the comment from the event coordinator and how that shifted his entire perspective about being a speaker, consultant, and all around more effective communicator.
What I loved about this conversation was the practical application of focusing on stories as a connection point, and as an opportunity to find clarity in your work.
The time flew by as we recorded, and I hope you find it as inspiring as I did.
About Sarah:
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Episode 160: When You Feel Honored to Do the Work You Do
This woman is absolutely compelled to improve life for people she encounters. She sees the best in people, and has a beautiful way of bringing out the most endearing qualities. At the same time, she doesn't hesitate to let them know when they're getting in their own way.
Her number one talent in the StrengthsFinder assessment is Includer, which means that she is compelled to include others, and to be included herself. Sarah is the kind of woman who walks into a roomful of people and has a sixth sense in finding the most uncomfortable person, knowing exactly what to say to make them more comfortable, and nurturing that comfort to the point of that person actually enjoying themselves.
Life Just Makes More Sense When Your Work Lights You Up
Image of Sarah Johnston for podcast cover art.
Have you ever interviewed or been interviewed by someone with your name? Boy can that feel strange and awkward.
This conversation with Sarah Johnston was anything but awkward. She dropped some insights here that kept my brain in gear and spinning for days afterward.
This woman is absolutely compelled to improve life for people she encounters. She sees the best in people, and has a beautiful way of bringing out the most endearing qualities. At the same time, she doesn't hesitate to let them know when they're getting in their own way.
Her number one talent in the StrengthsFinder assessment is Includer, which means that she is compelled to include others, and to be included herself. Sarah is the kind of woman who walks into a roomful of people and has a sixth sense in finding the most uncomfortable person, knowing exactly what to say to make them more comfortable, and nurturing that comfort to the point of that person actually enjoying themselves.
When Sarah works with a client, she listens with an intensity to hear what is not being said. Her story about the medical student who had given up on applying for a residency, and instead decided to focus on applying to be a medical technician or physician's assistant provides a crystal clear image of what she hears and how she compassionately presents her thoughts to others.
Sarah's work most definitely has huge impact on individual job seekers, but the true gift in her work is the ripple effect it has. For a person who has been out of work or under employed for a significant length of time, simply getting an interview can create a positive shift in mindset. Getting a job means a huge impact on that person's family and friends, and can shift the lives of others through the decisions to pay it forward.
The way that Sarah transitioned between jobs, and then into her own business is inspiring.
*Correction at approximately 20 minutes, I referred to Heather Younger's book, The Art of Caring Leadership, which will be released in Spring, 2021, but her first book is, The 7 Intuitive Laws of Employee Loyalty, and was published in 2017. Listen to her podcast here.