No Such Thing as Work/Life Balance

Every time I hear someone profess to know the secret to work/life balance, I bristle. First, there is no such thing as work/life balance, and second, there are no easy answers to finding a comfortable position in life when you are continually growing and changing.

No Work/Life Balance, Only Life Balance

I'm not sure it was ever possible to separate your personal and professional lives, but it was probably more likely before the age of the Internet and social media. In the past, people had their jobs, and then they went home to family and friends. You never really knew what went on behind closed doors, once an employee left the office, the only way for his colleagues to see his misbehavior is if they came to the family BBQ and witnessed his behavior after a few too many beers.

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Unless you are one of those people for whom this equation works comfort=happiness, you are going to have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. When you put yourself in a place of discomfort, doing something out of your normal routine, you grow. As long as you stay in your routine, comfortable and generally unchallenged, you will stagnate. The only way to grow and improve, the only way to reach your goals and make your dream life is to step out of that comfort zone and take some risks.

Work/Life Balance Means Something is Missing

If you feel like your work and life are balanced, it may mean you are compartmentalizing. That's not always a bad thing, but it isn't something that is  sustainable. When we compartmentalize, we are separating our thoughts and feelings into distinct categories, home vs. work, which means that we are not addressing the underlying issues and concerns in our overall lives. Our brains are most effective and efficient when all of the parts are interacting and engaging. According to Melissa Hughes in her book, Happy Hour with Einstein:

While specific regions of the brain are responsible for specific things, we are aware that the brain functions as a whole system. The better the regions integrate with each other, the better they all work independently.

If you really want change; if you really want to do something different with your life, stop working so hard for balance, and try being unbalanced for a while. Take risks; take the leap, and realize true growth.

don't miss this opportunity to grow. Register for No Longer virtual today!

After Conference Hangover

So excited to begin implementing ideas, I actually arrived early to work the morning I returned from the conference. That's a big deal for me; I love to sleep and rarely choose to get up an earlier than I have to. But that morning was different. That week would be different. My JOB would be different. I was on fire.

The conference had been full of great topics, from sales to leadership, from marketing to financial analysis. My favorite sessions were the keynote and breakout session on marketing in our industry, hosted by the keynote speaker. He reminded me why I loved that class when I was going through my undergraduate business program. His excitement for the planning process, implementation, and follow up analysis was contagious; I couldn't wait to get back to work and start my own project!

That Monday, I sat down at my desk and penciled in time on my busy calendar to work on a formal marketing plan. Allowing myself 30 minutes to get started by looking at available online templates, I found myself selecting a simple but solid format and downloading it to my desktop. My boss walked in as I was saving it; he was surprised to see me already settled into my day, a bit earlier than usual. In an uneasy, suspicious, fake-happy tone:

What are you so happily working on first thing this morning?

"You know that break-out session I went to at the conference last week? The one on marketing plans and implementation? I'm working on a marketing plan for us, to formalize some of what I've been doing, and to make it easier to budget and analyze the success of what we're doing here. I've been so busy since I started, trying to build business, I completely forgot how important this tool can be!"

Why do we need a marketing plan? You should be pounding the pavement. Didn't we have this conversation, that you need to spend less time onsite and more time selling?

In less than ten seconds, my boss had me nearly deflated. I didn't give up, though, I just knew I was on the right track. Every time I had 15 minutes alone in the office, I worked on that marketing plan. I knew I needed the document to help me stay on track and see results in my efforts at that job. In my optimistic mind, when I presented the finished product to my boss, he'd appreciate it -- he'd realized why we needed it. I'll save the results of that work for another blog post; let's just say it wasn't pretty.

I tried to keep my enthusiasm that week and the next. Interactions with staff included some discussion of things I learned and ideas I wanted to share; some were motivated to work on them. Most just nodded and smiled, assuming the ideas would go away and they could get back to their routines without having to work too hard.

Within two weeks, I may as well have not gone to that conference at all.

Have you been to conferences that got you all excited, only to return to your routine and lose momentum within days or weeks? Why is that? Is it the conference itself, setting up unreasonable expectations? Is it your colleagues who didn't attend, who aren't motivated to step things up and improve?

How do we fix this?

I have an idea about that and I'm implementing it at the No Longer Virtual conference in February. Because the participation is limited to 50 people, every person will have the opportunity to meet the facilitators and other participants and truly connect. Think about the value of that roomful of advocates for you, your career, and your business. Participants will keep in contact via the No Longer Virtual Facebook group and via LinkedIn, solidifying not only the learning and motivation from the event itself, but the relationships that were built in those 48 hours.

Think about the opportunity. Think about the value. Can you afford to miss this?

Watch my enthusiastic interview about NLV with Chris Spurvey here:

Do You Value Yourself? How Much?

Do you value yourself? Do you value your professional and personal development? How much?

What is your budget for inspiration, encouragement, and solid strategy for improvement? I want to know, because I want to help.

"Hope is not a strategy."

Wiser words have rarely been spoken, and thanks to Trent Selbrede, those words are burned into my mind and have dramatically changed the way I write and think. Instead of writing hope, hopeful, or hopefully, I write intend, plan, and will.

"Fear is a liar."

This sentence is next in line in my current thought process, thanks to Trish Goff. When I find myself falling into my gerbil-like mind with circular thinking about what could go wrong, that is the sentence that I will into my consciousness.

If someone else had planned something like the No Longer Virtual conference, I would invest quite a lot to attend. As a matter of fact, I AM investing quite a lot to attend, and here's why:

The people facilitating these interactive sessions are some of the most competent, motivated, inspiring and inspired people I've had the pleasure to meet; I've only met one of them face-to-face. The people already registered are some of the smartest, most self-aware, kind, ambitious and motivated people I've met, and I've only met one of them face-to-face.

I know that to maximize my learning from these incredible people I must meet them face-to-face. It is worth the investment I'm making to have this experience because I know that -

what I put into it is exactly what I'll get out of it.

And I intend (not hope) to make this a life-changing experience.

I know that I need to continue to learn strategies to leverage my online network in my offline life. This agenda is full of topics I know will help me move my business and my life forward, and I know it will be worth the investment.

The question is, how much can you - should you - invest to avoid missing this opportunity?

Real Life in Real Time

Just imagine: You've been emailing, texting and talking on the phone with someone you met online. You feel so connected, the relationship feels real and true. It has been months and you've talked about everything under the sun, you've had weekly video chats, so you know her picture matches her profile.

Where do you go next? How long do you wait before you meet? Maybe you live thousands of miles apart, so you're trying to figure out how to meet somewhere in the middle. How long will you keep up this "virtual" relationship without meeting each other face-to-face? Do you have to meet? Of course you do! An online relationship can only go so far, right?

Here's another scenario: You've been talking about a beach vacation for years. You've never been to the beautiful beaches on the Gulf side of Florida. You look at pictures, you read stories, you watch movies that were filmed nearby. You reach out to contacts in the area and hear stories and descriptions of the white, soft sand, the bath-like temperature of the water, the bright blue-green of the ocean. But you still haven't SEEN it, TOUCHED it, EXPERIENCED it for yourself. You can only experience part of the story if you never actually visit, right?

Your online network is the same. How many years will you go without ever meeting those people you've been interacting with online? How long can a relationship withstand the distance? Without meeting face-to-face, an online relationship can only reach a certain level. To build trust and long-term value, at some point you have to meet.

No Longer Virtual is that opportunity. The entire structure of the event is interactive, engaging workshops so you have the opportunity to meet and get to know every person involved, including the facilitators.

This is not your mother's professional development conference. This is about innovative thinking, improving your relationships in business and life, and finally connecting the dots to connect beyond the keyboard.

It's time to #makeitreal at #NoLongerVirtual. Register today and meet me in Atlanta February 23 & 24, 2017!

I climbed a mountain to help you make your decision to come to NLV!

Lift Up Others, Learn, Grow

It was a day full of inspiration, one of those that just sticks with you. What seemed like small moments throughout the day keep coming back to me, much deeper and larger in application in real life.

The Helena Women's Leadership Network had their annual conference on Friday, October 7th. There were just over 100 women in a large room with a small stage and podium up front. To one side of the stage was a comfortably arranged sitting area, complete with a soft, plush leather couch and a side table. The sitting area was set up for speakers for each session to relax and support each other before standing in front of that incredible audience. That's just one of the many small details that made the day special.

My presentation on body language was scheduled in the first part of the day. I sat on the couch feeling more than a little giddy and very nervous. I was taking a big risk in my plan for my presentation, using props that could be fantastic at best, embarrassing at worst. It doesn't matter how many times I present to an audience, no matter how many times I sing for a crowd, my nerves exacerbate my essential tremors and I find my hands shaking. If I'm feeling that anxious, despite my years of experience, I realized as I sat next to the other women getting ready to take the stage, that they may be feeling even more of that rush of adrenaline. So I calmed myself, taking deep breaths, and focused my energy on providing comforting, peaceful energy for the women around me.

It's amazing how that focused energy and goal to help others changes things.

There were intentional themes for the event, the organizers selected the additional speakers based on their complementary themes with the keynote, Bonnie Milletto, and her messages of inspiration, service to others, and trust and belief in ourselves.

As much as I saw, heard, and embraced those themes across all presentations, there was another, more subtle one that I noticed and felt deeply. It was vulnerability.

Every woman who took the stage, no matter how practiced, how experienced, how successful, every one of us mentioned being nervous. Each woman had her own way of sharing that theme, one said that she hadn't eaten that morning, "which is why I didn't throw up." How's that for vulnerable?

Why is this important? Why is vulnerability such an essential part of who we are, no matter where we are in life? Because it demonstrates our humanity. Vulnerability is not about weakness. Vulnerability is about choosing to step out of our comfort zone and put ourselves into a place of unpredictability, it's about taking risks. Brené Brown has made a successful career of studying this concept and helping millions of people understand the value of vulnerability. She has made this part of our vocabulary in the professional world, and people are finally figuring out that demonstrating our humanity is actually a good thing.

Over the past few years I've had the opportunity to meet in person and online some absolutely incredible people. I saw Rickie Lee Jones in a small venue, sat right up front and interacted with her. One of my heroes, Whitney Johnson, author of Disrupt Yourself, published my writing as a guest on her blog twice in the past few years. And I spent time on the phone with Karthik Rajan, one of the LinkedIn writers I've admired (and, let's face it, put on a pedestal) for years. Here's the message I want to share with people: We are all flawed. We are all beautifully flawed human beings. No one is superior to another. Every one of us has something to learn from each person with whom we have the opportunity to interact. Every one of us has the ability, the responsibility to lead others by example in considerate, compassionate behavior.

Here's your challenge: Talk to people. Trust yourself, believe you have something to offer to every single person you meet. Never underestimate your value and your ability to serve others. Your words and actions are powerful, choose to use them with consideration, kindness, and compassion.

Thanks to the women who participated in the event, the day was full of inspiration and each participant brought the necessary energy to make it happen. A special thanks the board of the Women's Leadership Network for making this outstanding event happen.

Share Your Vision, Build Your Business

She stood outside her restaurant, unassuming, obviously an artist, with her cool hat and hip vest. I didn't know who she was; she introduced herself as Natalie, the owner of Chow in downtown Las Vegas.

We visited for a few minutes, she asked about Montana and about music. And then I asked about her story and her restaurants. This is a remarkable woman. I had no idea, as I stood on the sidewalk with her, that I was hearing the story of a woman who has hit rock bottom and come back to achieve and succeed not only in her career, but in inspiring others.

The staff are shared between her two downtown Las Vegas restaurants, Chow and Eat, providing quality training and opportunities for all of them. And it shows. That evening in Chow, the restaurant was closed to the public for a private party. The group rented music equipment for the evening, microphones, amplifiers, speakers, etc., and planned to have a jam session while they ate. When the truck with the equipment arrived, staff immediately jumped to help and ask what they could do for their guests.

Chow's staff were accommodating, kind, and warmly professional all evening, and the food was delicious. Chef Nat stayed for a while, sitting in the back observing the party, and sometimes visiting with staff and guests. When the party was ending, staff immediately jumped in to help put the equipment back into boxes and store everything near the door for pickup the next morning.

It was a late night for those of us playing music and visiting the bars afterward, so when we woke the next morning, my first thought was to try Chef Nat's other restaurant, Eat. I was not disappointed. As we walked into the restaurant, Jessica, the hostess from the evening before greeted us not only with a smile, but with recognition as guests from that evening. Kevin, the adorable young man who made sure I had everything I needed at Chow was there at Eat the next day to serve again. You would never know they had been up late the night before, hosting, serving, and accommodating a rowdy group of engineers/musicians. Even Chef Nat was sitting at a table with customers, chatting away with a smile on her face.

We had one more day in Las Vegas; guess where we ate breakfast again that next day? Yes, Eat, and we were pleasantly served by Robert, the same kind, excellent staff who served us breakfast the previous day.

I've spent enough time in the restaurant/hospitality/customer service industries to know what I'm observing in any service environment, and this was unique. Her employees, though wonderful at their jobs, weren't there just for work. They were there, serving and caring for customers for Chef Nat and her vision.

A while ago I wrote a post called Hire People Who Love Your Product. When a person loves your product, they become advocates and brand ambassadors for it. But if they also share your vision and understand it, they become part of something much bigger than a job or a product. That's what Chef Nat is doing in downtown Las Vegas. This woman is building more than fabulous little restaurants. She is building communities. She is building hope, opportunity, and resilience. 

*Cover Photo by Heidi Roth: http://www.foodnwhine.com/blog/2015/12/17/chicken-and-chinese-at-chow-las-vegas

Welcome to the Real World

Our older son is getting ready to graduate from high school. It has not been an easy road for him. We spent a lot of time and money over the years at office supply stores, trying to find tools to help him stay organized and on top of things. Nothing really worked, and as a result, his grades were never stellar. To add to his level of stress over the past few years, our family has experienced a lot of grief, the loss of both of his grandfathers, his step-grandfather, and a very close family friend, all within 3 years. After our most recent loss, a musician who spent a lot of time in our house, I asked how he was feeling:

"I'm ok, mom. I guess I'm just sort of numb at this point."

When people talk about his graduation and the beginning of his "real world" experience, I bristle.

I remember when I was graduating from high school and people said: "Have fun, welcome to the real world!" I also remember being in college and people dismissed my frustrations with comments like "just wait until you get into the REAL WORLD."

It was as if life as I knew it, those years of struggle and growth, somehow didn't qualify as the REAL WORLD.

I can't be the only one who remembers those tween and teen years like they were yesterday. It's not just memories of things that happened or things I did; I have vivid, painful and wonderful memories of how I felt. Those feelings were real. Those struggles were real, some of them more real and more impactful than many experiences since then. Those difficult times, those triumphs and perceived failures were very real to me and continue to shape who I am and who I want to be in the future.

Can you honestly say those years didn't somehow change you? That the personal discoveries and dysfunctional relationships, those physical changes didn't have an impact on who you are today?

The real world is whatever we are experiencing at any given time. I can appreciate that as a young child and teenager my worries were significantly different from the adults around me, but they weren't insignificant. I didn't have to go to a job I might not like for 40+ hours each week; I didn't have to buy my own groceries, toilet paper, and laundry detergent, and I didn't have to worry about rent or mortgage or savings.

My real world then was filled with mean girls, difficult relationships, being a mediocre student (at best), and all the drama that comes with the hormonal fluctuations of a teenager. I wouldn't go back -- there's absolutely no way I would go back to those years.

In different stages of life, I remember observing people older than me and wondering what I would be like at that point in my life. In other stages in my life, I observe people younger than I am, and remember so much of what I was like, what I thought, how I felt, how I behaved. It gives me perspective and helps to remind me to not judge others; I can't possibly know what they're going through, what shaped them.

Maybe if we recognize that each individual has stories that shape us, from toddlers to adults, and that each story is relevant at every point in our lives, we can develop a better sense of how to help each other.

What do you think? Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager and young adult? Did those years feel like real life to you?