A Hero's Story Doesn't Have to be Epic
One thing people seem to misunderstand about being a storyteller, or simply about sharing stories, is that a story doesn't have to be flashy or exciting to make it interesting. As a matter of fact, most people prefer stories they can relate to, that they find humor in, and that connect with them on an emotional level.
It Just Has to be Meaningful and Well Told
One thing people seem to misunderstand about being a storyteller, or simply about sharing stories, is that a story doesn't have to be flashy or exciting to make it interesting. It doesn't have to involve celebrities or risk of life and limb. As a matter of fact, most people prefer stories they can relate to, that they find humor in, and that connect with them on an emotional level.
These are aspects of storytelling that really lend themselves well to video; when we share a story on video, as opposed to in writing or audio-only, we share our facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice, all on a potentially much larger scale than face-to-face performance.
Jason and Matt from Beard & Bowler are very familiar with emotionally connecting stories, and are masters at uncovering personal, heroic stories and sharing them with the world. Though that wasn't what they thought they'd be doing with their lives, they have taken on this task with great competence and ambition.
Their first hero story was when they realized they were really on to something. Jason's experience as a journalist was what pushed him to seek out these hero stories. He got tired of every story being sad and full of grief; he realized not only was he becoming cynical and accustomed to a similar tragic story every day, he also realized that those stories were self-fulfilling, and that the more we shared them, the more it would become common to experience them. That's when he decided to look for the good stories, the stories of people being compassionate, generous, and making a positive difference in their communities. And not just the big, well-known, celebrity style stories. Jason and Matt look for the stories of people within companies that make great ambassadors both as employees and as people.
Listen to the podcast to hear where this motivation comes from, you might be surprised.
Visit the Beard & Bowler website to learn more about what they do and how they do it, and connect with Jason and Matt on LinkedIn.
Choose Your Location, and the Job Will Follow
JeanAnn never really thought about what she wanted to do in terms of everyday work to make an income, instead, she decided where she wanted to live, and picked a career that would take her to that place.
The Stories We Choose Define Us
JeanAnn never really thought about what she wanted to do in terms of everyday work to make an income, instead, she decided where she wanted to live, and picked a career that would take her to that place.
Fortunately, she was raised in a household where traditional gender modeling wasn't a thing, so when she decided to go into engineering, it didn't seem unusual or unattainable.
Two parts of our conversation stand out to me:
- Even in 2016, school children were expressing gender stereotypes. During career day at a local elementary school, as she introduced JeanAnn, the teacher asked the students what they thought she did. The first suggestions? A teacher. A nurse. And while those are wonderful careers, they are traditionally held by women. It's startling to me to hear those traditional ideas in a classroom in 2016.
- JeanAnn never thought of herself as a trailblazer; her success came because she's competent, and a great ambassador for her people (women, mothers, engineers), and maybe there was a little luck in her corner because she didn't experience the blatant sexism others have experienced. She isn't successful because she's a woman, or in spite of it. She's successful because she's competent, a great communicator, and has the confidence to stand up and do what she wants to do.
Would you consider choosing your career based on where you want to live? I would - and I have - but not with intention.
As always, this conversation made some big twists and turns before coming back to the theme: The stories we tell ourselves are exactly what we will believe.
As an executive coach, JeanAnn Nichols specializes in supporting experienced corporate leaders who seek to create space for meaningful development and sustainable adaptation to change. Whether the challenge is guiding your business through a transition, taking the next step in your career, or improving your overall life satisfaction, JeanAnn’s coaching will help you reach your goals, enhance your perspective, and inspire your team.
Connect with JeanAnn to learn more about what she does on LinkedIn, and by visiting her website.
Stories Through Generations: How Our Family History Shapes Our Internal Narrative
As often happens in these conversations, we took some twists and turns from topic to topic, and somehow found our way back to the original theme of the podcast: Our family history shapes us, and if we don't share those stories, we not only leave gaping holes in our understanding of ourselves, we lose our connection to other humans.
The popularity of DNA and geneology tests and apps is a big indication that people are interested to know where they came from. We all have different reasons for wanting to know; many simply want to know what genetic predispositions they may face as they age, or have children. More of us are curious because we define ourselves by our stories, our backgrounds, and the people who came before us.
As a child, I remember sitting at our dinner table and hearing stories of our grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and distant cousins from the past. Some stories were funny, others were fascinating in their unfamiliar use of language and a time so different from ours. In our family, the narrative was that we were from Russia on both sides, and that our great grandparents all came from a similar part of the world. When I heard stories of my great-grandmother coming to America with her three daughters, her husband left behind for health reasons, and living with her brother just scraping by, I have a vivid picture in my head.
And when I doubt myself or feel less than brave or strong, I think of that great-grandmother and her resilience, perseverance, courage and resourcefulness. It gives me comfort, knowing that DNA was passed on to me, and that if she could survive intense hardship and grief, so can I.
Wendy Weiner Runge shares other people's stories through film as a producer. Her recent project, R4CH43L, is a Holocaust story with a tragic ending, as most are. What I wanted to know was how her family history shaped her perspective in telling the story of R4CH43L, which is not her own family's story.
As often happens in these conversations, we took some twists and turns from topic to topic, and somehow found our way back to the original theme of the podcast: Our family history shapes us, and if we don't share those stories, we not only leave gaping holes in our understanding of ourselves, we lose our connection to other humans.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this conversation.
Wendy Weiner Runge is a spirited writer, experienced film and television producer, ebullient story teller, and proud collector of amazing people. With her partner, Noah Bewley, they are producing a diverse slate of films, including R4CH43L and the films, video games and graphic novel series of the JOURN3Y trilogy:
💥Crossing To Existence, ⛓Collecting The Hidden, and 🔥Ceasing The Darkness.
If her stories resonate with you, and you're interested in learning more about what she does and how she magically creates the world around her, connect with her on LinkedIn, and consider supporting the production of this important film, R4CH43L.
Your Brain on Stories: How Stories Impact Your World View
He was sitting in the school library with his friends on a rainy day, laughing and getting the negative attention of the staff. Picking up a random novel from the shelf to hide behind and pretend to read, a sentence actually caught his attention, and he was completely transported to the world of Dune.
Impacts of Hearing and Writing Other People's Stories
He was sitting in the school library with his friends on a rainy day, laughing and getting the negative attention of the staff. Picking up a random novel from the shelf to hide behind and pretend to read, a sentence actually caught his attention, and he was transported to the world of Dune.
It was the third in the series, and when he finished it, he went back to read the first two. That fateful rainy day changed how David Amerland saw his world, and his future in it. The premise behind Dune, written in 1965 is incredibly relevant today. Like so many of our most cherished science fiction novels, we’re seeing ominous signals of our future, strangely mirroring our wildest science fiction fantasies of the past.
In Dune, the people of the future are like computers, our minds are what drive development, not the opposite, as we see today. And that’s what David saw in his future; recognizing the incredible power of the human brain, and how it’s impacted by what we observe, consciously and unconsciously.
Our thoughts and behaviors are shaped by our perceptions of all of our interactions, experiences, and observations of our stories, and we’re also shaped by other people’s stories that we hear and read. Many iterations of “rags to riches” stories capture our attention, not because they are our stories, but because we are motivated and enthralled by the stories we want to relate to. When we hear or read about the struggles, obstacles, and successes of others, we can see ourselves in those stories, even if our experiences are completely different. It’s the emotion – the feelings – behind the stories that capture our attention, not necessarily the actual experiences.
Recent studies have shown that hearing someone tell a story triggers specific activity in our brains. When we hear a story being told, the active part of our brain is the same active part of the brain as the person who is telling the story. In other words, if I share a story really well, I can get others to practically experience it.
There’s more to it, of course, involving release of oxytocin in the brain. You can read more here, and here.
Listen to this fascinating conversation with David Amerland, and let us know your thoughts in the comments.
David Amerland is an international speaker, author and business journalist. He's also a gypsy careerist (like me), because his interests span the spectrum of science and humanity. His recently published book, The Sniper Mind, takes mindfulness and focus techniques that are critical to success in that arena, and applies those techniques to professional and personal success. I'm a little conflicted with this idea, and at the same time, totally intrigued by it.
Enjoyed the podcast? Read about David on his website, connect with him on LinkedIn, and buy his book.
Expectations: Fuel for Resentment, or Critical Growth Factor?
The Stories We Tell Ourselves About Others Can Wreak Havoc in Relationships
When Melissa Hughes talks about expectations, she puts them into four categories:
- Expectations of yourself
- Expectations for yourself
- Expectations of others
- Expectations for others
As an educator, she knows that students will be more successful when a teacher has high expectations of them. She also knows that expectations, when not managed and understood, can fuel resentment in a relationship.
What's really fascinating is that when an expectation isn't met, it can have devastating effects, so devastating that our brain reacts in the same way as when we feel physical pain.
Feel good neural transmitters are released when our expectations are met - and they drop dramatically when our expectations are NOT met, especially when it is a surprise to us.
We tell ourselves stories of the people around us, stories of what we believe they will do, no matter what evidence we have about our past experience with them. Listen to the conversation to learn more.
Melissa Hughes is a talented speaker, and author of Happy Hour with Einstein. To learn more about her talents with every different kind of audience, visit her website. And be sure to connect with her on LinkedIn, and follow her on YouTube to be notified of her upcoming engagements, blog and video posts, and book releases.
Why It Works with Joe Kwon - Storytelling
5.0 Why It Works: Sarah Elkins on Storytelling
in Podcast
Have you ever wondered why some storytellers mesmerize you and others give Ambien a run for its money? How come some stories you tell have people on the edge of their seat and others induce yawns? Did you know that there is a lot more than words that goes into telling a good story?
In today's episode of "Why It Works," Sarah Elkins, a leadership and storytelling coach, reveals some of the hidden mechanisms behind storytelling. Listen in to find out the connection between vulnerability and storytelling, how lessons from music can improve your storytelling and the one thing that drives Sarah crazy about bad storytellers.
Every Interaction is an Opportunity
Our first son was slow with words, and fast with walking and climbing. He was pulling himself up stairs before he was actively crawling and could climb walls as soon as he could walk, literally; he climbed walls using the baseboard to begin his ascent.
Modeling Behavior to Change the Story
Our first son was slow with words, and fast with walking and climbing. He was pulling himself up stairs before he was actively crawling and could climb walls as soon as he could walk, literally; he climbed walls using the baseboard to begin his ascent.
When he was a year old, I noticed that when I handed him something or helped him with something, he would say "dee-dah" in a sing-song voice "dee-dah!" It was different from his "da", which meant he wanted something, that word sounded like "that." He didn't have words or sentences, but if you have experience with little children, you know sometimes you can understand certain phrases before they sound like words.
I called my mother and she heard him say "dee-dah" when I handed him a cracker. "What is he saying?" I told her I didn't know. She said "it sounds like he's saying thank you!" “Maybe, mom; that might be what he’s saying.” I decided to test her theory. For the rest of the day, I paid more attention as I handed him food or something else he asked for. He absolutely was using that phrase in the correct context for thank you. I called my mother later that day to tell her she was right. I said: “I didn't know he knew that phrase! I hadn't been working with him on that one, though I we definitely worked on please.
“He is saying that because he hears you saying that to people, and he hears you and his father saying that to each other.”
What a great thing to hear from someone you respect and admire, right? It felt pretty good, in terms of being confident in my parenting, to know our son was picking up what I think is a really good habit – pleases and thank yous. I felt just a tiny bit smug about my parenting.
I became a bit more aware and intentional about what I was saying around him after that, but wasn’t entirely aware, which is why I was caught off-guard a year or so later at a grocery store.
I was visiting family in the Baltimore area, and my cousin and I took Jacob along to pick up some groceries. They had that new grocery cart with the truck front and basket back, so kids could pretend they were driving. When we walked in and Jacob saw it, his eyes brightened and he pointed to ask if we could take that cart. “Of course”, I said; it was such a great idea, and we didn’t have those carts in Montana yet.
It was seconds after he got in to drive, and I started to push the cart toward the produce, when he said very loudly:
“Come ON, buddy!”
I blushed and glanced over at my cousin, laughing, and she said: “It could have been worse, right?” That was when I realized how much of what we were saying and doing made impressions on our children. If you have children, I’m sure you have those embarrassing stories of them sharing things they heard that you were mortified to hear them share.
Years ago, I had a boss who was a skilled manipulator. She is very smart, and very ambitious, but not confident or comfortable in her skin. She treated me with incredible cruelty, figuring out my most sensitive anxieties and poking them regularly. It was a horrible 2+ years, but not just because of the abuse. I made it worse because I found I was behaving like she behaved, and I started to seriously dislike myself. She was modeling her abusive behavior, and I was picking it up like my children picked up MY cues.
It hadn’t occurred to me before that experience that even as adults, we’re constantly observing the people around us and picking up their subtle behavioral cues. Some with in intention – others… not so much.
When visiting a friend’s house last summer, I thanked her for hosting our small group of friends, and let her know how lovely the snacks looked on the serving plates.
“That’s something I picked up from you and Bob! Every time I come to your house, even unannounced, you have something nice to put out and you always offer me a drink shortly after I walk in the door. I love that, and realized I wanted people to feel at my house the way I feel when I’m at yours.”
Ah... My brain started to focus on what her compliment meant to me, beyond the honor of being emulated for something I love to do, and find great satisfaction in – hosting people. It took me a while to process what I heard, and to apply it to a bigger theory.
As I’ve said many times, in relation to customer service and personal brand, we are all ambassadors for our people. How we behave around others is watched, and though it’s not fair, our behavior is often associated with different aspects of our visible presence. At any given moment, I’m representing women, mothers, Montanans, Jews, and whatever else my appearance and speech may give away.
What I present to the world can have a positive or negative impact on others like me. There aren’t many Jewish people here in Montana, and I’ve heard more than once “you don’t LOOK Jewish” and “I met a Jewish guy once, he was such an asshole”, and my favorite - because it’s so absurd: “I LOVE Jewish people!”
Those interactions and how I handle them can be the difference between this person passing along their bias or bigotry – or not.
Another thing I’ve noticed that relates to this idea of being an ambassador:
We are role models for the people around us – and not just children.
People watch how we behave, and when they see something they like, they may internalize that behavior and emulate it. Sometimes it’s a subconscious response, like the way our facial expressions often mirror those of the person in front of us. And sometimes, like my friend who loved being hosted at my house emulating that at her house, it’s very intentional.
When I observe a particularly impressive handling of conflict by someone, I’ll process it for a little while to figure out if I can emulate that response. And when I had young children, I watched other mothers to see what worked, and what I definitely DID NOT want to emulate.
What we do, how we behave, matters.
If we want to see things change in the world, and I believe from the many rants and stories I read every day online that we do, we have to start with us.
As a public employee, I received many calls like this: “My neighbor wakes me up at 6am on Saturday by mowing his lawn! Isn’t there a noise ordinance?”
“Yes, there’s a noise ordinance, and from 6am – 11pm, the limit is 55 decibels. But rather than call the police to come measure the noise, have you considered approaching your neighbor and asking why he’s mowing at 6am? Maybe he has a good reason, and maybe you can find a solution together. I find that when I approach my neighbors with respect, and rather than complain, ask questions to share the responsibility to find a solution, they respond really well.”
People are afraid of conflict. They don’t want to approach a neighbor or stranger, so they escalate the issue by calling the city or the police. Or they complain online, spewing negative energy and making things worse. They’re modeling that behavior to a huge audience.
Most of these situations could easily be resolved if we approached them with consideration and an open mind. Model the behavior you want to see, and people will notice the success you have in certain situations. And maybe, just maybe, that will be the beginning of a trend where, instead of adding to the negative energy, we can be proactive in finding solutions.
It’s not about being a Pollyanna, seeing only the positive, or being Facebook fake by sharing only the good stuff. It’s about choosing the behavior you want to see in the world around you, and demonstrating it.
If you want to be around people who are respectful and kind, smart and ambitious, model those behaviors. (Especially around people who DO NOT demonstrate those things. When you behave the way they behave, you’re condoning their behavior.)
If you want people around you to introduce themselves when they walk in the door, with a firm handshake and clearly enunciating their name, model that.
If you want people to hold the door open for you when your hands are full, let you into traffic when the lane ends, or give you space when walking across the street, DO THOSE THINGS.
If you want to hear please and thank you from people, say please and thank you.
If you want to change the negative tendencies online, don’t post or share that energy. There are always people who will try to bate you into that negative space. Don’t let them.