Episode 148: Your Stories Don't Define You. How You Tell Them Will
This week’s episode of the podcast is a sneak peek of the audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will, to be released in mid-November. For a limited time, the ebook is just $0.99!
As a special bonus for listeners, the book will include two songs recorded by my band, Spare Change, in my living room in Montana. Keep an eye out for announcements through LinkedIn and via my Elkins Consulting Facebook & Instagram pages, or visit my website to learn more.
Sneak Peek of the Audiobook to be Released November 2020!
Hi, I’m Sarah Elkins, your host, and Chief Storymaker at Elkins Consulting.
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
This week’s episode of the podcast is a sneak peek of the audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will, to be released in mid-November. For a limited time, the ebook is just $0.99!
As a special bonus for listeners, the book will include two songs recorded by my band, Spare Change, in my living room in Montana. Keep an eye out for announcements through LinkedIn and via my Elkins Consulting Facebook & Instagram pages, or visit my website to learn more.
Episode 147: Every Person Has A Story to Tell if You Ask the Right Question
It was one of at least a dozen stories like it that my aunt, my father’s sister, told me when she visited. Each of her stories would start with something like “when we moved and needed to…, we met the nicest person!”
My uncle, who is far less exuberantly friendly, would shake his head, and with a small smile on his face he mumbled: “You always say that.”
How Stories Can Bring Out the Best in the People Around You
Everyone has a story, and I mean everyone.
Fran & Jeff at the Dearborn River, Scapegoat Wilderness Area, Montana, 2020
“When the guy came to deliver our new washer and dryer, he kept looking at me like he wanted to say something, like he knew me. Instead of just letting it go, I asked him if he grew up here, or if he was from somewhere else. Most people around this town aren’t from here. He said he was from northern Virginia, so I asked where he went to school. That’s when his eyes lit up: ‘You were my teacher! I knew you looked familiar but I couldn’t place you!’ I couldn’t believe it, I was so happy as a flood of memories came back to me. He was such a sweet kid, of course I remembered him. I said: 'Yes! Ryan! Now I recognize you, you’re not the little boy I taught anymore. How is your sister?'”
"We had a wonderful conversation and caught up. He told me about his sister, I remembered she was having some reading problems because of an eye condition, and then he told me the story of how he ended up here.”
It was one of at least a dozen stories like it that my aunt, my father’s sister, told me when she visited. Each of her stories would start with something like “when we moved and needed to…, we met the nicest person!”
My uncle, who is far less exuberantly friendly, would shake his head, and with a small smile on his face he mumbled: “You always say that.”
Fran & Jeff & Sarah, at the Dearborn River, Scapegoat Wilderness Area, Montana, 2020
Having my aunt around was a welcome reminder of my father. Until this visit, I never realized how similar they were, and now that my dad is gone, having her around gives me a sense of his presence and keeps his memory closer. It was an awesome visit, we took long hikes together, took time to explore this little town, and ate outside together, constantly sharing stories.
It wasn’t until after they left that I started to think about the way my aunt would tell a story of a contractor, delivery person, or someone else they met when they moved from Virginia to Arizona. My uncle was right, my aunt always had a story to share about the people she met, what they had in common, something interesting the person shared, the kindness they showed toward her and my uncle. Almost every story ended with “they were SO nice.”
It’s months later, and those stories are still with me. I realized that she almost always has these stories of people she meets when we have our marathon phone calls.
It’s not that she is a magnet for interesting, kind people, it’s because she is interested and kind that nearly everyone she meets demonstrates those qualities. People are interesting to her because she demonstrates curiosity and care when she asks questions. People are kind to her because of her kind, open nature. She expresses curiosity instead of judgment when someone does something she wouldn’t do, and when she tells these stories she tells them from a place of observation and thoughtfulness.
Our kitchen under construction. Yes, this is serious.
Our major kitchen remodel began a couple of months ago when I reached out to our local bank to ask about refinancing rates. I went straight to the broker who served us three years ago. I had done a little research to find out typical, current interest rates, but I didn’t bother applying through anyone else. We had a relationship. I knew I could trust her, that she would do her very best to get me the best rate, and that she would have everything in place for the closing, which means less stress for me and my husband. She has great stories to share about her son who is a musician, and the funny things that happened when she and her husband started a similar project.
The company I reached out to for the electrical work is owned by a couple I met while kayaking on the Missouri River. When I called, the woman I met was grateful that I remembered them, and though they’re swamped right now, like all the other good contractors around here, she said she would fit our project into the schedule.
The evening after I met the electrician they sent to do the work, I was telling my husband how kind he is, that he has a degree in something related to wildlife biology from the University of Montana, and that he spent the last many years living on an Indian reservation, where he went to become a certified electrician. I told my husband about his daughters and that he was thrilled to be invited to take a bagful of apples from our trees so he and his youngest could use their new dehydrator as an evening activity – quality time.
That evening as I spoke to my husband about the electrician and mentioned how kind and interesting he was, I saw the same small smile cross my husband’s face as I saw on my uncle’s face. He didn’t have to say anything. The smile said: “You always say that.”
Our kitchen, now with subfloor!
You won’t be surprised to hear that I’ve had many stories since then about the people working with me on this huge project. I’m acting as general contractor, and all of the service providers have had to be patient with me as I figure things out.
From the woman at the city who is handling the permit process, the plumber who showed up at very short notice to disconnect and cap the gas line to the stove so our movers could get it into the truck, the contractor designing and building the cabinets who made a gorgeous turned bowl from one of the 100 year old fir wood beams removed from our ceiling, to the movers and insulation teams who worked with us in those first two days of the project, every story begins or ends with “they were so interesting (or patient, or understanding) and kind!”
Every time I walk away from one of the people providing our services, I think: “I’m so lucky to be having these positive experiences. I know they’re all so busy and fitting us in despite their crazy schedules. We are behind schedule and have found some unexpected issues, and everyone has worked together to do their best to get us back into our kitchen.”
Last night as I finished getting ready for bed, I looked in the mirror and smiled when I saw my father and my aunt looking back at me. Everything suddenly made sense:
People are interesting when you ask the right questions. Every person has a story to tell, and when we listen – when we really listen, the best of who they are is revealed.
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Thanks for listening to this episode of Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will. The book of the same title is now available, and the audiobook version will be released in November, 2020.
If you’re ready to uncover your stories, and learn to uncover the stories of the people around you to create stronger connections and healthier communities, visit elkinsconsulting.com.
While you’re visiting the website, you can learn more about the book and the work we do to improve communication among teams and through our one-to-one coaching.
Episode 146: Transformation Requires a Retelling of Your Story
When we talked about "liminal space", I started to truly apply what I had learned from that article years before, clarity coming as a gift from Heather about liminal space and its relationship with transition and transformation.
Holding Space for Others Leaves More Room for You
I didn't realize until partway through our recording that it was Heather Plett's article about holding space that had caught - and kept - my attention for five years.
When I read the article, I remember sharing it widely and making great efforts to apply Heather's guiding principles to my conversations with our sons, my husband, and my coaching clients.
Heather sent me her book as a gift prior to our conversation, and as I read it I found myself nodding in agreement, immediately connecting dots around my work in communication coaching, and having enough "ah ha" moments about where I've fallen short in my efforts that it made my head spin.
I had to slow down and absorb, rather than rush through so I'd be prepared for our call.
As we talked through some of the parts of the book that really stood out as I read, it finally dawned on me that this was the author of that article I loved so much, and that had such an impact on me more than five years ago.
Heather shared some great moments on her journey so far, about the origins of her viral article, her thoughts about what "holding space" means now, after that phrase has become overused, and how she sees different layers in how we can listen more compassionately and deeply depending on what's being shared.
When we talked about "liminal space", I started to truly apply what I had learned from that article years before, clarity coming as a gift from Heather about liminal space and its relationship with transition and transformation.
The entire conversation was a gift to me, and hopefully a gift to listeners. You will want to get your hands on this book, The Art of Holding Space, a Practice of Love, Liberation, and Leadership.
Be sure to visit Heather's website to learn more about her work, and follow or connect with her on LinkedIn to see what she shares on that platform.
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Sarah Elkins loves to guide individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon.
The audiobook will be available on November 4, 2020, and includes two songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change! Visit her website for updates.
Episode 145: Vivid, Memorable Moments Hold Life's Pivotal Stories
As a child, Veronica Valadez thought that picking strawberries as a day laborer was fun, a time to run around the fields with her sister, throw overripe strawberries at each other, and sometimes pick enough strawberries to make some cash for school clothes.
The More Details You Remember of Your Story, the Better for Sharing
As a child, Veronica Valadez thought that picking strawberries as a day laborer was fun, a time to run around the fields with her sister, throw overripe strawberries at each other, and sometimes pick enough strawberries to make some cash for school clothes.
She would come home exhausted, covered in strawberry goo and mud, her tummy full of those sweet red berries. For her parents and older siblings, though, this was work - hard work - and they were being seriously exploited. She didn't realize that until far later in life.
It wasn't until she went to college that she started to understand her childhood from that perspective, and college was part of her life only because she had mentors that encouraged her to go. She was the first in her family to attend a four-year university, and to graduate with a degree.
Veronica's life has been all about self-discovery through her art, her activism, and in how she is raising her children.
During our conversation, Veronica spoke about the importance of her exposure to traditional Aztec dancers early in her college experience. Here’s an example for reference:
I enjoyed this conversation so much, and what really stood out to me was the moment Veronica described when she met her mentor and advocate for the first time.
Sarah Elkins loves to guide individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.
Episode 144: When You're a Filmmaker, Your Life is the Most Meaningful Story
Her first career dream was to become a dolphin trainer, and a few years after accomplishing that goal, she switched gears. Her next dream was to be a filmmaker, but in the first semester, just as she was getting started, she had an unwelcome surprise - a cancer diagnosis.
Joy Soto's Film Inspiration Came in the Start of Her Cancer Journey
Her first career dream was to become a dolphin trainer, and a few years after accomplishing that goal, she switched gears. Joy Soto’s next dream was to be a filmmaker, but in the first semester, just as she was getting started, she had an unwelcome surprise - a cancer diagnosis.
During episode of this podcast, with Rocky Connell, master baker, we agreed that whatever energy we put into something is the energy that comes out of it. We were referring to kneading dough and making bread, which makes a great analogy for everything else in life.
In Joy's case, she put her energy into documenting her cancer journey in a film. Just One Year: A Story of Triumph Over Cancer is the result of filming and documenting every step of that journey, from diagnosis to the final treatment. And it wasn't just her story, she involved others who were having similar experiences.
During our conversation, she spoke about a younger cancer victim who became a dear friend as they went through treatment together. That young girl wasn't successful in her battle, but her memory is the inspiration for a program Joy started, bringing young cancer victims to swim with dolphins.
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From her TEDx: Joy Clausen Soto is a cancer survivor, documentary filmmaker and public speaker. Diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma at the age of 25 years, she was forced to drop out of film school. Joy survived and decided to film a documentary on her ordeal. The film has been viewed at film festivals and has won several awards. Her story has likewise been featured in many media organizations, including ABC, NBC, and KPBS.
Visit her website to learn more about her.
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Sarah Elkins loves to guide individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.
Episode 143: "Listen Closely": A Film About the Greatest Demonstration of Love
When I saw the trailer for her movie, Listen Closely, I had to reach out to speak with her. Alana started her young adult years as a Can Can dancer in the Dawson City in the Yukon Territory, northern Canada. She stayed there for three months, and came back for four seasons. After her first summer there, she realized she was in love with the north and ended up living in a trailer with an outhouse one of those seasons.
Stories of How Listening Can Change Lives
Resilience isn't something you can learn without practice, and Alana Sheeren has had plenty of practice.
When I saw the trailer for her movie, Listen Closely, I had to reach out to speak with her. Alana started her young adult years as a Can Can dancer in the Dawson City in the Yukon Territory, northern Canada. She stayed there for three months, and came back for four seasons. After her first summer there, she realized she was in love with the north and ended up living in a trailer with an outhouse one of those seasons.
Looking back now, Alana realized that spending so much time alone in nature really changed her. She spent time contemplating, peacefully meditating without even knowing that's what she was doing.
This part of her life truly provided a backdrop for her passion project, and for her love for being alone without feeling lonely.
Listen Closely is a product of grief and love, and the stories of its creation and production will leave you wanting to learn more.
In our call, Alana referred to the Prison of Peace program, as well as Ram Dass and Daniel Siegel.
Now that you're curious, listen in, and be sure to watch Alana's TEDx and the trailer for Listen Closely.
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Alana Sheeren is a multi-passionate creative who shows up in all her work with the aim of making the world a kinder, more compassionate place. Whether from the TEDx stage, as host of the Create Your Magical Life podcast or in her work with clients, she combines her training as a therapist and her intuitive abilities with a deep understanding of the human condition to help people create profound and lasting change in their lives. Currently she is directing and producing her first documentary film, Listen Closely, which examines the way the quality of your listening affects the quality of your life and features thought leaders such as Ram Dass, Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, and Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks.
When she’s not working you can find her taking pictures of Southern California sunsets, reading a good book or dancing in the kitchen with her husband and daughter.
Learn more at ListenCloselyFilm.com and AlanaSheeren.com or find her on Facebook (personal & film) and Instagram
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Sarah Elkins loves to guide individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.
Episode 142: Growing Up "In Between": Two Cultures, Two Ethnicities
In this conversation, Angie shared how being raised in a family where racism was subtle but cruel made her more resilient. Her mother is Thai and met her father when he was serving during the Vietnam war. Her mother moved to Appalachia with her new husband when she was around 19 and slowly tried to fit herself into a very small, very white, very conservative town and family.
Stories of Family Racism and its Impact on Resilience
Angie Gallagher lived between two worlds. As a child of an immigrant mother and a white American father, her life was filled with questions and contradictions.
In this conversation, Angie shared how being raised in a family where racism was subtle but cruel made her more resilient. Her mother is Thai and met her father when he was serving during the Vietnam war. Her mother moved to Appalachia with her new husband when she was around 19 and slowly tried to fit herself into a very small, very white, very conservative town and family.
Angie and her sister watched their mother's journey, and each of them was impacted differently in their perceptions of themselves and the world around them.
Angie credits her resilience, persistence, and sense of adaptability and positivity to a pivot point in her life when she intentionally chose that path.
She studied this "in-between" idea of growing up in between cultures and ethnicities for her master's thesis. A highlight of this conversation for me was when she spoke about the action of moving from rumination to result, her realization that deep thinking can only go so far before it causes more harm than good, and that we must move into action mode at some point.
Angie spoke briefly about two films, the Celluloid Closet, and Tough Guise, and also mentioned the work of Jack Kornfield.
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Angie currently works at BurstIQ. Be sure to connect with her on LinkedIn, and you can follow her fantastic photos on Instagram.
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Sarah Elkins loves to guide individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.