Episode 164: Why I Added #Pronouns to My LinkedIn Profile Name
I added the pronouns (she, her) to my profile name on LinkedIn a couple of weeks ago, and left a comment on a friend's post shortly afterward.
That was the first time my name came up with the pronouns, and someone I love promptly responded with "lose the pronouns" in his response to my comment.
I was annoyed, why would he care what my title says? It felt insulting, critical, like a condescending comment you'd expect from your older brother when you were teenagers. I was being judged.
A Story of Being Intentional About Signals
Quote from podcast episode 164
I added the pronouns (she, her) to my profile name on LinkedIn a couple of weeks ago, and left a comment on a friend's post shortly afterward.
That was the first time my name came up with the pronouns, and someone I love promptly responded with "lose the pronouns" in his response to my comment.
I was annoyed, why would he care what my title says? It felt insulting, critical, like a condescending comment you'd expect from your older brother when you were teenagers. I was being judged.
Sometimes those things that trigger us are important cues for room for self-reflection and personal growth, right? This was one of those triggers.
Now I have nothing but appreciation for that snide remark.
Mt Helena, Helena, Montana February 2021
As I took my walk on the mountain behind my house later that day, I thought more about his comment. It was really bothering me and I couldn’t pinpoint why I was feeling triggered and defensive.
Then it dawned on me, it was the same feeling I had as a teenager and young adult when my brother or sister would give me a hard time about something I said or did. It was the feeling of self-consciousness about not actually thinking through what I said or did, though they could have presented it more gently, there was merit to the criticism. That never feels good.
In this case, I was feeling self-conscious because I hadn't truly considered why I added the pronouns. So there was some merit to my friend’s critical comment. I realized how important it was for me to have clarity around the action of adding pronouns. Otherwise, it’s meaningless. My friends and connections know how much the word intention fills my world… I had done something without fully considering the intention behind it.
The evening before I added pronouns I participated in a webinar "The 5 Languages of Appreciation at Work" hosted by my dear friend Amy Ashworth (who nailed it, by the way.)
In the beginning of the webinar, one participant said that in other small, interactive webinars he attended, guests introduced themselves and added their pronouns to their name. That made sense to me, so I changed my name in Zoom to include my pronouns. I added them in LinkedIn at the same time, to be consistent.
The lightbulb went on in my brain as my heart rate went up, climbing a steep part of the mountain. (That's generally where I find my most meaningful ideas and inspirations.)
I had a vivid memory from just over five years ago: I was looking through my LinkedIn connections and realized the majority of them looked like me. Then I took a hard look at my connections on Facebook and locally, right here in my close community. Again, I was struck by the homogeny of what I was seeing.
Startled and disappointed, I began the work of intentionally broadening my network across political, ethnic, religious, gender identity, sexual preference, and all other communities that have significantly different life experiences from mine. Through a combination of curiosity and intention, I started to build a community that was far more diverse, not for the sake of diversity, but for the sake of inclusion, personal growth, and yes, love. I love people, even the ones I don’t like very much. And when I became aware of my limited circle of friends and acquaintances, I felt like a fraud. It seemed hypocritical for me to share my thoughts about love, justice, community, and communication, given my limited exposure to people who think and look and have experiences that are significantly different from mine.
In these past 5 years, my world has expanded and my feelings of connection have deepened. It hasn't always been easy, especially given the polarization of communities over the past 4 years. I've had to listen carefully, consider how my world view and experiences have created my biases and filters, and have experienced gentle and not-so-gentle correction for stepping in it with people I care deeply about.
Our micro-aggressions run deep, that's why they can be so hard for us to see, and why it hurts when someone points it out.
I’ve continued to practice my own gentle corrections when I’ve experienced bias, whether as a woman, a Jew, a mother, an American, and one time – as a Jewish woman living in Montana.
(My go-to demonstration of a micro-aggression is when a bartender said to me a few years ago: "You look really good for 40!" after asking to see my ID. I gently corrected him. "No need to qualify that compliment. Just tell me I look good.")
So why did I suddenly add pronouns?
I hadn't added pronouns before because I have a feminine name, and believe it's obvious that I identify as a woman. It didn’t seem necessary.
When our older son was the only Jewish kid in his class in kindergarten, and the teacher offered to let him put a birds nest on the top of his Christmas Tree calendar instead of a star. That way he could call it a Winter Tree instead.
When I added pronouns it wasn't for me. It isn't about me.
It’s about normalizing something for those who feel marginalized by having to point it out.
That was it. My "ah ha" moment on the mountain.
Adding pronouns was a simple and effective indication to my network that my world is broadening. Because what we share about ourselves, images, words, stories, and yes, pronouns, are all signals for the people around us.
I’m indicating that my love and care for people isn't despite their differences, but because of them.
Our differences aren't something to be tolerated, they're something to explore, to value, and to celebrate.
Sarah and chocolate lab, Toby, snow, Mt Helena, Helena, Montana
ABOUT SARAH:
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 163: Life Will Blindside You, Sometimes Literally
Some of us make plans for the future, some simply let each day define and shape the next. I don't think any of us anticipate every potential scenario of change, transformation, or trauma. Even the most morbid or realistic of us cannot predict or prepare for the reality of tomorrow.
That's what Maria Johnson realized as she received the diagnosis of a rare disease that was quickly denying her the ability to see. She had been concerned about her eyesight, went for dozens of tests as she realized it was getting worse. It wasn't until 7 months after she went for her first doctor visit, and only one month prior to completely losing her vision and becoming legally blind, that she finally received her diagnosis. And there was nothing to be done. No cure. No treatment.
A Story of Becoming Blind at 50
Some of us make plans for the future, some simply let each day define and shape the next. I don't think any of us anticipate every potential scenario of change, transformation, or trauma. Even the most morbid or realistic of us cannot predict or prepare for the reality of tomorrow.
That's what Maria Johnson realized as she received the diagnosis of a rare disease that was quickly denying her the ability to see. She had been concerned about her eyesight, went for dozens of tests as she realized it was getting worse. It wasn't until 7 months after she went for her first doctor visit, and only one month prior to completely losing her vision and becoming legally blind, that she finally received her diagnosis. And there was nothing to be done. No cure. No treatment.
For a long time she held out hope that she would be the exception. That her vision would return if she just believed, worked hard enough, was lucky.
Her doctor finally had the most painful conversation with her. He told her it was time to grieve her loss of vision. It wasn't coming back. It was time to consider the reality of the situation, grieve, and move on.
Maria shared the story of trying to shop for a prom dress with her daughter, the painful and beautiful way she found her own ability, despite the limitations of her disability, to participate in a meaningful way, with the help of her son and a large format iPad.
When you listen to Maria speak about her experience, you'll hear the unresolved questions of why, and you'll also hear her resolve to make her life, and the lives of those around her, a different kind of normal, an extraordinary normal, if that's a thing.
I know, it doesn't make sense, and none of it does. Something so tragic in a person's life can go so many different ways. Maria could have fallen into despair, she could have lived as a "poor me" and no one would fault her for it.
Or she could have taken the path of least resistance and simply made her way through life with the skills she had, the people she had in her life, and been, well, mediocre.
She didn't do any of that. She started a blog to share her experiences, to guide others with loss of vision, and to bring some comfort to the support network of those people, to share what their friends and family needed when they lost their vision.
She grew, transformed, and found her way toward growing new dreams, new goals. You might just be surprised what someone like Maria can do.
To learn more about her, visit her website, and follow her on LinkedIn and Facebook.
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ABOUT SARAH:
Purchase the audiobook here.
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically
with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 162: When Your World Crashes Down, You Rebuild by Helping Others
Charles Clark's mother wanted to fix it. She was desperate to see her son climb back up from the deep, deep hole she was watching him experience. Seeing someone we love in despair is likely the most painful grief.
"What can I do, Charles. How can I help you?"
"No mom, this is something I have to do myself."
When I heard this story, my eyes filled with tears. All I could think about was his mother's pain and pride in that moment. The pain of helplessness and the pride in hearing those words.
For An Athlete, An Injury Can Put Your Identity and Your Story to the Test
Charles Clark's mother wanted to fix it. She was desperate to see her son climb back up from the deep, deep hole she was watching him experience. Seeing someone we love in despair is likely the most painful grief.
"What can I do, Charles. How can I help you?"
"No mom, this is something I have to do myself."
When I heard this story, my eyes filled with tears. All I could think about was his mother's pain and pride in that moment. The pain of helplessness and the pride in hearing those words.
That wasn't the only story Charles shared in this episode that brought tears to my eyes, and we laughed, too. This was an hour of incredible story sharing, I think I experienced every emotion as this masterful storyteller opened his world for me to experience with him.
If you haven't heard of Charles Clark, the former World-Class American sprinter, now inspirational speaker, you'll be so glad to meet him through this episode of Your Stories Don't Define You.
And if you did know a little about him, you might just become an even bigger fan after listening in to our conversation.
Connect with Charles on LinkedIn, visit his website, and be sure to follow him on Facebook (that's where I discovered this amazing guy) and Instagram!
Charles Clark, the creator of the Thrive Planner and the Thrive Tribe Podcast, is an expert in habit improvement, discovering purpose, vision creating and goal setting. After he became the 6th fastest man in the world, a devastating injury left him searching for his identity. Charles developed techniques that brought clarity to his life’s purpose while establishing massive confidence.
Charles’ modern transformation strategies, empowering presentations, and high-performance mindset hacks have made him a sought-after speaker and coach for leading organizations like Dick’s Sporting Goods, Nike, Raymond James Financial, Frontier Communications, iHeart Radio, US Army, and FSU.
About Sarah:
Purchase the audiobook here.
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically
with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 161: "Tell Them Your Story" Words That Transform
For JD Gerschbein, it was the combination of his experience in healing, as a child of a physician and as a medical student, and the desire to provide practical guidance for people to improve their potential in career and life that brought him to his moment.
"JD, I know you'll share useful information about LinkedIn for this audience... Share your story. Tell them what brought you here."
"Tell them your story."
JD Gershbein's Professional Brand Was Born That Day
What is it that triggers an "ah ha" moment, what is it that takes a moment from obscurity to clarity?
For JD Gershbein, it was the combination of his experience in healing, as a child of a physician and as a medical student, and the desire to provide practical guidance for people to improve their potential in career and life that brought him to his moment.
"JD, I know you'll share useful information about LinkedIn for this audience... Share your story. Tell them what brought you here."
"Tell them your story."
That moment was pivotal for JD, and he shared the story about the comment from the event coordinator and how that shifted his entire perspective about being a speaker, consultant, and all around more effective communicator.
What I loved about this conversation was the practical application of focusing on stories as a connection point, and as an opportunity to find clarity in your work.
The time flew by as we recorded, and I hope you find it as inspiring as I did.
About Sarah:
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Episode 160: When You Feel Honored to Do the Work You Do
This woman is absolutely compelled to improve life for people she encounters. She sees the best in people, and has a beautiful way of bringing out the most endearing qualities. At the same time, she doesn't hesitate to let them know when they're getting in their own way.
Her number one talent in the StrengthsFinder assessment is Includer, which means that she is compelled to include others, and to be included herself. Sarah is the kind of woman who walks into a roomful of people and has a sixth sense in finding the most uncomfortable person, knowing exactly what to say to make them more comfortable, and nurturing that comfort to the point of that person actually enjoying themselves.
Life Just Makes More Sense When Your Work Lights You Up
Image of Sarah Johnston for podcast cover art.
Have you ever interviewed or been interviewed by someone with your name? Boy can that feel strange and awkward.
This conversation with Sarah Johnston was anything but awkward. She dropped some insights here that kept my brain in gear and spinning for days afterward.
This woman is absolutely compelled to improve life for people she encounters. She sees the best in people, and has a beautiful way of bringing out the most endearing qualities. At the same time, she doesn't hesitate to let them know when they're getting in their own way.
Her number one talent in the StrengthsFinder assessment is Includer, which means that she is compelled to include others, and to be included herself. Sarah is the kind of woman who walks into a roomful of people and has a sixth sense in finding the most uncomfortable person, knowing exactly what to say to make them more comfortable, and nurturing that comfort to the point of that person actually enjoying themselves.
When Sarah works with a client, she listens with an intensity to hear what is not being said. Her story about the medical student who had given up on applying for a residency, and instead decided to focus on applying to be a medical technician or physician's assistant provides a crystal clear image of what she hears and how she compassionately presents her thoughts to others.
Sarah's work most definitely has huge impact on individual job seekers, but the true gift in her work is the ripple effect it has. For a person who has been out of work or under employed for a significant length of time, simply getting an interview can create a positive shift in mindset. Getting a job means a huge impact on that person's family and friends, and can shift the lives of others through the decisions to pay it forward.
The way that Sarah transitioned between jobs, and then into her own business is inspiring.
*Correction at approximately 20 minutes, I referred to Heather Younger's book, The Art of Caring Leadership, which will be released in Spring, 2021, but her first book is, The 7 Intuitive Laws of Employee Loyalty, and was published in 2017. Listen to her podcast here.
Episode 159: Her Stories, Her Hustle, Her Community
I met Michelle Y. Talbert via LinkedIn years ago, when I was first building my network. I was intrigued by her podcast Her Power Hustle, and was immediately inspired by her honesty and integrity in the work she did.
Your Stories Aren't Always About You. Meaningful Stories Belong to the Community You Create.
I met Michelle Y. Talbert via LinkedIn years ago, when I was first building my network. I was intrigued by her podcast Her Power Hustle, and was immediately inspired by her honesty and integrity in the work she did.
We reconnected in late 2020 and when I asked her to be a guest on my podcast, I was honored when she accepted the invitation.
Michelle has career stories that surprise and inspire, her passion and motivation to create a professional network full of encouraging business and people-builders is infectious, and her resilience and focus on her sense of responsibility to her community is extraordinary.
Connect with Michelle on LinkedIn, and be sure to follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Episode 158: Happy New Year Every Day, Because Every Day is an Opportunity
My plan, in case you want to know, is to keep taking things one day at a time, to mostly ignore the news because nothing said there is going to change my behavior in any way, and continue to make an effort every day to live in alignment with who I believe I can be.
I'll fail sometimes. The judge-y internal voice will pop up and I'll have to address it. I'll step in it with people I love and respect because of obliviousness and self-absorption, and I'll eat potato chips when I know a better option is out there.
Our Most Meaningful Stories Prepare Us for Our Most Pivotal Moments
We know instinctively that nothing significantly changes overnight based on an arbitrary calendar date. And yet, we still find a way to optimistically celebrate December 31st and January 1st as if something magical will happen and we’ll wake up with:
A different news feed
The motivation to change our eating habits
The inspiration to create and stick with a new routine that includes daily exercise
The flexibility and ambition to change our careers and businesses.
All without having to wade through the tough stuff. Like magic. Poof!
The new year is a great time to reflect on life, though I love to do that more often than once a year. As a matter of fact, I much prefer to take the week of my birthday to do my deeper soul-searching. That date seems far less arbitrary to me.
When I think about my most pivotal moments in life, the birth of our boys, the death of my dad, leaving my last job to be self-employed, the major conflicts in my life that lead to big changes in my self-perception and confidence, I realize none of those happened suddenly. Sure there was the moment Jacob arrived, at 8:09pm on a cold day in October, but I had 40+ weeks of gradual preparation for that moment.
There are very few true “lightbulb” moments, you know, the kind that suddenly illuminate.
The majority of our “lightbulb” moments aren’t actually that – they’re on a dimmer switch, and it happens to be that a moment in time is captured as being the one when the light came on – fully bright and sparkling.
When we collect our most meaningful moments as stories, we can see the patterns that created our pathways. We can begin to connect the dots of our journey and better understand that nothing happened suddenly, there were always cues and clues that brought us to that moment.
Why does that matter? Because when we connect those dots from the past, we can make far more intentional decisions for the future. Plus, we gain some clarity around what truly makes us happy and satisfied so we can set our sight on something that makes sense.
On my annual New Year’s Day hike this year with a group of fabulous women, one of them asked me about my work. I told her this:
It’s amazing, really. I use the StrengthsFinder assessment in my coaching for individuals and teams, and I’m about to start a three-session program with a small group. Last week I reviewed each of their strengths – remember, I’ve never met these people and have had only limited conversations with them! – and went to a local store to pick a special gift for each of them, based on their assessment results.
I do this regularly for my clients because I love to know just enough about people to be able to pick a perfect gift for them. This is my way of making sure they know I SEE them, I GET them, and I value their natural talents.
It’s like magic, Wendy. When I truly see my clients, I can immediately acknowledge what they’re really good at, what makes them special, and I can see what their blind spots are likely to be.
She was grinning as I spoke, nodding her head as she listened, because she loves her job, too, and she understood and could relate to the joy I was expressing.
I said: “It took me nearly 50 years to find my sweet spot, to truly use my talents in this way.”
On my walk on the mountain with my dog today, January 2nd, I couldn’t help but think about the strange phenomenon of denial, that we can fool ourselves into optimism that things will change overnight each year.
It’s not a bad thing to be optimistic like that unless we become filled with disappointment when we wake up to the same situation we fell asleep with.
This holiday doesn't have special meaning to me, usually just an excuse to have a party, prepare and eat splurge foods, and for the past couple of years, perform at a fun venue in fancy dress.
Nothing actually changes between December 31st and January 1st, it's an arbitrary boundary to make sense of our days, to create a linear, organized way of acknowledging the passing of time.
If you're expecting to wake up tomorrow with an entirely different news feed, you're going to be seriously disappointed.
My plan, in case you want to know, is to keep taking things one day at a time, to mostly ignore the news because nothing said there is going to change my behavior in any way, and continue to make an effort every day to live in alignment with who I believe I can be.
I'll fail sometimes. The judge-y internal voice will pop up and I'll have to address it. I'll step in it with people I love and respect because of obliviousness and self-absorption, and I'll eat potato chips when I know a better option is out there.
Every day is an opportunity to do it right. To apologize, to take correction with grace and curiosity, to learn, and to make plans for travel and adventure, knowing nothing is certain and that those plans are likely to be adjusted.
I’ll continue to let go of unhealthy relationships that don’t inspire and encourage me, and will continue to fill my life with people who, when I tell them I have a crazy idea, say: “Awesome, Sarah, what can I do to help?”
I wish you a happy new year every single day, because every day you have choices to make that will impact the next... and the next... and the next. Don't wait for a special occasion.
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About Sarah:
Audiobook now available!
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Click here to buy the book!
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.