362 Stories Influence Our Identity and Personal Narrative
As we close the chapter on 2024 and begin to start anew in 2025, it’s time that we take a step back to reflect on the narratives and stories that we have been harboring. We must take it upon ourselves to determine if these stories still serve us or if it is time to let those stories stay a product of their time and remain in the past so that we can create new stories that reflect us who we are now.
In today’s monologue Sarah Elkins ruminates on the effect the story The Giving Tree had on her as both a child and a mother, and how it has inspired her to reflect on other stories that no longer serve her.
362 Stories Influence Our Identity and Personal Narrative
As we close the chapter on 2024 and begin to start anew in 2025, it’s time that we take a step back to reflect on the narratives and stories that we have been harboring. We must take it upon ourselves to determine if these stories still serve us or if it is time to let those stories stay a product of their time and remain in the past so that we can create new stories that reflect us who we are now.
In today’s monologue Sarah Elkins ruminates on the effect the story The Giving Tree had on her as both a child and a mother, and how it has inspired her to reflect on other stories that no longer serve her.
Highlights
What stories are you telling yourself that do not stand the test of time?
How do the stories you’ve heard influence you and the relationships with the people around you.
It’s not too late to change the ending of your story. Will you choose a kinder conclusion or will you choose the option that gives you peace?
Quotes
“Think about the stories that you read to your children in the hopes that they’ll absorb some morality lessons; Like Aesop’s Fables, maybe stories from the bible, or maybe books from your culture or religion. We can’t expect children to absorb those lessons but ignore the ones in Cinderella and The Giving Tree. It doesn’t work like that, literature is Literature.”
“As we head into the new year it’s a really good time to consider our impact on the people and environment around us, and to make an effort to be more intentional about that impact.”
Dear Listeners it is now your turn,
I challenge you to take inventory of a few things; before you make any new years resolutions, before you pick a word of the year, or as you consider your goals for personal growth in 2025, ask yourself these questions. What influenced my identity as a child or young adult that maybe it’s time to review and consider whether they still resonate and why? What stories have I been told about myself as a child that no longer align with who I am or how I want to experience myself moving forward? And what evidence can I point to, recent stories, that contradict those childhood labels that no longer fit? Lastly, what stories am I continuing to share about other people; my children, my friends, my family, and others in my community and at work, that might be contributing to negativity and division?
And, as always, thank you for listening.
About Sarah
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Be sure to check out the Storytelling For Professionals Course as well to make sure you nail that next interview!
Episode 158: Happy New Year Every Day, Because Every Day is an Opportunity
My plan, in case you want to know, is to keep taking things one day at a time, to mostly ignore the news because nothing said there is going to change my behavior in any way, and continue to make an effort every day to live in alignment with who I believe I can be.
I'll fail sometimes. The judge-y internal voice will pop up and I'll have to address it. I'll step in it with people I love and respect because of obliviousness and self-absorption, and I'll eat potato chips when I know a better option is out there.
Our Most Meaningful Stories Prepare Us for Our Most Pivotal Moments
We know instinctively that nothing significantly changes overnight based on an arbitrary calendar date. And yet, we still find a way to optimistically celebrate December 31st and January 1st as if something magical will happen and we’ll wake up with:
A different news feed
The motivation to change our eating habits
The inspiration to create and stick with a new routine that includes daily exercise
The flexibility and ambition to change our careers and businesses.
All without having to wade through the tough stuff. Like magic. Poof!
The new year is a great time to reflect on life, though I love to do that more often than once a year. As a matter of fact, I much prefer to take the week of my birthday to do my deeper soul-searching. That date seems far less arbitrary to me.
When I think about my most pivotal moments in life, the birth of our boys, the death of my dad, leaving my last job to be self-employed, the major conflicts in my life that lead to big changes in my self-perception and confidence, I realize none of those happened suddenly. Sure there was the moment Jacob arrived, at 8:09pm on a cold day in October, but I had 40+ weeks of gradual preparation for that moment.
There are very few true “lightbulb” moments, you know, the kind that suddenly illuminate.
The majority of our “lightbulb” moments aren’t actually that – they’re on a dimmer switch, and it happens to be that a moment in time is captured as being the one when the light came on – fully bright and sparkling.
When we collect our most meaningful moments as stories, we can see the patterns that created our pathways. We can begin to connect the dots of our journey and better understand that nothing happened suddenly, there were always cues and clues that brought us to that moment.
Why does that matter? Because when we connect those dots from the past, we can make far more intentional decisions for the future. Plus, we gain some clarity around what truly makes us happy and satisfied so we can set our sight on something that makes sense.
On my annual New Year’s Day hike this year with a group of fabulous women, one of them asked me about my work. I told her this:
It’s amazing, really. I use the StrengthsFinder assessment in my coaching for individuals and teams, and I’m about to start a three-session program with a small group. Last week I reviewed each of their strengths – remember, I’ve never met these people and have had only limited conversations with them! – and went to a local store to pick a special gift for each of them, based on their assessment results.
I do this regularly for my clients because I love to know just enough about people to be able to pick a perfect gift for them. This is my way of making sure they know I SEE them, I GET them, and I value their natural talents.
It’s like magic, Wendy. When I truly see my clients, I can immediately acknowledge what they’re really good at, what makes them special, and I can see what their blind spots are likely to be.
She was grinning as I spoke, nodding her head as she listened, because she loves her job, too, and she understood and could relate to the joy I was expressing.
I said: “It took me nearly 50 years to find my sweet spot, to truly use my talents in this way.”
On my walk on the mountain with my dog today, January 2nd, I couldn’t help but think about the strange phenomenon of denial, that we can fool ourselves into optimism that things will change overnight each year.
It’s not a bad thing to be optimistic like that unless we become filled with disappointment when we wake up to the same situation we fell asleep with.
This holiday doesn't have special meaning to me, usually just an excuse to have a party, prepare and eat splurge foods, and for the past couple of years, perform at a fun venue in fancy dress.
Nothing actually changes between December 31st and January 1st, it's an arbitrary boundary to make sense of our days, to create a linear, organized way of acknowledging the passing of time.
If you're expecting to wake up tomorrow with an entirely different news feed, you're going to be seriously disappointed.
My plan, in case you want to know, is to keep taking things one day at a time, to mostly ignore the news because nothing said there is going to change my behavior in any way, and continue to make an effort every day to live in alignment with who I believe I can be.
I'll fail sometimes. The judge-y internal voice will pop up and I'll have to address it. I'll step in it with people I love and respect because of obliviousness and self-absorption, and I'll eat potato chips when I know a better option is out there.
Every day is an opportunity to do it right. To apologize, to take correction with grace and curiosity, to learn, and to make plans for travel and adventure, knowing nothing is certain and that those plans are likely to be adjusted.
I’ll continue to let go of unhealthy relationships that don’t inspire and encourage me, and will continue to fill my life with people who, when I tell them I have a crazy idea, say: “Awesome, Sarah, what can I do to help?”
I wish you a happy new year every single day, because every day you have choices to make that will impact the next... and the next... and the next. Don't wait for a special occasion.
---
About Sarah:
Audiobook now available!
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Click here to buy the book!
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.