430: Every Emotion Comes from Needs, Met and Unmet - featuring Morgane Borzée
"... we talk about feelings, but... At the end, every feeling has an underlying need. If it's a pleasant feeling, it's a met need. If it's an unpleasant feeling, it's an unmet need. And needs drive our behavior."
This conversation with Morgane Borzée filled in so many gaps in my understanding of what I've heard referred to as trauma-informed coaching, teaching, and counseling.
I thought I understood the connection between emotional intelligence and behavior, but I was missing a key component:
"... we talk about feelings, but... At the end, every feeling has an underlying need. If it's a pleasant feeling, it's a met need. If it's an unpleasant feeling, it's an unmet need. And needs drive our behavior."
This conversation with Morgane Borzée filled in so many gaps in my understanding of what I've heard referred to as trauma-informed coaching, teaching, and counseling.
If you're anything like me, you associated the word trauma with something dramatic, like abuse or neglect, death, major accidents, war, natural disasters, etc. Many of us don't feel comfortable using the word trauma to describe experiences in our lives that don't seem to compare with what we know others have experienced.
But trauma in childhood can be something as innocuous as an underlying current of the repression of anger, financial stress and anxiety, sibling rivalry. And each person experiences it differently. Ask your siblings or cousins about growing up and they'll remember completely different episodes as traumatic - or not.
Morgane suffered from severe anxiety as a young adult, and was referred to a therapist that she didn't realize was a trauma specialist. She thought she might be in the wrong place until she heard from the therapist that her anxiety might be coming from repression of anger. And she might be repressing anger because that's how she responded to her fear of the anger she saw expressed in her childhood home, among her family.
"... for years, I was shortcutting anger with anxiety. So whenever a situation would make me angry, I didn't feel angry, I felt anxious."
Her experience with the therapist not only gave her the tools she needed to start truly addressing the anxiety at that deeper level. It gave her the inspiration she then used to create an incredible platform to make what she was learning more accessible and approachable for others.
She took what she learned in academic, research-based, deeply intellectual settings, and translated into everyday language and characters that the rest of us can apply, learn from, and make real change in our lives and those of the people we influence.
Highlights
The word trauma feels big, feels significant, and it is, but it's also relative. Each person experiences it differently.
Needs met and unmet are what drive our emotions and behavior.
Listeners, now it's your turn. During our call, I started writing notes about my own needs and how they affect my behavior when they're not met: My need for respect and how that might show up in emotional responses and anger.
What are yours?
A need for basic food staples in your house? If somebody gets upset when you run out of peanut butter or eggs, it may be a need in terms of food security that wasn't. What is a pattern of conflict or frustration that you've experienced yourself or experienced with somebody else that might be related to this issue? When your needs are met, you have a particular emotional response, and when they're not met, you have another emotional response. I'm curious to hear what came up for you, what patterns you've uncovered, and maybe what you're going to do about it.
From Morgane:
I’m the founder of Equanima. I created it after years of struggling with anxiety and realizing how powerful emotional intelligence can be when you actually understand what’s happening inside you.
As a designer, I saw a gap between complex psychological concepts and what people can realistically use in daily life. Equanima exists to bridge that gap by turning emotional intelligence into clear, practical, and visual tools that help people understand their patterns, regulate under pressure, and live more aligned lives.
Visit my website to learn more, and be sure to connect and/or follow me on LinkedIn and Instagram.
About Sarah
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
429 Lynn Harris - Comedy, Creativity, and Community
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins and Lynn Harris discuss the importance of comedy and creativity in the heart and soul of a community and how overcoming the doubts and assumptions of others can not only strengthen yourself but as well as the people around you.
429 Lynn Harris - Comedy, Creativity, and Community
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins and Lynn Harris discuss the importance of comedy and creativity in the heart and soul of a community and how overcoming the doubts and assumptions of others can not only strengthen yourself but as well as the people around you.
Highlights
How we defy the expectations and assumptions of others.
If we can’t talk about a problem we can’t even begin to fix it.
The power of community and contributing to it and encouraging others to contribute.
Quotes
“As with all industries and all context; Girls would have to work twice as hard to get half the applause and half the credit.”
“That’s something we’ve learned about community, is that it’s not just us. It’s -especially a creative community of any kind- there’s skill building you can kind of do on your own, and some cases not all, but then what do you do with those skills? Making stuff in other words. So we really encourage our members to actually make things and actually do the thing and do the thing together.”
Dear Listeners it is now your turn,
What I love about this conversation is that accessibility to humor, and we all need this probably now more than ever in our lifetime. We need to find humor, we need to laugh together, and it is one thing that can connect us very similar to music and story. And I can tell you that in just a recent experience where I was talking to somebody on the opposite side of the political spectrum to me, I was reading a book by John Scalzi; When The Moon Hits Your Eye, and I asked him if I could read out loud that had made me laugh so hard I was almost crying, and it was one way that I connected with this person next to me. So I’m asking you listeners, what will you do to find humor today?
And, as always, thank you for listening.
About Lynn
Lynn Harris is a culture-shifting producer, award-winning journalist, and author/co-author of six books. Her comedy and campaigns for social justice and gender equity have changed laws and conversations from Capitol Hill to NASCAR. She is founder and CEO of GOLD Comedy—the comedy school, professional network, and content studio where women and non-binary creators grow their comedy careers, build powerful communities, and make funny stuff. Harris co-created Breakup Girl (acquired by Oxygen), one of the first multiplatform internet success stories, and co-hosted, with Ginna Green, The Forward’s A Bintel Brief: The Podcast. Lynn served as the first VP of communications at global human rights group Breakthrough, where her blend of humor and advocacy powered some of the team’s most effective U.S. campaigns. She has also worked as a Tonya Harding lookalike, which is a long story.
GOLD Comedy is the online comedy school, professional network, and content studio where women, non-binary creators, and other “others" build their comedy careers, join a powerful community, and make funny stuff that gets seen on all kinds of stages and screens. Unlimited classes, community, shows, and more, all online. Join from anywhere, anytime!
Be sure to check out Lynn’s Facebook, her personal Instagram as well as Gold Comedy’s Instagram, and LinkedIn! As well as Gold Comedy and Gold Comedy Club!
About Sarah
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
428 Building Bridges Through Kindness and Compassion
In being human we are able to connect more authentically with people not just in the workplace but in everyday life, by allowing them to see us for who we truly are and what we are capable of.
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins and Neal Foard discuss the importance of compassion and connection.
428 Building Bridges Through Kindness and Compassion
In being human we are able to connect more authentically with people not just in the workplace but in everyday life, by allowing them to see us for who we truly are and what we are capable of.
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins and Neal Foard discuss the importance of compassion and connection.
Highlights
Being present and aware of your actions on others and the world around you.
Building trust and genuine connection that lasts lifetimes as opposed to a quick and easy contract.
The importance of working in a diverse environment.
Quotes
“What I have been taught again and again is to try as much as possible to really wait for their personality to emerge, to wait for the real person to emerge. Don’t hurry it along and don’t make any judgments.”
“Knowing as much as you can about somebody's personhood as opposed to their professional attributes is a marvelous thing to communicate well. Any time you can speak from personal experience and people can get a sense of what your experience was, it will help them react to you in a human way.”
Dear Listeners it is now your turn,
I am really curious about what you will do with what you picked up from this conversation maybe it’ll be from the very beginning of this conversation when you realize that a really good test for the people you want to spend time with is watching how they interact with other people. People that can’t serve them, people that can’t help them, people that can’t do something for them. Maybe it’s somebody on the autism spectrum, maybe it’s someone who acts or behaves differently than you do, maybe it’s a server at a restaurant, or someone in retail. How we treat each other is a really good indication of if you want to spend time with them.
And, as always, thank you for listening.
About Neal
Neal Foard is a master storyteller and branding expert who spent 25 years shaping award-winning ad campaigns for global icons like Budweiser, Lexus, and Sony. For his international work on Toyota, he was listed among the top ten most decorated creative directors in the world. As Worldwide Director of Creative Learning for advertising giant Saatchi & Saatchi, Neal authored a program to teach professionals to sell their work more effectively. Today, he consults with Fortune 500 companies, universities, and governments on the art of persuasive messaging. A sought-after speaker with multiple appearances on the TEDx stage, Neal is known to millions for his viral videos celebrating everyday human kindness.
Be sure to check out Neal’s LinkedIn and Instagram! As well as Supercharge Your Leadership Skillset and The Restaurant of Mistaken Orders!
About Sarah
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
427: Eat Your Feelings - A Cooking Show Demonstrating True Connection, Featuring Sam Nathews
427: Eat Your Feelings - A Cooking Show Demonstrating True Connection, Featuring Sam Nathews
Technically, this is a sequel to episode 423 featuring Cory Brown. Sam Nathews is the cohost for their YouTube cooking show, Eat Your Feelings.
Highlights from the show:
Sam initially wasn't sure about cohosting the show with Cory! He can be shy about performing or entertaining people he just met. It didn't take long to realize how grateful he was that Cory was persistant in starting the project and about Sam joining the show.
Sam shared how the show helped him process his grief over losing his mother, and how being able to talk openly about his emotions has been healing for him. He emphasized the importance of normalizing vulnerability, especially for men.
The Eat Your Feelings show's format of transitioning between lighthearted cooking and deeper emotional discussions resonates with Sam because he sees it as reflective of the ups and downs of real life.
Sam has been touched by the feedback from viewers (and the show's crew!) who say the show has helped them feel less alone in their own struggles and given them permission to be open about their feelings.
Sam hopes the show can continue to provide a model for men to be vulnerable and support each other, especially in smaller, rural communities where that may not come as naturally. He sees it as an important service the show provides.
Quotes:
"...especially when you're in the midst of raw, sudden, super traumatic grief, a lot of the feelings and thoughts that come up can make you feel like this is not normal."
"...we've all cried together. We've all laughed together, we've all burnt the skin off the roof of our mouth together, and it's really, it's just been a really fulfilling thing because of the relationships that we've gotten out of that and the personal growth I've seen ... with the crew on the show..."
"...the tagline of our show is 'everybody's got to eat and everybody's got sh*t to go through."
"...I think the feedback that I've gotten ...is 'thank you guys for talking about this stuff and just showing that it's okay for two guys to talk about hard things and what you're feeling and making it normal that it's okay to feel these things.'"
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About Sam:
Sam Nathews is a brand strategist and storyteller, and the co-creator of Eat Your Feelings, a conversation series that blends food, humor, and emotional honesty. With a background in building brands and campaigns, Sam is interested in what happens when we drop polish and talk about the stuff we’re usually taught to hide. He lives in Virginia with his wife, son, and golden retriever and believes some of the best conversations happen in the kitchen.
Be sure to check out Sam's Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. As well as Eat Your Feelings on Youtube and Instagram.
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About Sarah
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
426: Ending the Cycle of Family Trauma Featuring Sharon Weinstein
426: Ending the Cycle of Family Trauma Featuring Sharon Weinstein
"How did you ever come out of that household? How did you ever evolve into who you are and what you've become from that background?"
We met in Washington DC at the final competition for the People's Choice speaker for the next TEDxUStreetWomen event scheduled on November 3, 2025. And when she won the coveted spot, all of us were thrilled. She earned it.
In this episode we discussed her TEDx talk, "Think Differently to be Unstoppable", the use of the 4W framework to reframe personal trauma into recovery and growth. She shared insightful, powerful stories of how she modeled what she wanted to see in her children and family to end the cycle of family trauma.
We also discussed her new book, Harmony by Design, replacing the concept of balance with a work and life integration.
If you're curious to hear the story of that 18-month competition, listen to episode 421 featuring Kuti Mack.
Highlights:
4W Framework
Where am I? Assess your current reality, take inventory with honesty and clarity.
What if...? Brainstorm different approaches and potential outcomes.
What WOWs? Identify ideal outcomes given current resources. What is the best case scenario?
What works? Find sustainable, repeatable solutions. Take small steps.
Sharon's soccer story, choosing to start an adult women's league without any experience, so her children could see her trying something uncomfortable and new, and so she could be more aware of what her children were experiencing.
Quote:
"...And sometimes the biggest question that I get from them is, 'how did you ever come out of that household? How did you ever evolve into who you are and what you've become from that background?' They say it to me all the time. 'Are you sure you weren't adopted?'"
Watch Sharon's recently published TEDx!
About Sharon:
A global nursing leader, TEDx speaker, and advocate for personal transformation who empowers others to rethink what's possible and turn adversity into strength. A Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), she's an award-winning healthcare innovator and author. Founder of SMW Group and the #FromCrisistoCapacity framework, she develops nurse leaders and strengthens teams and organizations through resilience, stress reduction, and human performance.
Visit, follow, and connect:
LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, website.
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About Sarah
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
425 Something To Contribute
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins and Matthew Johnson discuss their work in their communities, from work with the city to their own personal endeavours as well as how this work helps the community grow and retain the character that makes it unique.
425 Something To Contribute
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins and Matthew Johnson discuss their work in their communities, from work with the city to their own personal endeavours as well as how this work helps the community grow and retain the character that makes it unique.
Highlights
Why education in a community is important and how it has the potential to connect us.
Loving to serve.
Lead as those you look up to lead.
Quotes
“It’s a delicate balance between community growth and character, because both are necessary.”
“People don’t always know what questions to ask to even begin to find the answers they’re looking for.”
“It’s good honest work.”
Dear Listeners it is now your turn,
I’m curious to hear how you interact with your municipality? Do you notice the fine tuning going on in your local government and the facilitation work that goes on between the staff and your elected officials? Are you even paying attention to this because it matters.
You may not have alot of control over statewide or national government agencies and issues but in your little community, even a big community, you have something to contribute.
And, as always, thank you for listening.
About Matthew
Matthew Johnson is a city manager with 25 years of experience working at the intersection of leadership, public service, and communication. He helps leaders navigate difficult conversations when stakes are high and tensions are rising, especially in the complex environment of local government. Drawing from his real-world experience managing relationships between elected officials, staff, and the public, Matthew shares practical strategies that help leaders stay calm, communicate clearly, and turn disagreement into productive dialogue.
Be sure to check out Matthew’s LinkedIn!
About Sarah
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Be sure to check out the Storytelling For Professionals Course as well to make sure you nail that next interview!
424 The Art of Story Making and Being Present
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins talks about her recent vacation and the reminder to remember a past lesson from her son about learning from your past regrets and choosing to live in the moment instead of allowing expectations or worries for the future to take away from the joy of the present.
424 The Art of Story Making and Being Present
In today’s episode Sarah Elkins talks about her recent vacation and the reminder to remember a past lesson from her son about learning from your past regrets and choosing to live in the moment instead of allowing expectations or worries for the future to take away from the joy of the present.
Highlights
Being present for the stories you want to share.
Learn to just go with the flow and to take ownership of your own happiness.
Don’t grieve for the future, instead live for the present. It will still hurt regardless, but to build the happy memories right now can help ease your regrets later.
Quotes
“When I’m fully present, I am making stories that I want to share later.”
“We must stop focusing on death as a medical concern. Death is a human matter, one that each of us will eventually face.”
“How many of us are so busy worrying about what our loved ones are forgetting, that we lose track of enjoying the time we still have together?”
Dear Listeners it is now your turn,
What are expectations you’re holding on to that need to be released? What is something you’re grieving before it’s gone? Maybe you’re experiencing a lot of last times with your high school senior; The last game, the last packed lunch, the last ride to school, and you’re grieving before they’ve actually left the house.
Maybe it’s a good time to think of the other side of the equation too. Like the first time your kid buys their own toothpaste or toilet paper, the first time your kid calls you from their first apartment or dorm room. The first time you hear your kid say, “Hey mom, you were right about-”
I’d love to hear your thoughts about finding the strength to enjoy the present moment. To avoid future regret by attaching too much expectations to a person or an event.
And, as always, thank you for listening.
About Sarah
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Be sure to check out the Storytelling For Professionals Course as well to make sure you nail that next interview!