Episode 162: When Your World Crashes Down, You Rebuild by Helping Others

For An Athlete, An Injury Can Put Your Identity and Your Story to the Test

Charles Clark's mother wanted to fix it. She was desperate to see her son climb back up from the deep, deep hole she was watching him experience. Seeing someone we love in despair is likely the most painful grief.

"What can I do, Charles. How can I help you?"

"No mom, this is something I have to do myself."

When I heard this story, my eyes filled with tears. All I could think about was his mother's pain and pride in that moment. The pain of helplessness and the pride in hearing those words.

That wasn't the only story Charles shared in this episode that brought tears to my eyes, and we laughed, too. This was an hour of incredible story sharing, I think I experienced every emotion as this masterful storyteller opened his world for me to experience with him.

If you haven't heard of Charles Clark, the former World-Class American sprinter, now inspirational speaker, you'll be so glad to meet him through this episode of Your Stories Don't Define You.

And if you did know a little about him, you might just become an even bigger fan after listening in to our conversation.

Connect with Charles on LinkedIn, visit his website, and be sure to follow him on Facebook (that's where I discovered this amazing guy) and Instagram!

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Charles Clark, the creator of the Thrive Planner and the Thrive Tribe Podcast, is an expert in habit improvement, discovering purpose, vision creating and goal setting. After he became the 6th fastest man in the world, a devastating injury left him searching for his identity. Charles developed techniques that brought clarity to his life’s purpose while establishing massive confidence.  

Charles’ modern transformation strategies, empowering presentations, and high-performance mindset hacks have made him a sought-after speaker and coach for leading organizations like Dick’s Sporting Goods, Nike, Raymond James Financial, Frontier Communications, iHeart Radio, US Army, and FSU.

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About Sarah:

Purchase the audiobook here.

In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.

My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically 

with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.

The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!

Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.

Episode 110: If That's Not Nice, I Don't Know What Is - Kurt Vonnegut

To Balance Bad Memories with Good Ones, We Must Actively Acknowledge the Good Stuff in Daily Life

Right after reading an article by Stephen Moegling, I walked into our living room, took a deep, satisfied breath, and took in the scene: Our older son, 21, was on the floor, snuggling our giant chocolate lab mix in front of a beautiful fire in the wood stove. Then I thought to myself: “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

Then I went back to my computer and reached out to Stephen via LinkedIn, asking him if he’d please be a guest on my podcast. He said yes.

He’s just as warm and kind as his article gave the impression. We spent an hour talking about how he came to write the article, the changes he experienced as he addressed his stress during his divorce through a brilliant counselor, Frank, and the result of years of practicing the mindfulness strategies Frank taught him.

Stephen didn’t always have this calm and relatively easy-going presence. He describes his pre-mindful life as stressed, high-strung, type A, dissatisfied and generally unhappy. But what I experienced during our call was the opposite, I’d describe him using my sister’s phrase, baseline happy.

What can cause that kind of transformation? Being mindful of the good things in life, which doesn’t necessarily come naturally. According to the article, our brains hold onto those things we pay attention to, and it’s human nature to pay attention to the negative things that happen in our lives. We replay those old, negative memories/stories over and over again, creating almost permanent neural pathways around the emotions that accompany those memories.

But what if, like Kurt Vonnegut suggests, we notice those happy, satisfying moments. What if we stopped for just a few seconds to really take in the goodness around us, noticing how we feel, and creating a strong mental image of that satisfaction?

Listen into our conversation to hear how he was able to transform his mindset and his life, the stories he shares now to help others, and the beautiful way he now sees the world around him.

Thanks to friends Kimberly Davis and Melissa Hughes for sharing Stephen’s article on Facebook!

Episode 77: You Can Find Joy and Satisfaction in Whatever You Do

Take Time to See the Value of What You Do, and the Impact You Can Have - Wherever You Sit

I met Thom Boehm on LinkedIn shortly after he published his first blog on that platform. I was immediately intrigued by his writing; direct, thoughtful, insightful, and relevant.

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During our conversation, I mentioned a post Thom published a few years ago about needles from one of his knitting machines that got lost in the cracks of the hardwood floor beneath them. We spoke about how Lost in the Cracks was an insightful metaphor for people and things that seem to disappear because we don’t see an immediate use or purpose for them, but when we take time to look in those cracks in life, we find great purpose for those people and things that have been lost.

Knitting machines at Stanfield’s.

What caught my attention from the beginning is Thom’s genuine ability to find joy and value in whatever he is doing. He understands his motivation and needs with clarity few people seem to possess. He knows himself well enough to know that his work environment is as important - if not MORE important - than the work he is doing.

Thom’s description of his workplace is filled with a true passion for the building itself, the hardwood floors, the windows, even the ceiling beams. He speaks of the knitting machines he maintains with reverence, giving them personality and character, almost like a cherished family pet.

If more of us were present, grateful, and inspired by the details around us, perhaps our world would simply be a more kind and joyful place.

Your Words Have Impact When You Least Expect It

And Your Actions Will Carry Even More Weight

Sarah & Mom, Mt. Helena City Park

I have moments in conversations with my children that I think: “That was good! Where did that wisdom come from?” And in my mind, I’ve said something so perceptive, so wise, that my boys are sure to remember it and apply it.

That’s rarely the way it works. They remember some of the most ridiculous things I’ve said, and most of the time when they tell me something deep that I shared with them, I have no memory of the conversation.

When my mother came to visit our family recently, I took the opportunity to have this conversation with her: Do you remember telling me these wise things that I’ve written about in my blog? At the time you shared these words with me, did you think they would have life-long impact?

I loved this conversation, partly because it confirmed this generational commonality, that our children remember things we don’t remember. And more importantly, that they remember our actions, the values we demonstrated to them, with even more clarity.

In our conversation we mentioned a few things related to childbirth and breast feeding, and I promised to include links to explain. Mom mentioned meconium aspiration, and her activity in the early 70s with La Leche League.

Also in the conversation, we talked about the Jewish holiday called Purim, the cookies we make to celebrate that holiday, and the act of delivering a basket of those cookies and other treats anonymously to people.

Sarah and Mom, Helena Regional Airport

Knowing that we think differently, and process information differently is critical to the health of our relationships, and talking through how we remember our family history helps clarify those differences. When I remember hard times, specific incidents that had impact on me, I vividly remember the people involved, and my feelings and experiences with those people. It turns out that when my mother remembers specific incidents that had big impact on her, she remembers her feelings about it, the emotions she experienced, not the specific people involved.

Having this conversation allowed me some insights in terms of her emotional response to things I say or struggles she experiences in her life. She simply processes things differently from how I process them, and there’s so much beauty in that difference.

Your Turn

Have you told people the impact they had on you? Do you share your memories with people, so they understand how much their actions meant to you? When you share these stories with people in your life, you have an incredible opportunity not only to be grateful, which has positive impact on your brain, and to thank people, but to see those same experiences through their eyes.

Giving Thanks When You Don't Have Much to Give

Family Traditions Build Lasting Stories and Strong Relationships

Shiquita Yarbrough is a single mom, which isn’t too unusual these days. What makes her really special is her incredibly generous spirit, and commitment to not only being a positive and active community member, she’s committed to helping her children see the importance of being a productive and kind member of your community.

After her divorce, she decided to start over again with her three youngest children, the oldest was in college. She researched parts of the US, knew generally what she wanted in a community, and landed in Austin, Texas. It’s not easy to start over, especially with three young children and a full time job. Shiquita found herself immediately welcomed into that community, which if you’ve met her wouldn’t surprise you.

Neighbors, teachers, parents of friends all saw what she was trying to do with her children - getting them involved in the community through sports - and started to offer help with rides to and from activities. As the Christmas season was in view, she thought hard about how to demonstrate her appreciation for all the people who were helping her. Gifts seemed not quite personal enough, especially because she simply didn’t have a lot of money to spend.

But she loves to cook, and people love to eat what she cooks, so she talked it over with her children and they all agreed to host a Giving Thanks dinner the night before Thanksgiving. This would give the family an opportunity to show their appreciation, while leaving the traditional holiday for them to spend the way they choose. That first year her children invited a few friends, teachers, and parents of friends, a relatively small group. But by the last year they were in Austin, it had grown to over 40.

Shiquita’s family Giving Thanks dinner became an important and well-loved tradition, offering all kinds of lessons for her children and her community. Because when you feed people like Shiquita feeds people, you’re not only filling their bellies, you’re nurturing their souls.

She exudes warmth and generosity of spirit, and I was lucky enough to meet her at the Atlanta airport when we were both on our way home.

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Shiquita is the Office Manager at the Community Foundation of Boulder County, but she doesn’t end her days there. She’s also on the boards of her local YWCA and League of Women Voters, and has a monthly radio show for single parents. This is one generous member of the community.