Episode 191: After Happily Ever After, a Novel by Leslie Rasmussen That Hits Home
Leslie Rasmussen didn't intend to write a novel. Her idea was to interview people in their 40s, empty-nesting or nearly empty nesting, in long-term relationships or newly divorced, hearing their stories and finding commonalities in order to write a non-fiction book for people to find comfort in these transitions.
She found so many commonalities that she decided to combine the patterns she was hearing about to write the stories of one fictional family's experience.
This story resonates because it feels so familiar. Every character is familiar, from the teenaged daughter to the high achieving best friend. The primary protagonist is me. She's you. She's your husband or your wife. Though her actions and how she chooses to move through her current situation won't exactly match what you might do, the feelings and circumstances absolutely will.
We Have a Lot More in Common Than We Think
Leslie Rasmussen podcast episode cover art.
Leslie Rasmussen didn't intend to write a novel. Her idea was to interview people in their 40s, empty-nesting or nearly empty nesting, in long-term relationships or newly divorced, hearing their stories and finding commonalities in order to write a non-fiction book for people to find comfort in these transitions.
She found so many commonalities that she decided to combine the patterns she was hearing about to write the stories of one fictional family's experience.
This story resonates because it feels so familiar. Every character is familiar, from the teenaged daughter to the high achieving best friend. The primary protagonist is me. She's you. She's your husband or your wife. Though her actions and how she chooses to move through her current situation won't exactly match what you might do, the feelings and circumstances absolutely will.
Our conversation began with movie trivia... it turns out that Leslie started her career in Los Angeles as an actress. After her cameo appearance in a major film, she had an epiphany about what she really wanted, which was to be involved in filmmaking, but not necessarily as an actress.
Follow Leslie on Facebook, Instagram, and be sure to grab your copy of her book, After Happily Ever After.
From Leslie's website:
Leslie A. Rasmussen was born and raised in Los Angeles, California. She graduated with a bachelors from UCLA in Communications and went on to write television comedies for Gerald McRaney, Burt Reynolds, Roseanne Barr, Norm McDonald, Drew Carey, and Ralph Macchio as well as The Wild Thornberrys and Sweet Valley High. Later, she earned a master’s degree in nutrition and ran her own business for ten years. Most recently, Leslie has written personal essays for online magazines such as Huffington Post, Maria Shriver and Sheknows. Leslie loves dogs and besides having two adorable Labradors, she volunteers at The Burbank Animal Shelter, in Burbank, California. Leslie lives in Los Angeles and has two sons, and a husband she’s been with since college.
This is her debut novel.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 120: Not A Super Fan of a Show or Movie? You Might Be Missing Out!
Evolutional Psychology: Stories of Tribal Communities Based on Fandom
Annette Taylor playfully describes her transformation from a semi-traditional adult into a super fan of the tv show Supernatural as her second adolescence or her mid-life crisis.
But instead of blindly following her urge to dive into this newfound side of herself, she became very curious about the “why” behind this transformation. What was driving her to shift her behavior in this way? What was happening in her brain that could explain the intense desire to watch every episode, learn everything she could about the characters and the actors who played them, and even to fly across the country for a convention for the show?
Having a master’s degree in educational psychology, and many years of experience in the human development field, Annette started a deep dive into a related field - evolutionary psychology. Over the past few years, she has read and absorbed hundreds of books and articles, driven to understand the intensity that comes with super fandom. Her conclusion? Humans continue to demonstrate characteristics of our great, great, great, great…. ancestors, all the way back to when we were cave dwellers.
As cave-dwellers, we started to truly understand the value of a community or tribe. We innately understood that when we liked and appreciated the same things as the people around us, our lives were a little bit simpler and safer.
This characteristic translates into what we see now in the behaviors of entire groups of people, from super fans of tv shows, movies, musicians and theatre, to religious communities and political parties. When we find people who feel strongly like we do about something, we feel deeply connected to them, we feel understood and appreciated, and we feel safe to express our opinions and feelings.
During our conversation about Annette’s education, she mentioned that the founders of Evolutionary Psychology were at UCSB, here’s the website for the Center for Evolutionary Psychology.
Annette’s deep dive into the psyche of super fans continues, and she shares her thoughts and insights on a variety of platforms. Visit her blog site, Congirl vs. Cavegirl (Congirl is slang for convention girl), follow her on Twitter, take a look at her published article in Psychology Today, and connect with her on LinkedIn to learn more.
Mid-Life Crisis? Dazed & Confused? You're Not Alone.
Are you going through a time of uncertainty? Are you feeling off-balance and lost? No one can solve your problems for you, but reaching out to encouraging, supportive, engaged friends will definitely help.
I recently read a sad article about a ridiculous number of women my age who are going through a sort of mid-life crisis. The part that caught my attention first was this:
"Hey," I said, happy to have caught her on a break from her job, "do you know anyone having a midlife crisis I could talk to?"
The phone was silent for a second.
Finally, she said, "I'm trying to think of any woman I know who's not."
When I read that exchange, I realized that women in my age range are having very similar experiences to current young adults just leaving high school and college.
Our world is so different from what I experienced as I left high school. Career paths were pretty traditional then, though there were some who took different journeys. Most of my friends didn’t think about the next step after high school because the next step was college; most of us never thought about NOT going on for a four year degree. I was surrounded by my middle class friends in suburban Colorado neighborhoods, but even my friends outside of that community knew the traditional path and generally followed it.
Those traditional paths still exist, but they’re an awful lot like where Kodak was about 30 years ago; they’re not real anymore.
Some people are seeing this as an exciting opportunity, a chance to do whatever seems right at any given moment. Others are experiencing a kind of agoraphobia, a sense of overwhelming loss and confusion. For them, it’s like being really hungry and going to a restaurant with too many menu options. They get so overwhelmed that they can’t make a decision and walk away starving.
Women who are going through this crisis are facing similarly overwhelming options, but instead of seeing this time as full of opportunity, they’re seeing it as failure, or worse, their lives completely shattered.
I have to keep reminding myself that not everyone likes to be in that “in-between” space, where I live most of the time. People who fit the equation comfort = happiness are overwhelmed by this time in their lives, while others who have consistently shifted gears to find the next adventure see this time as exciting and full of opportunity.
It’s hard to know what to do to help friends going through this phase of self-discovery and change; after all, their world is unbalanced and full of uncertainty. I’ve written about strategies for helping a person who is grieving, and they apply here, too. Remember that your friends are grieving. They’re grieving the loss of what they thought they wanted in life, the loss of their certainty, and potentially the loss of the foundation of their marriage and parents as their health deteriorates.
A good coach can help define the questions that need to be addressed, and will help clarify what the answers mean in terms of action steps and opportunities. Coaching is well worth the investment, and in combination with a counselor, can turn things around significantly. Not every counselor or coach is the same, so if you find one you don’t work well with, keep looking. Don’t stick with one you don’t feel excited to share with, but don’t give up on coaching or counseling if you have one negative or ineffective experience!
Listening is a huge part of allowing a person to grieve. If you are a good listener, that may be your primary role in helping your friends.
Being a positive force of encouragement and support is absolutely the best thing you can do for people. Make sure you have a small group that meets regularly to talk about the challenges and questions you’re all facing. More importantly, make sure the energy in that group remains positive. Each person in your group must have the ability and comfort level to intervene when a meeting turns into a rant session. A complaint-filled hour will only drag you down; when anyone in the group senses that things are going south in a conversation, they must know how to carefully switch gears and talk about actions people can take to move forward.
Are you going through a time of uncertainty? Are you feeling off-balance and lost? No one can solve your problems for you, but reaching out to encouraging, supportive, engaged friends will definitely help. I have what I call my N.A.G. group, Nudge – Advise – Guide, and we meet once each month to help us stay accountable to ourselves with our goals, to encourage and advise us when we have crazy ideas, and to guide us to make the best choices.
“If you regret any part of your past, think about your future, and make changes and efforts now, so you don’t look back again with regret.”
How you perceive this time in your life is YOUR CHOICE. You can wallow in sadness over the loss of what you thought you had, what you thought you wanted, or you can step up and live out the dreams you’ve dismissed while you were developing yourself to be who you are right now.