214: Slowing Down Time - the In-Between
It was in a recent conversation that I realized this about myself, that I am in a constant state of change and churn, and that I sometimes let that get me anxious and stressed. It's silly, since I know I bring this on myself. I could say no. I could turn down opportunities to sing, to speak, to mentor someone. But I love it. I love this feeling of change and growth, and none of the decisions I make are things I don't want to do.
Stories of Mindfulness to Address Uncertainty
Uncertainty Isn’t Always a Bad Thing, We Can Thrive Here
Many years ago, I read a post by Nilofer Merchant about what she calls In-Between Space,
Summers when you were young were the in-between spaces of learning – where you could languish in play time and know learning time was ahead... That time where you got a job offer but hadn’t started yet. Maybe even during the search for a new role. Perhaps it is as simple as when you are clear of a new direction.
I think of that post often; I live in In-Between Space, it's a weird sort of comfort zone for me. I rarely stay content in a job, a dynamic, a relationship. There has to be consistent growth and change in everything I do.
It was in a recent conversation that I realized this about myself, that I am in a constant state of change and churn, and that I sometimes let that get me anxious and stressed. It's silly, since I know I bring this on myself. I could say no. I could turn down opportunities to sing, to speak, to mentor someone. But I love it. I love this feeling of change and growth, and none of the decisions I make are things I don't want to do.
In StrengthsFinder, that is a direct reflection of my Activator and Adaptability talents. If you’re one of those people who struggles in meetings without good facilitation, meetings without a focus on action items, and you find yourself in an almost constant sense of urgency, you may be an Activator, too.
The combination of Activator and Adaptability means I spend a lot more of my days in transition, and a lot fewer of my days in periods of contentedness.
For most of my life that has been a disadvantage. You’ve heard the term “job hopper”, right? When I was starting my career, that was a seriously negative description. People close to me would voice concern every time I changed jobs: “that’ll look bad on your resume!”
But for the past nearly 3 years, this part of my character has been valued, appreciated. People have reached out to me for guidance more than ever. They know if anyone is going to deal with uncertainty with grace and optimism, it’s going to be me - or someone else with Adaptability in their top talents (though they may not know it.)
I realized a few years ago that though it’s not uncommon to find people like me, the majority of people prefer long periods of contentedness and short periods of transition - exactly the opposite to how I live my life.
During a recording of Lois Koffi’s podcast, Healthy-n-Wealthy-n-Wise, Lois asked me about that, how those of us without Adaptability up there in our talents can deal with all of this uncertainty with grace.
That’s where this “in-between space” reference comes in.
For most people, periods of uncertainty are uncomfortable, to say the least. Consider, though, the time between giving your notice at one job and starting the next one. Or the time of your wedding engagement, between the announcement and the event itself. Or pregnancy. Or the summer between school years… all of those are in-between spaces, full of possibility - and uncertainty.
My answer to Lois included two strategies:
1) Your mindset must shift to possibility as opposed to worry. Surround yourself with people who think differently from you, people who have complementary talents. Find an Activator, an Adaptability partner to bring you comfort simply because they will weather this uncertainty storm with optimism and action.
2) Find small routines or habits that bring you a sense of stability and comfort and practice them with intention. When your brain starts to wind up with the negative “what ifs”, practice looking for things that are certain, things that - even if they’re not great - are consistent in your life. This is what mindfulness is all about: Being fully present, in the moment. Tell yourself “right now, in this moment, I am breathing, I am sitting here with consciousness.” This isn’t just about gratitude, though that’s really helpful in this context, it’s about knowing what’s certain in a given moment. Here’s one of mine: “I’m certain that right now, in this moment, I’m safe, I’m warm, I’m not hungry, and my dog is peacefully sleeping beside me.”
When we acknowledge and value our in-between time, we are able to process a past experience and begin to consider the potential for our future.
If you have children or fur-babies, it’s a great way to slow down time so you don’t regret missing out on the limited years we get to spend with them.
When planning our wedding 25 years ago, I kept a journal to document all the details. I knew that by embracing and enjoying each part of the journey, I would slow down the time before the actual wedding day. I also figured that this strategy would help with the emotional let-down following a major event.
To slow down time, I need to stop thinking of each day as stressful or uncertain, stop trying to make something happen every moment, and start thinking about each day as an opportunity to enjoy the journey leading to whatever is next.
Are you an In-Between Space person, too? Do you embrace that side of you, or does it keep you frustrated and anxious?
Thank you for listening to the Your Stories Don’t Define You podcast!
There are still spots available for the fifth No Longer Virtual Conference coming up March 3rd and 4th, 2022 in Park City, Utah. Bringing entrepreneurs and innovators together in a small venue, limited to 40 people, to #connectbeyondthekeyboard, to learn from each other and grow in our personal and professional lives. Visit elkinsconsulting.com for more details and to view the fabulous agenda.
Are you facing a transition right now? A big birthday coming up, considering a major career change, retirement? Empty nesting or divorce?
Are you overwhelmed with the millions of opportunities that seem to be opening in our global community? Not sure where to start, what questions to ask yourself, and questioning what you’re even qualified for?
If you’re eager to start exploring and would appreciate a guide, my recently launched Discovering Clarity course is available now for just $149. I highly recommend that you register with a friend or group of friends to keep each other accountable, message me for a discount code for multiple registrations. Visit elkins consulting.com / discovering-clarity.
My friend Trent said this to me a few years ago: Hope is not a strategy.
Instead of "I hope this year is better" say "this year will be better." And then take steps to MAKE it better. In my work I call it planting seeds. Every day that my motivation drops I ask myself which seeds I can plant right. this. minute. to improve my future. I make myself choose two seeds, one for future income and one for the health of an important relationship. It's really amazing how much can change by simply taking small steps. But nothing changes if you say "I hope 2022 is better than 2021" and then do nothing to make that happen. What seeds will you plant today?
Episode 191: After Happily Ever After, a Novel by Leslie Rasmussen That Hits Home
Leslie Rasmussen didn't intend to write a novel. Her idea was to interview people in their 40s, empty-nesting or nearly empty nesting, in long-term relationships or newly divorced, hearing their stories and finding commonalities in order to write a non-fiction book for people to find comfort in these transitions.
She found so many commonalities that she decided to combine the patterns she was hearing about to write the stories of one fictional family's experience.
This story resonates because it feels so familiar. Every character is familiar, from the teenaged daughter to the high achieving best friend. The primary protagonist is me. She's you. She's your husband or your wife. Though her actions and how she chooses to move through her current situation won't exactly match what you might do, the feelings and circumstances absolutely will.
We Have a Lot More in Common Than We Think
Leslie Rasmussen podcast episode cover art.
Leslie Rasmussen didn't intend to write a novel. Her idea was to interview people in their 40s, empty-nesting or nearly empty nesting, in long-term relationships or newly divorced, hearing their stories and finding commonalities in order to write a non-fiction book for people to find comfort in these transitions.
She found so many commonalities that she decided to combine the patterns she was hearing about to write the stories of one fictional family's experience.
This story resonates because it feels so familiar. Every character is familiar, from the teenaged daughter to the high achieving best friend. The primary protagonist is me. She's you. She's your husband or your wife. Though her actions and how she chooses to move through her current situation won't exactly match what you might do, the feelings and circumstances absolutely will.
Our conversation began with movie trivia... it turns out that Leslie started her career in Los Angeles as an actress. After her cameo appearance in a major film, she had an epiphany about what she really wanted, which was to be involved in filmmaking, but not necessarily as an actress.
Follow Leslie on Facebook, Instagram, and be sure to grab your copy of her book, After Happily Ever After.
From Leslie's website:
Leslie A. Rasmussen was born and raised in Los Angeles, California. She graduated with a bachelors from UCLA in Communications and went on to write television comedies for Gerald McRaney, Burt Reynolds, Roseanne Barr, Norm McDonald, Drew Carey, and Ralph Macchio as well as The Wild Thornberrys and Sweet Valley High. Later, she earned a master’s degree in nutrition and ran her own business for ten years. Most recently, Leslie has written personal essays for online magazines such as Huffington Post, Maria Shriver and Sheknows. Leslie loves dogs and besides having two adorable Labradors, she volunteers at The Burbank Animal Shelter, in Burbank, California. Leslie lives in Los Angeles and has two sons, and a husband she’s been with since college.
This is her debut novel.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 189: Podcast Brief 3 - Ideation & Adaptability Gain Momentum
In this week’s episode I’ll round out a description of my top five talents with Ideation and Adaptability. Ideation being the one that I imagine as a hamster on a wheel in my head, constantly running, coming up with ideas about what I’ll do next, ideas to solve problems, sometimes completely random ideas about why things happen the way they do, how things work (usually unrelated to anything that actually matters in my life), and how to express concepts so they’re sticky and/or persuasive.
Adaptability is the talent that allows me to switch gears easily, and that makes me a good person to be around when a project goes sideways.
StrengthFinder Results Can Bring Clarity to Your Communication Patterns of Friction
Podcast brief 3 – Ideation / Adaptability
Podcast cover art with image and quote from Sarah Elkins
This week’s episode of Your Stories Don’t Define You is part 3 of a series I’m exploring to clarify how StrengthsFinder results can provide clarity around your life's patterns.
Two weeks ago I shared what it’s like to have Command in your top talents using the StrengthsFinder assessment, and last week I shared stories about my top two talents, Strategic & Activator: how they used to look to me, what they look like now in my life, and some of the strategies I use so they work for me instead of against me.
As a Gallup certified StrengthsFinder coach, I’ve taken opportunities to work with other coaches for two reasons, one is that I believe in this stuff, the idea that when we understand our own way of thinking, our natural, instinctive talents, and when we understand where we might be getting in our own way, we find more satisfaction in our lives. Another reason is that to be a coach and to have a coach demonstrates my belief that this works, that working with a good coach adds value. I know that the more I know about my own talents and blind spots, the more effective I can be for my clients.
Image of a hamster running in a wheel.
In this week’s episode I’ll round out a description of my top five talents with Ideation and Adaptability. Ideation being the one that I imagine as a hamster on a wheel in my head, constantly running, coming up with ideas about what I’ll do next, ideas to solve problems, sometimes completely random ideas about why things happen the way they do, how things work (usually unrelated to anything that actually matters in my life), and how to express concepts so they’re sticky and/or persuasive.
Adaptability is the talent that allows me to switch gears easily, and that makes me a good person to be around when a project goes sideways.
My top five talents combined; Strategic, Activator, Ideation, Command, and Adaptability are what make me great at what I do, they’re also the things that get me into trouble when I’m not using them with intention. When I look back at the experiences of significant friction in my life, I now know part of why they happened, how I contributed to my own struggles, and maybe ways I could have done things a little differently.
It doesn’t help, necessarily, to think about the “what ifs” directly, I like to think of it more as identifying patterns so I can make changes in my responses & reactions when similar situations appear, which happens a lot.
When I was 18 and struggling in a job, I told my mother I was thinking of quitting.
“Sarah, if you quit now, this same scenario will come up over and over again until you learn the lesson you’re supposed to learn from it. It’ll be different people, but a very similar struggle.”
I stayed, and yes, I did learn a lot from the experience. I was proud of myself for sticking it out, I felt strong, resilient, and ready for the next challenge.
Though I learned a lot about myself and the world around me in that job, it took another 20 years to truly uncover the pattern that began to emerge that year. That’s the beauty of self-reflection: When you uncover negative patterns from your past, you can begin to change them for your future.
Prior to about 2015, if you changed jobs more than twice in a 5 year period, you were considered a “job hopper”, which made hiring managers pretty uncomfortable when they looked at your resume. In the 2020s, between the lack of consistency in industries and the gig economy making waves, we’re seeing a much needed change in that way of thinking. Maybe I was just ahead of my time…
It wasn’t until I saw my results in the StrengthsFinder assessment, with Adaptability in large, bold font on the report, that I understood my self-created label of being a “2 to 3 year employee.”
When a job lasted longer than that, I can see in my rearview that the job shifted often enough to keep me moving, motivated, and interested. For instance, when I worked as a software consultant, implementing large-scale HR programs, the longest contract I was on lasted 14 months, and then my company would move me onto a new client project.
Many years later I was a compliance officer for a Federal grant - and I don’t even like rules. Looking back, I know why I applied for the job – to get more financial skills to round out my business experiences after completing my MBA – but I have no idea why they hired me or why I accepted the position.
The first few weeks were spent reading the rules related to the grant, reporting requirements, and everything I could get my hands on to make sure I understood all the strings attached to the 2+ million dollars that would be moving through our project.
The next few weeks were spent with that hamster in my head that I mentioned, constantly coming up with ideas about how to collect the required data from our 44 sub-grantees, how to manage our budget, and how to make sure our sub-grantees understood their role in compliance.
Using Microsoft Access, I created a robust database for data collection and budget management. I created easy to use forms to enter data, using drop down boxes, radio buttons, and select fields as much as possible to limit typos and errors in formatting.
Looking back, I can easily see how my top strengths made me successful in that position, despite being in a job that wasn’t a great fit, and with a boss with significantly different motivation and perspectives on work and management.
When I look back now, I realize I knew two things when I started, even though I didn’t think intentionally about them at the time:
1) To ensure compliance from our sub-grantees, I needed to have strong, positive relationships with them. They must WANT to be compliant, rather than HAVE TO be compliant to make this work smoothly and get the most positive impact out of the investments we were making.
2) I needed structures and processes that made sense in collecting data, managing the budget, and creating required, accurate reports, because I knew myself well enough to know that once I got into maintenance mode, I was unlikely to be as good at managing details.
I mentioned the boss & I had some friction… This is what happens when your strengths are significantly different from others in your team, and communication styles aren’t addressed early in the relationships.
My mouse hovered over the send button.
The email message was pointed—direct—and I felt strongly that these words needed to be shared with my boss and a director of the agency. But I hesitated as my mouse hovered.
I had felt lethargic throughout the weekend. From the time I left the office on Friday evening until Tuesday morning, I couldn’t shake this lack of motivation. A few minutes after I sat down at my desk on that Tuesday morning, I looked up at my calendar, and the lightbulb in my head went on. Monday had been my two-year anniversary at that job.
When I left my previous position, I made a “deal-breaker” list. It was basically my top priorities for my next job. A micromanaging, cruel boss was at the top of my list of deal breakers. Next was my workspace. An internal cubical, small and without windows, was also a deal breaker. There were a few others, but those were the big ones.
As I walked into the building for my third interview, and was shown to what would be my third-floor office with huge windows and a fantastic view, I knew this would be mine. And here I was, exactly two years later, feeling lethargic and sad despite this phenomenal view from my desk.
I shifted the mouse pointer away from the send button and reread the message.
A memory from my previous position floated to the front of my brain.
My mouse pointer had hovered dangerously over the send button two+ years prior at my previous job. I absolutely knew this message was likely to create drama with my boss. I rationalized hitting the send button: “It’s a reasonable thing to forward. I’m not doing anything wrong.”
I totally underestimated the drama, and seconds after I hit the button, my boss was next to my desk, her voice rising in pitch and volume.
I blushed, angry at the overreaction and embarrassed at the attention she was drawing to our cubicle, as I tried to explain why I sent the email. Nothing I said made a difference, and she stomped away from me, furious.
A few minutes later, as I was walking around the building to get some fresh air and perspective, it dawned on me. I totally earned that embarrassment. I poked the bear. I knew I was going to poke the bear. I knew I was antagonizing her when I hit the send button on that message. No matter how rational and reasonable the content of that message, I knew I was stirring up trouble and I did it anyway.
Why?
At that point in my job, I was in maintenance mode. I had set up systems to manage reporting and compliance, and most of my days were spent reviewing spreadsheets and building reports based on the data I was collecting. It was relatively quiet for our team that week, and I was probably bored, so I sabotaged myself.
Fast-forward two years later as my mouse pointer hovered over the send button, my memory of the other experience vivid and ready to be applied. I stopped myself. I reflected. I was bored, and I was about to sabotage myself . . . again.
I realized that if I was bored, it was up to me to find a more constructive way to address it. In that job, I had a lot of autonomy and freedom to work on projects, so I took some time to think about what I wanted to learn more about, what projects would truly benefit the organization and our community, and those I could persuade my boss and other leaders in the organization to support and implement. Making a list and starting to carefully word my next proposal, I saved that email message for another time, and as a reminder to avoid sabotaging myself again.
Now that you know how my Strategic, Activator, Ideation, Command, and Adaptability show up, you could probably pinpoint exactly where they served me well, and where they didn’t in my past.
Without being conscious of my top talents, I can be very good at what I do, but there will always be a limit to my growth. Not only because I’m not practicing with intention to grow my use of those talents, but because I would be unaware of the ways my talents are creating unnecessary obstacles and struggles.
The only way we grow as humans, the only way we can truly find satisfaction in our relationships, is to be self-reflective. This is not the same as being hyper critical of ourselves!
Being self-reflective means understanding our role in every situation, in every relationship. What am I doing to move this conversation in a positive direction? What was my role in the conflict with my coworker? What natural talents am I using in ways that are positive, and where am I getting in my own way?
Please send me a message if you enjoyed this series of podcast briefs! If they were useful to listeners, I’ll do another series in the future.
Next week’s episode of the Your Stories Don’t Define You podcast features Terre Roche, vocalist and guitar player famous for her performances with her sister and their band The Roches! Hearing her stories of touring across the country at 17 years old, her love for music, and her accidental career will inspire you to look at your life in a different way. Don’t miss it!
ABOUT SARAH:
Elkins Consulting logo with image of Sarah and her dog.
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 113: Stories that Create and Build Life-Long Friendships
I went to four different elementary schools, moved from Washington DC to Denver, then to Los Angeles, and then back to Colorado in Colorado Springs just before starting junior high. My closest friends were always my siblings because we moved so much in those early days.
It’s a Different Kind of Love in Life-Long Friendship
I went to four different elementary schools, moved from Washington DC to Denver, then to Los Angeles, and then back to Colorado in Colorado Springs just before starting junior high. My closest friends were always my siblings because we moved so much in those early days.
But in 2nd grade, I met Amorisa Lynn at Devonshire Elementary School in Chatsworth, CA. We were best friends immediately because we had SO much in common. We were both tiny, and had long, very straight, very fine brown hair. And in 2nd grade, that’s all it takes.
I remember when a boy who liked her broke her pinky finger. Again, 2nd grade.
And I remember going to her home after school and for sleepovers. Her Taiwanese grandmother lived with them, and would fix us snacks and Ramen noodles - and wouldn’t let me use a fork or spoon - so I learned to use chopsticks like a natural.
Aimee, Sarah, Gwenda (Aimee’s little sister) - 1978, Chatsworth, California
Amorisa moved around even more often than I did, so our long-term friendship seems even more unlikely.
Aimee remembers lots of things I had forgotten, like the fact that I taught her how to flip an egg in a skillet, and how to make “Super Eggies”, which are typically known as egg-in-a-nest.
The strange part about our long friendship is that we only lived in the same place for a very brief amount of time. After 2nd grade I switched schools, then she moved away from our neighborhood. She finally got back to our neighborhood at the beginning of 6th grade and started school at the same school I attended, but then I moved, two weeks into the school year, to Colorado Springs.
We kept in touch all those years the old fashioned way - as Pen Pals. Yes, we wrote letters to each other throughout elementary school, junior high, and high school. We visited each other a few times, traveling across the country by ourselves and living as part of each other’s families for a few weeks at a time during the summer.
Here we are, nearly 43 years later, spending a weekend together in Cayucos, California, where my husband and I decided to rent a beach house for a month to work remotely in a place where we didn’t have to shovel snow.
Panorama fun in Cayucos, CA February 2020
I took the opportunity to record this episode of Your Stories Don’t Define You with Aimee, all about friendship, our friendship, and the idea of friendship itself, while we were together. This is the first time in at least 20 years that we’ve had time to spend together like this, and we took full advantage of every moment. And just like any other true friendship, we picked up right where we left off, never skipping a beat, like no time had passed between visits. The only evidence being a few gray hairs and images of grown children.
Amorisa Lynn Denzel is a freelance artist living in Ventura, California.
Photo of a painting by Amorisa Lynn Denzel
EPISODE 100: Community is the Key to Your Emotional Health and Personal Development
For this 100th episode, I couldn’t think of a more appropriate theme than Community. It’s my community that make me who I am today. It’s my community - that I built with intention - that bring me satisfaction, challenge, and joy. It’s my community that helped me be the person I aspire to be, and to raise our children to be independent, kind, compassionate adults.
Special Episode: Stories of Building Community and Our Identity
Music was our matchmaker. (Stay tuned to the end to hear the entire song from the regular intro and conclusion music!)
Twila and I met because our husbands were looking for other musicians to jam with. One of them answered the other one’s Craig’s List ad, they played together a couple of times, and then I invited them over for dinner and music. We never considered not making music together after that night. Our voices together created something entirely different than our voices separately. The complexity of our vocal tone and harmonies continue to make the hairs rise on our necks, and on the necks of our audiences. I call her my Soul Sister.
Today’s 100th episode of Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is sponsored by Uchi. Scroll down for more information about this new communication improvement app!
For this 100th episode, I couldn’t think of a more appropriate theme than Community. It’s my community that make me who I am today. It’s my community - that I built with intention - that bring me satisfaction, challenge, and joy. It’s my community that helped me be the person I aspire to be, and to raise our children to be independent, kind, compassionate adults.
The audio contributions from Heather Younger, Lynda Spiegel, Joe Kwon, and Neil Hughes were overwhelming! I am so grateful to you, friends, you make it all worthwhile. Truly.
Sarah and Neil at NLVDenver2018
“Special thanks to Neil Hughes for his critical role in bringing these 100 episodes to life. It simply wouldn’t be possible without him.”
I started to build my LinkedIn community about 10 years ago, slowly at first, finding my footing as a blog writer and contributor to the platform via comments and sharing valuable, relevant content.
The first people I connected with deeply were Heather Younger, Neil Hughes, John White, Dustin McKissen, Susan Rooks, Chris Spurvey, Lynda Spiegel, Karthik Rajan, and Larry Boyer. All of whom have transformed their lives since then, publishing books, starting speaking careers, building businesses, and more. These were the people putting out great content that I was learning from, engaging with, and sharing, which was the reason for the substantial growth of my LinkedIn network: People started to follow me because they trusted me to share relevant content, and to connect them with wicked-smart, insightful professionals.
Melissa Hughes and Zach Messler at NLVDenver2018
Those people are the reason for the existence of the No Longer Virtual events. I realized that bringing them together, face-to-face, would offer even more opportunities to deepen my learning from them, and our relationships. We’re heading into our fourth year, No Longer Virtual will descend on Chicago on March 12 & 13, 2020.
That first event in Atlanta in 2017 brought me face-to-face with many of my favorite LinkedIn voices, including Melissa Hughes, Zach Messler, and Amy Blaschka, who continue to be huge inspirations and support for me. Our relationships began virtually, and now I cannot imagine my life without them - or the others I mentioned - in it. They are my community.
For this episode, I wanted to explore what community means to people, and to share what my community means to me.
One of many music nights at our house - our community!
So I hit the record button in the kitchen at Twila’s house, while sitting with her, her daughter, Joy (featured in Episode 94), and our younger son, Max (featured in an April 2018 episode), and drinking coffee and eating delicious, fresh-from-the-oven banana bread.
Joy Gabiel, Life Coach
Two of us moved around a lot as kids (Joy and me), and two stayed in the same house and small communities all through their childhood (Max and Twila). That dynamic made for really interesting insights and discussion about what community means, it’s impact on us, and why it’s so important to be intentional about building a diverse community of supporters, challengers, and truth-tellers.
Joy’s perspective is significantly different from the others in the room. As an only child and a more solitary soul, community is critical for her emotional health in a completely different way from those of us who are generally more social creatures. She explained that as a Challenger (Enneagram reference), she isn’t a naturally trusting person, so her comfort zone is being solitary. But with that solitary life, she risks spending far too much time in her own head, which can cause what she called “disintegration”.
Max, Freshman at University of Montana
Max’s perspective leaned toward mine, that a healthy, supportive community becomes the foundation for curiosity and exploration of other communities and environments. He said that his foundational community, the peer group he has stayed close with since preschool and kindergarten, continues to help him feel secure in his exploration outside of that comfort zone.
I hope you enjoy listening to this 100th episode as much as I enjoyed recording it.
2011, Sarah and Twila at one of our many dinner parties with our community
Rocket to Uranus performance at the Silver Dollar Saloon, Butte, with guest vocalist Twila Olson
Today’s 100th episode of Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is sponsored by Uchi.
Uchi is proud to sponsor this milestone 100th episode about Community because uchi, in Japanese, means “in-group” or “inner circle”. The folks at Uchi believe people are yearning to feel closer to others. Not to everyone, but to the people who matter most to them.
Uchi is a free app, available for download on the App Store and Google Play, that helps make conversations easier.
It’s like those cards games where you sit around a table and share answers to questions, but this is online so you can do it anywhere, at any time and with anyone around the world. Community is about people and their relationships to each other. Uchi’s mission is to help people connect authentically with those who matter most to them in order to have more meaningful relationships.
As an official sponsor of the 100th episode of the Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will podcast, Uchi is contributing to Elkins Consulting’s, No Longer Virtual 2020 conference scholarship fund.
Episode 85: What Feels Like Internal Conflicts Are Likely Close Connections
Caroline Mays felt conflicted, almost like she had two completely separate lives. She had her life on the road as an endurance runner, with a group of peers and friends she could share all the aches, pains, and achievements of that sport. And she had her life as a writer, with other writers and friends she could share the disappointments, obstacles, and accomplishments in her work.
Conflicting Personal Stories Uncover Depth of Personality
Caroline Mays felt conflicted, almost like she had two completely separate lives. She had her life on the road as an endurance runner, with a group of peers and friends she could share all the aches, pains, and achievements of that sport. And she had her life as a writer, with other writers and friends she could share the disappointments, obstacles, and accomplishments in her work.
Deadline August 31, 2019!
Don't miss this opportunity to preorder my book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will. I'm offering valuable bonuses for the purchase of multiple copies, including one-to-one storytelling coaching sessions with me!
Click here for more information about the book, and to preorder your copies.
It seemed to her the two pieces of her life were always in conflict; few athletes she knew were professional writers, and few professional writers she knew were athletes.
But as she worked through her own brand theories and intentions, she realized those two parts were not in conflict, they ran in parallels.
Caroline is a writer of bios for professionals, but that doesn't even come close to describing what she does. That would be like saying Meryl Streep is an actress. There is so much more to the art and style Caroline employs to create a unique and compelling bio, in writing and via video storytelling.
Here's her bio, as an example:
To really stand out, we have to know how to share those unique parts of us, the parts that might at first look conflicting or mismatched. The best way to do that is to tell a story that connects us not only within our own lives, but to connect us with others.
Our conversation was broad and deep, and we spoke about everything from her endurance running to the why behind what we do with storytelling for our clients. One thing we agreed strongly about was that people often misunderstand their own stories, sharing them as if they were a linear experience, one thing happens, and then the next, without any context for what we learn and how we grow in between.
Connect with Caroline on LinkedIn to learn more, and check out her company’s website, Switchblade Lemonade, making waves, thanks to that powerful video.
Episode 60: No Such Thing as Coincidence
When We Connect the Dots, We See Purpose in Life and Struggle
Carol Campos doesn't believe in coincidence, but that doesn’t mean she knows exactly why anything actually happens.
But when she looks back at each decision she made, each relationship she spent time nurturing, and each of the choices she made, she can see all of the connections among those choices, bringing her to where she is right now.
From the last couple of years of high school, until she reached a point in a successful career, she followed the path she believed was expected of her. Though she switched gears periodically, and took different steps, she continued to move forward, almost stumbling through her career without real thought or intention.
And then - everything changed. Carol realized she was not only dissatisfied in her career, she didn’t really know how she defined success for herself. So she left her cozy career and took time to really dig into what she wanted, how she defines success, and what she wanted to do next.
So many of us are in transition right now, and with the current workforce shifts, the world of career and professionalism looks completely different from how it looked just five years ago. When we spend time looking back at our patterns, and how each of our choices connects to lead us forward, those transitions become smoother and more comfortable.
Here are a few references from our conversation:
E-Squared, by Pam Grout
Embracing Life Transitions As the New Normal, Podcast episode about transition, restaurant analogy
Elizabeth Gilbert: Flight of the Hummingbird The Curiosity Driven Life, Elizabeth Gilbert
Carol has worked in the corporate world for over 20 years, most recently in a leadership role at a Fortune 10 company. For years she felt that she was meant to do something different, but could never quite put her finger on what that was. For the last 7 years she has immersed herself in classes and workshops, learning about energy healing, meditation, as well as numerous spiritual and holistic topics. In early 2018 she left her corporate job and made the leap into the unknown. What she discovered was that she could combine her extensive business experience with these new, soul-aligned interests. Thus, The Divine Breadcrumb was born!
Carol is a certified Reiki practitioner as well as a certified Angel Card Reader. Most recently she was certified by the HeartMath Institute as an Add-Heart Facilitator, teaching a technique used by thousands of people, including Navy Seals, to achieve heart coherence — a state which greatly improves emotional and physical health.
Carol is passionate about traveling, learning about new cultures and helping people on their own path. She holds a B.A. in Communications from Hofstra University. Carol resides in Massachusetts with her rambunctious rescue cats, Petey and Emmett.