Episode 191: After Happily Ever After, a Novel by Leslie Rasmussen That Hits Home
Leslie Rasmussen didn't intend to write a novel. Her idea was to interview people in their 40s, empty-nesting or nearly empty nesting, in long-term relationships or newly divorced, hearing their stories and finding commonalities in order to write a non-fiction book for people to find comfort in these transitions.
She found so many commonalities that she decided to combine the patterns she was hearing about to write the stories of one fictional family's experience.
This story resonates because it feels so familiar. Every character is familiar, from the teenaged daughter to the high achieving best friend. The primary protagonist is me. She's you. She's your husband or your wife. Though her actions and how she chooses to move through her current situation won't exactly match what you might do, the feelings and circumstances absolutely will.
We Have a Lot More in Common Than We Think
Leslie Rasmussen podcast episode cover art.
Leslie Rasmussen didn't intend to write a novel. Her idea was to interview people in their 40s, empty-nesting or nearly empty nesting, in long-term relationships or newly divorced, hearing their stories and finding commonalities in order to write a non-fiction book for people to find comfort in these transitions.
She found so many commonalities that she decided to combine the patterns she was hearing about to write the stories of one fictional family's experience.
This story resonates because it feels so familiar. Every character is familiar, from the teenaged daughter to the high achieving best friend. The primary protagonist is me. She's you. She's your husband or your wife. Though her actions and how she chooses to move through her current situation won't exactly match what you might do, the feelings and circumstances absolutely will.
Our conversation began with movie trivia... it turns out that Leslie started her career in Los Angeles as an actress. After her cameo appearance in a major film, she had an epiphany about what she really wanted, which was to be involved in filmmaking, but not necessarily as an actress.
Follow Leslie on Facebook, Instagram, and be sure to grab your copy of her book, After Happily Ever After.
From Leslie's website:
Leslie A. Rasmussen was born and raised in Los Angeles, California. She graduated with a bachelors from UCLA in Communications and went on to write television comedies for Gerald McRaney, Burt Reynolds, Roseanne Barr, Norm McDonald, Drew Carey, and Ralph Macchio as well as The Wild Thornberrys and Sweet Valley High. Later, she earned a master’s degree in nutrition and ran her own business for ten years. Most recently, Leslie has written personal essays for online magazines such as Huffington Post, Maria Shriver and Sheknows. Leslie loves dogs and besides having two adorable Labradors, she volunteers at The Burbank Animal Shelter, in Burbank, California. Leslie lives in Los Angeles and has two sons, and a husband she’s been with since college.
This is her debut novel.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 92: Active Listening: The Power of Unlocking the Stories of Others
I love my work. Every client, every group brings new challenges and learning to me. I had an incredible opportunity to work with dependents of National Guardsmen who had been, or were currently deployed. The woman who hired me described the students as resilient, curious, and full of compassion. And when I met them that day, I completely agreed with her assessment. I’ve never worked with a group quite like these teenagers. They were welcoming, warm, and very bright. Every one of them had something to contribute to each conversation I facilitated, when I left, I had more hope than ever for the future of our communities.
Build Trust, Connect, and Deepen Your Relationships
I love my work. Every client, every group brings new challenges and learning to me. I had an incredible opportunity to work with dependents of National Guardsmen who had been, or were currently deployed. The woman who hired me described the students as resilient, curious, and full of compassion. And when I met them that day, I completely agreed with her assessment. I’ve never worked with a group quite like these teenagers. They were welcoming, warm, and very bright. Every one of them had something to contribute to each conversation I facilitated, when I left, I had more hope than ever for the future of our communities.
When we started the workshop, I talked about personal brand, being an ambassador for your people – no matter who you represented at any given time, to any audience. We discussed how we can share specific stories about our experiences in order to demonstrate the qualities we want to demonstrate to an audience, whether that’s a friend, family member, in an interview, or any other situation.
It was the last hour of our time together, and time to focus on listening, rather than sharing.
We were sitting in a large circle on white folding chairs, 12 teenagers between 13 and 17 years old, talking about storytelling and active listening.
I had described some of the techniques I use for active listening, like repeating words back to people to make sure I understand them, leaning forward, and making sure my body language is open and approachable, but I knew a demonstration would be more effective for the group.
Turning my chair to face the boy sitting to my right, a shy athlete with his arms crossed over his chest, I started to ask him questions. I leaned forward slightly, my hands relaxed on my lap. I was fully present, and as I started the conversation, my full attention was on him, the others just faded away for me.
“I know you love sports, and that you’ve had some great moments playing baseball and football. What else do you do?”
“Not much. Hang out with friends, I guess.”
“Do you have a dog?”
“Yes.”
“What’s your dog’s name?”
“Henry.”
Australian Shepherd/Lab Mix: Aussiedor
“Henry! What a great name for a dog. What is his breed?”
“He’s an Australian Shephard/lab mix.”
“I bet he’s really sweet. How do you spend time with him? Walks? Snuggles?”
“We walk together almost every day.” He smiled subtly, just the edges of his lips turning upward.
“I’ll bet you really love Henry and he loves you! Did you get him as a puppy, or did you adopt him?”
“We got him when he was only 8 weeks old.”
“Oh, how sweet. Was he super snuggly with you back then?”
“Yes.”
“Do you miss his snuggly puppy days?”
He smiled sweetly this time, an obvious grin at the memory of Henry as a puppy. That’s when his hands dropped into his lap, relaxed.
“I love puppies, even though they’re a lot of work. Did you train Henry to do any tricks?
“Yes, he’s really smart. One time I taught him to...”
He went on, sharing a story of how he trained his dog to do a trick. We wrapped up the conversation, and I turned my chair to face the rest of the group.
“Anyone notice what happened there?”
Almost immediately, and almost in unison, the teens said:
“Yes! He put his hands down from crossing them across his chest! He dropped his hands into his lap.”
I couldn’t have planned a better demonstration of the power of active listening, and that audience immediately understood that power when they saw the shift in their friend’s body language. They had spent a lot of time with him but hadn’t heard the story of how he trained his dog to do a trick.
If we want to truly connect with a person, we have to help them feel safe. One of the best ways to do that is to open our body language and ask questions to draw out stories.
Welcome to the Real World
"Have fun, welcome to the real world!" As if your life as you know it, the here and now, isn't somehow the REAL WORLD?
Our older son is getting ready to graduate from high school. It has not been an easy road for him. We spent a lot of time and money over the years at office supply stores, trying to find tools to help him stay organized and on top of things. Nothing really worked, and as a result, his grades were never stellar. To add to his level of stress over the past few years, our family has experienced a lot of grief, the loss of both of his grandfathers, his step-grandfather, and a very close family friend, all within 3 years. After our most recent loss, a musician who spent a lot of time in our house, I asked how he was feeling:
"I'm ok, mom. I guess I'm just sort of numb at this point."
When people talk about his graduation and the beginning of his "real world" experience, I bristle.
I remember when I was graduating from high school and people said: "Have fun, welcome to the real world!" I also remember being in college and people dismissed my frustrations with comments like "just wait until you get into the REAL WORLD."
It was as if life as I knew it, those years of struggle and growth, somehow didn't qualify as the REAL WORLD.
I can't be the only one who remembers those tween and teen years like they were yesterday. It's not just memories of things that happened or things I did; I have vivid, painful and wonderful memories of how I felt. Those feelings were real. Those struggles were real, some of them more real and more impactful than many experiences since then. Those difficult times, those triumphs and perceived failures were very real to me and continue to shape who I am and who I want to be in the future.
Can you honestly say those years didn't somehow change you? That the personal discoveries and dysfunctional relationships, those physical changes didn't have an impact on who you are today?
The real world is whatever we are experiencing at any given time. I can appreciate that as a young child and teenager my worries were significantly different from the adults around me, but they weren't insignificant. I didn't have to go to a job I might not like for 40+ hours each week; I didn't have to buy my own groceries, toilet paper, and laundry detergent, and I didn't have to worry about rent or mortgage or savings.
My real world then was filled with mean girls, difficult relationships, being a mediocre student (at best), and all the drama that comes with the hormonal fluctuations of a teenager. I wouldn't go back -- there's absolutely no way I would go back to those years.
In different stages of life, I remember observing people older than me and wondering what I would be like at that point in my life. In other stages in my life, I observe people younger than I am, and remember so much of what I was like, what I thought, how I felt, how I behaved. It gives me perspective and helps to remind me to not judge others; I can't possibly know what they're going through, what shaped them.
Maybe if we recognize that each individual has stories that shape us, from toddlers to adults, and that each story is relevant at every point in our lives, we can develop a better sense of how to help each other.
What do you think? Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager and young adult? Did those years feel like real life to you?