Episode 195: The Shame Doctor's Gift
John Dunia didn’t become the Shame Doctor overnight. His journey from a junior high kid discovering his love for music to releasing his first book took years, and the struggle of his 22-year-old marriage falling apart was a catalyst in his personal growth and professional career shift.
He found writing his novel was a time to self-reflect and contemplate the experiences that brought him to where he is today, and believed that sharing those experiences could guide others to find relief from self-doubt and anger.
Stories of Shame and How it Differs from Guilt
John Dunia image and quote podcast cover art
John Dunia didn’t become the Shame Doctor overnight. His journey from a junior high kid discovering his love for music to releasing his first book took years, and the struggle of his 22-year-old marriage falling apart was a catalyst in his personal growth and professional career shift.
He found writing his novel was a time to self-reflect and contemplate the experiences that brought him to where he is today, and believed that sharing those experiences could guide others to find relief from self-doubt and anger.
The moments that sparked the passion in John’s life are something we all have encountered whether we realize it or not.
John Dunia book cover image and quote for podcast cover art
For John, one of those moments was listening to Switched-on-Bach in high school, an encounter that changed the course of his life. For John, different experiences, from meeting with a therapist to listening to his friend’s older brother’s music, influenced the way he perceived the world.
Today’s podcast episode starts with John’s stories about being a band teacher. This is the beginning to the discussion about John’s life and the moments that brought him clarity.
About John:
John Dunia is the author of “Shame on Me”, a Principle at Shamedoctor.com, and a public speaker helping others find their purpose. John is also an ambassador for HumansFirst, a featured writer & columnist for BIZCATALYST 360°, and a sales representative for several companies.
John attended California State University with a Bachelor’s degree in Music Performance. He also attended Pasadena City College.
Visit John's website, take his self assessment, and follow John on LinkedIn and Facebook to learn more!
*podcast show notes contributed by Tracy Ackeret
ABOUT SARAH:
Image of Sarah Elkins and her dog, Toby, with Elkins Consulting logo and StrengthsFinder logo
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 183: Some Stories Are Meant to Be Told... Differently
Her life didn't start with unicorns and butterflies, and like many people who grow up without, she didn't really know it until school years when the comparison game began... seeing other girls with new, trendy clothes and all the accessories made her keenly aware of what she didn't have.
It's Not the Same Old Story with Lisa Caprelli
183 podcast cover art Lisa Caprelli image and quote
Her life didn't start with unicorns and butterflies, and like many people who grow up without, she didn't really know it until her high school years when the comparison games began. Seeing other girls with new, trendy clothes and all the accessories made her keenly aware of what she didn't have.
She knew there was more for her, and when a mentor saw her for the curious, ambitious, intelligent young woman she was, Lisa's natural talents were nurtured and expanded.
When she decided it was time to leave Texas and make her way to the beaches of southern California, people told her she was crazy, that she'd fail, and that she'd waste precious money and time trying to be something she wasn't. She didn't listen, thank goodness, because over the past 10 years, she has made significant, high impact, positive contributions to our communities, like her multiple best selling children's books, an Amazon TV series, and a successful marketing business.
Lisa did what others saw as impossible.
183 podcast cover art Lisa Caprelli quote
What makes Lisa so good at what she does? What motivated her to find her path? Listen to this episode of Your Stories Don't Define You to find out!
Visit Lisa's website to learn more about her work, and check out her children's book series, Unicorn Jazz. Be sure to follow her on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to keep up with the great content she shares.
ABOUT SARAH:
Image of Sarah Elkins with promo language: ”story sharing coaching for leaders”
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
Audiobook promotional cover art
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 182: Do You Have a Personal Story Portfolio?
"I just don't think that way - in a linear timeline of events. I read your book, but I couldn't start collecting my stories, even when I tried to use the exercises and worksheets you provided."
Mary was getting ready for a series of interviews, and she knew preparing a few personal stories would be critical to truly engaging her interviewers and their audiences.
How to Collect Your Stories For Every Audience
Episode 182 podcast cover art with quote & image of Sarah Elkins
"I just don't think that way - in a linear timeline of events. I read your book, but I couldn't start collecting my stories, even when I tried to use the exercises and worksheets you provided."
Mary was getting ready for a series of interviews, and she knew preparing a few personal stories would be critical to truly engaging her interviewers and their audiences.
Page 133 of the book, Your Stories Don’t Define You
When I started as a communication coach, my intention was to guide people toward useful self-reflection. That's the only way to be a good communicator, you have to know yourself, understand your role in miscommunication, and be aware of how you're being perceived by the people around you.
It's not about being a chameleon, changing who you are based on the person you're speaking with, it's about being intentional about what you want as the result of any interaction, and making adjustments in how you present information so you're more likely to be understood - and to understand.
I use storytelling as the foundation of my work because the stories people tell - and how they tell them - say a lot about who they are, how they think, and where they're getting in their own way.
After two sessions, Mary was getting frustrated at her inability to recall key parts of her life with any detail. She struggled with the structure I created in the book and felt like it was her failure in memory that was causing the problem.
At the beginning of our third session, I had a moment of clarity.
"Tell me about someone who was in your life briefly, and had a profound impact on you."
She immediately recalled a professor she struggled with during her master's degree program.
"What did he look like? Can you see him now, can you imagine he's in front of you?"
"Where would you have had a conversation with him? Put yourself there."
"When you think of a time you sat in that place with him, what is the conversation you're having?"
Suddenly a world opened up in front of us. My client had a vivid memory of a pivotal conversation she had with the professor. She recalled where they were standing, what had happened in the hours before, and exactly what happened in the days following.
It was a powerful memory and an incredible story.
Book cover image, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will
The book Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will includes worksheets and exercises to guide readers to begin collecting stories in a story portfolio. The intention is to have a variety of stories ready to use at an appropriate time, with an appropriate audience.
The worksheets begin by asking about particular eras in the reader's life, a broad description like: "First year out of high school", "the year my father died", "my engagement and first year of marriage."
As the reader continues through the book, they're asked to recall certain pivotal moments within those eras, like a particular adventure or situation they experienced right after they graduated from high school, maybe a car accident or moving into the dormitory for their freshman year of college. The worksheets guide the reader to dig into those memories to uncover details about where they were, who was with them, and what made the moment scary, enlightening, exciting, awesome...
Working with Mary made me realize there are many other ways to collect these stories, and that some people don't think in such a linear way to be able to pick out eras as being pivotal parts of their lives.
At the end of our third session, I asked Mary to do some homework prior to our next appointment.
"Write down the names of two other people who had major influence on your life. Not your parents or direct family members - yet. Think about both positive and negative experiences, I know I have some unhappy, challenging memories of particular people who had influence on who I am today, for better or for worse."
She came back to our next session eager to begin, and we uncovered three more great stories for her portfolio.
Mary was ready for more homework.
"This week, jot down a few locations, places you visited or lived, that you know now were meaningful to you. Think about your first apartment, or maybe a house you lived in for a short time, but where important things happened when you lived there."
Our sessions from that point forward were full of energy, memories, and incredible discussions about her experiences with particular people and in particular locations.
By our sixth session together, she had a portfolio full of great story ideas, and she was ready to start fleshing them out into stories to practice telling in person, to prepare for the interviews she had scheduled, and to write as blog posts to share.
But we weren't done yet.
Now that she had great story ideas, it was time to categorize them so she'd have a better idea of when to share them!
We worked through her StrengthFinder results and discussed what was important to her in terms of how she was perceived, especially for the upcoming interviews.
Mary said: "I want to be known as reliable, knowledgable and competent in my field, and as someone with a sense of humor."
Slowly and carefully, we reviewed the many stories in her collection and categorized them:
These demonstrate my reliability.
These demonstrate my sense of humor.
This story demonstrates my knowledge in my field.
There were some that crossed multiple categories, of course.
Having this structure gave her confidence, particularly as we uncovered specific work-related stories that, instead of saying "I'm reliable!", she could share one that demonstrated her reliability. It no longer felt like bragging, it felt like a story, complete with an obstacle, other characters, a specific project, a location, and a successful conclusion.
As any author will tell you, I never really thought Your Stories Don't Define You was complete. If I hadn't made certain promises, it might never have been published. I always found changes I wanted to make and additions that would make it better.
But I remember reading the story portfolio instructions and reviewing the worksheets and thinking they were good, they were ready for readers to use.
They're still good, and many readers have found them to be a great start for their own story portfolios, but I suppose if I had it to do again, I might consider a few other options beyond starting with general eras in a lifetime.
If you're collecting stories for your story portfolio, remember that there isn't just one way to do anything. Use the tools that work for you. The important part is that you realize how your stories can influence your internal messages and the perceptions of others, and that you're beginning to collect them.
And when you have one of your own "ah ha!" moments with one of these vivid memories, I hope you'll reach out and let me know.
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ABOUT SARAH:
Elkins Consulting logo plus image of Sarah Elkins with dog and Gallup StrengthsFinder Coach logo
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
Audiobook cover promo art
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 180: When You Question Everything, You Can't Help But Create Your Own Path
Laura DiBenedetto goes down rabbit holes regularly, exploring random thoughts that drive her deeply into a variety of questions, leading her to nowhere and everywhere. Her curiosity is what drives her, what has always driven her to question authority, traditional roles, and beliefs. She is one of those people who has always marched to the beat of her own drum, who has chosen whatever path looked less traveled.
What Stories Created Your Most Powerful Personal Narratives?
Laura DiBenedetto goes down rabbit holes regularly, exploring random thoughts that drive her deeply into a variety of questions, leading her to nowhere and everywhere.
Laura DiBenedetto episode 180 podcast cover art
Her curiosity is what drives her, what has always driven her to question authority, traditional roles, and beliefs. She is one of those people who has always marched to the beat of her own drum, who has chosen whatever path looked less traveled.
Her book is a result of her curiosity, her sense of wonder about what happiness is all about, and why some people are happy and others struggle in their search for it.
Our conversation began with a question about whether and how the name we're given impacts our personalities, and continued down the path of personal identity and how it's shaped.
Laura's TEDx caught my attention, and her book of the same title, The Six Habits of the Happiest People made me want to invite her to be a guest on this podcast.
Laura DiBenedetto episode 180 podcast cover art
She is full of energy and ambition in her legacy of guiding others toward happiness, whatever the definition at any piont in their lives.
When you've heard how she got to where she is, you'll want to connect with her on LinkedIn, follow her on Instagram and Facebook, and grab a copy of her book.
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TEDx Speaker, #1 Bestselling author of The Six Habitsand Life Mastery Coach, Laura DiBenedetto teaches how to create the life of our dreams without sacrificing what we love. As Founder and CEO of Vision Advertising, a company that she built aged 19, she has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs build and grow profitable enterprises entirely on their terms.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home. The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 178: Do Personalities Change? Can We Change Our Personality Intentionally?
Christian Jarrett remembers being interested in psychology as a young teenager. It was when he applied to be a stocker at a grocery store when he was 16 that he became even more eager to learn about why people do what they do, and whether people's personalities change over time.
At the Tesco store near his home in the UK, his application was accepted and he went on for the personality assessment, which he failed.
Christian Jarrett, Author of Be Who You Want, Says Yes!
Christian Jarrett quote, podcast cover art
Christian Jarrett remembers being interested in psychology as a young teenager. It was when he applied to be a stocker at a grocery store when he was 16 that he became even more eager to learn about why people do what they do, and whether people's personalities change over time.
At the Tesco store near his home in the UK, his application was accepted and he went on for the personality assessment, which he failed.
He took it again a few weeks later, thinking he might be able to answer the questions to show he was really a team player, outgoing and friendly. He failed again.
A third opportunity arrived, and this time he answered the questions with the intention of coming across as a lone wolf, a solitary person who could really focus and get the job done. He failed again.
This incident made him even more curious about personality, not just how it changes over time, he was curious whether we could change our personality intentionally.
Christian Jarrett book cover, quote on podcast cover art
I reached out to Christian after my husband shared his article with me, The Way You Tell Your Story Shapes Your Personality. It was exactly what I needed to read as I was writing my book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will.
When I reached out to interview him in May of 2019, he was working on his book, in the middle of a move, and changing jobs, and promised to get in touch with me for a podcast interview when things settled down.
This episode fulfilled the promise, and boy was it worth the wait.
Christian's book is confirmation of much of my work with clients and teams over the past 5+ years, my work is the practical, individual, intentional application of what Dr. Jarrett researched and wrote about in the book.
I couldn't be more grateful for our time together as we recorded this episode, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
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From his website:
Dr. Christian Jarrett, Author of Be Who You Want: Unlocking the Science of Personality Change
Dr. Christian Jarrett, Deputy Editor, Aeon+Psyche
A cognitive neuroscientist by training, Christian was the founding editor of the British Psychological Society’s Research Digest and an award-winning journalist on The Psychologist magazine. His books include The Rough Guide to Psychology, 30-Second Psychology and Great Myths of the Brain. His next, Be Who You Want: Unlocking the Science of Personality Change, was released and available in the US in May 2021. Christian will never forget holding a human brain in his hands as part of a neuroanatomy class, the grey mass so heavy as if filled still with memories and dreams. Find him on Twitter @Psych_Writer.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
Sarah Elkins quote
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home. The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 177: The Art of Caring Leadership: What Stories Do They Tell About You?
Heather Younger's book, The Art of Caring Leadership, offers 9 key aspects to consider, and a free assessment to quantify what appear to be qualifying character traits.
What I love about the book is that the expectation isn't for every leader to be caring in the same way. Heather knows that each of us must be true to ourselves in how we lead, while being self-reflective enough to know when we're getting in our own way, and making gradual, consistent adjustments when necessary.
Heather Younger Demonstrates Care In Everything She Does
How do you describe a caring leader?
Podcast cover art with image of Heather Younger
Heather Younger's book, The Art of Caring Leadership, offers 9 key aspects to consider, and a free assessment to quantify what appear to be qualifying character traits. And to make the book and assessment even more actionable, Heather has created a free community site for people to exchange ideas, ask questions, and share experiences.
What I love about the book is that the expectation isn't for every leader to be caring in the same way. Heather knows that each of us must be true to ourselves in how we lead, while being self-reflective enough to know when we're getting in our own way, and making gradual, consistent adjustments when necessary.
Our conversation might just be what you're looking for to get you thinking about what kind of leader you are, where you can improve, and why it matters.
Heather Younger, Author of The Art of Caring Leadership
Heather Younger is a best-selling author, international speaker, consultant, adjunct organizational leadership professor, and facilitator who has earned her reputation as “The Employee Whisperer.” Her experiences as an entrepreneur, manager, attorney, writer, coach, listener, speaker, collaborator, and mother all lend themselves to a laser-focused clarity into what makes employees of organizations and companies—large and small—tick.
ABOUT SARAH:
Elkins Consulting image of Sarah and book cover
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
Audiobook promo image
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home. The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 176: Her Brave Journey, a Book by Swati Singh
Based on a collection of true stories from a variety of women, Swati Singh's Her Brave Journey is a fictional tale, bringing them together as if one woman experienced it, offering a deeper exploration of how each experience shapes a woman living through abuse, emotional transformation, and eventually discovering her strength and resilience.
Our Stories Shift with Each Telling of Them
Based on a collection of true stories from a variety of women, Swati Singh's Her Brave Journey is a fictional tale, bringing them together as if one woman experienced it, offering a deeper exploration of how each experience shapes a woman living through abuse, emotional transformation, and eventually discovering her strength and resilience.
“Each of us looks at the world through our own cultural lens, molded by parenting, education, economics, politics, religion, and personality. This is a book of profound hardship buffeted by the drive to survive, a rocky journey to a destination of kindness, generosity, and forgiveness… met with success by a brave, intelligent, and strong woman. A hero of her time.” ~ Editors of Her Brave Journey
It's not uncommon for an author to take real life experiences and build a book around them, but to do it in an authentic, powerful voice is uncommon.
Our conversation began as most episodes do, when Swati answered my question about something people might not know about her, something not on her bio or LinkedIn profile. Her answer was unique and somewhat surprising: She worked for her local police department when she was in high school.
Having that experience brought her a completely different perspective and shaped how she saw herself and her place in the world.
Swati mentioned that when she looks back at who she was at that time, it surprises her that she got the job - and even more that she would have even applied for it. She was shy, quiet, and avoided socializing outside of her normal routine.
"I think I underestimate my younger self sometimes."
The conversation took a surprising turn at that, with a deep discussion about how we see our younger selves, and the warped perspective we have of ourselves when we look back.
People who knew us in our younger years would most likely look at us now and say: "Oh yes, you always had this in you, you just didn't know it yet."
To learn more about Swati Singh and to order her book, visit her website, follow her on Instagram, and connect with her on LinkedIn.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home. The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.