Episode 166: Compare and Contrast Doesn't Always Mean Compete
How many times have you listened to a story and wanted to jump in, interrupt, to share a story of your own? Is it because you think your story is better, more meaningful or entertaining? Is it because you want to connect with the person and you know finding something in common is a good way to do that?
When I read a recent article by my friend Tom Dietzler, and he posed those questions in the context of a story he listened to, I was intrigued and reached out to ask him to chat about that on a podcast episode.
Your Story Matters, But Not More Than Someone Else's
Tom Dietzler quote and image.
How many times have you listened to a story and wanted to jump in, interrupt, to share a story of your own? Is it because you think your story is better, more meaningful or entertaining? Is it because you want to connect with the person and you know finding something in common is a good way to do that?
When I read a recent article by my friend Tom Dietzler, and he posed those questions in the context of a story he listened to, I was intrigued and reached out to ask him to chat about that on a podcast episode.
ON FIRES, HISTORY, AND JUST LISTENING … told the story about Tom's deep dive into a 4 part series hosted by Lindsay Graham (not the Senator) on the The Great Chicago Fire of 1871.
As he listened to the details of the beginning of the fire, and even into the second part of the series, Tom desperately wanted to interject, to remind the narrator that there was another fire with even more fatalities and larger footprint at the same time, just 250 miles north of Chicago, in Peshtigo, Wisconsin.
It took him a while to even realize he was doing this, but when he did, he had to take a step back to figure out why. And that's the reason I wanted to chat with him.
When we listen to a story, it's easy for our own similar or related stories to pop into our heads. But what do we miss when we are too busy thinking of what we'll say next to contribute to the conversation?
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Tom Dietzler is a contributing writer for the award winning platform BizCatalyst 360. Connect with him on LinkedIn to receive notifications of his new posts!
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Sarah & her dog, Toblerone on Mt. Helena, Helena, Montana
ABOUT SARAH:
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 154: What Can We Say, What Questions Can We Ask to Help Us Understand Each Other?
Desiree Adaway is no stranger to being the only black person in a room, or even in an entire community.
At 16, while skipping class, she saw an ad in the back of a magazine about exchange student programs and applied, signing her mother’s name on the application, the passport application, and all other necessary documents.
Stories of Racism, and the Importance of Acknowledging Each Other’s Experiences
Desiree Adaway is no stranger to being the only black person in a room, or even in an entire community.
At 16, while skipping class, she saw an ad in the back of a magazine about exchange student programs and applied, signing her mother’s name on the application, the passport application, and all other necessary documents.
She was accepted into the program, but had to decline the invitation because she knew her mother couldn’t afford it. The program administrator found a sponsor, and Desiree started packing - before ever talking to her mother.
Desiree didn’t want to go to Germany. She felt a deep need to go, like she would suffocate if she didn’t go.
Arriving in Germany, she was placed with a host family in a tiny town where she was the only person with dark brown skin within more than a 500 mile radius. Her peers touched her skin and hair, stared at her, she felt like an animal at the zoo. And that was only the beginning.
Throughout school and career, she had many of these experiences, including being the only black person at board meetings, management team events. She lost track of the number of times strangers have reached out without hesitation, much less asking to touch her hair, her skin, one woman at a market hugged her as if she had no ownership of her own body. People have had an outrageous sense of entitlement to touch her. This may not seem like a big deal, but when you put this entitlement into the context of the history of the enslavement of dark skinned people, you might begin to understand.
This part of her story particularly resonated with me because of my experiences as a pregnant woman. Strangers would randomly reach out to touch my belly - and I know this is a common experience during pregnancy. It’s absurd.
Our conversation here is rich with experiences, stories to open eyes to the many different ways racism is experienced in a variety of environments.
The highlight for me was when I asked Desiree about a positive experience when a white person acknowledged racism, acknowledged the beauty of diversity as opposed to pretending to be “color blind.”
She said that her business partner, early in their relationship, pulled her aside and said these words:
One day my whiteness will betray me and I’m going to make a mistake. What will we do to move through that?
The extraordinary thing about how Desiree told me this is that she turned it around and applied that sentiment to herself. She acknowledged that at some point she will fall into that trap as well, potentially with gender identity issues and other parts of humanity that she’s unfamiliar.
If we want to address inequity and racism, we must acknowledge it as it exists for those who experience it.
If you’re ready to take action as a human, you don’t have to make huge gestures. You must notice when micro-aggressions happen, and if you miss it and someone points it out to you, do not dismiss the concern. Ask about it, find out why it’s so insulting, demeaning, why the action or words are symbols of racism and bigotry.
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Desiree Adaway is a consultant, trainer, coach and speaker building resilient, equitable, and inclusive organizations. She holds a vision for people’s lives, workplaces and communities until they can hold it for themselves. Learn more by visiting her website, connect with her on LinkedIn, and be sure to follow her on your favorite social media platforms: Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
Episode 153: Humans are Complicated! Stories of Life, Discovery, and Ambition
"People's lives are largely a product of the decisions they make."
The theme throughout this conversation is self-reflection. When we understand ourselves, and can reflect on how we're showing up to the people and environment around us, we can make decisions in alignment with our ideals, our ideal vision of who we want to be and how we want to be.
When You Are Driven to Know More, You Make it Happen
Curiosity. Intelligence. Compassion. Ambition.
These are the words that popped into my head the first time I met Kristin Sherry. We spoke about how she started with the development of her hugely successful YouMap book and program, and I knew I was in the company of someone incredibly thoughtful, who was inspired to truly guide people to find their best fit in life and career.
"People's lives are largely a product of the decisions they make."
The theme throughout this conversation is self-reflection. When we understand ourselves, and can reflect on how we're showing up to the people and environment around us, we can make decisions in alignment with our ideals, our ideal vision of who we want to be and how we want to be.
We spoke about assessment tools like CliftonStrengths (StrengthsFinder), DiSC, Enneagram, and Kristin's tool, YouMap, and how the results can help us identify the most natural, instinctive ways our brains work. Which, surprisingly enough, is complicated.
There isn't one all-inclusive, perfect tool to describe who we are, how we think, what motivates us, and what choices we make every day. Not only are we complicated beings with far too many neural connections made in our incredible brains, add to that complexity the fact that we are constantly changing, adjusting our views through experiences and stimulants.
I love the way Kristin thinks about these things, the way she sees people in a multi-dimensional way, not flat, and she uses her vision to guide people to make choices that will eventually bring them to their best environments and roles so they can contribute beauty and competence to their communities, no matter where they sit.
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Learn more about Kristin by visiting her website, order her recently published children's book, You've Got Gifts! and be sure to preorder her new self-development book, Maximize 365: A year of actionable tips to transform your life.
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About Sarah:
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 150: If You Dream of It, Work for It, and Make It Happen, Is it Still Magic?
Meg Nocero worked as a prosecuting attorney for 20 years. She saw every kind of human in that work, and yes, after a while the job might have contributed to trust issues.
You Can Tell Yourself a Story of Magic, of Resilience, of Persistence, and It Will Happen
Meg Nocero worked as a prosecuting attorney for 20 years. She saw every kind of human in that work, and yes, after a while the job might have contributed to trust issues.
But when she lost her mom, she felt like a corner of the foundation of her home started to crumble, causing a sense of imbalance, of instability.
Her counselor suggested that she start writing about all of what her mom left her - the legacy she left in her wisdom and stories. What started as a coping strategy turned into a blog with a big audience, and then into a book, The Magical Guide to Bliss.
Meg as a contestant on The Price is Right
That book became the renewed cornerstone for her foundation, stabilizing her home, and rebuilding her sense of self, her resilience and strength.
This is it, a dream come true! Meg spins the $1.00 on the big wheel!
Our conversation was full of laughs, beginning with Meg's hilarious story of being a contestant on The Price is Right while traveling to California as a celebratory trip after graduating from college.
If you're wondering what I mean when I say Meg is magical, you'll definitely want to listen in.
Sparkle & Shine Mantra #50, as read on the podcast.
Another dream becoming reality, standing on stage with Oprah.
You’ll hear how Meg managed her magic to end up on stage with Oprah Winfrey, and the story of leaving her job as a prosecutor to start her own business, helping other women take a similar leap - and to find their own magic.
To learn more about Meg and her work, check out the links below:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/meg-nocero-esq-686b8715/
https://www.facebook.com/meggiebliss
instagram- @megnocero
twitter- @megnocero
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCati3jiHnBi5ym6z8Pcu5iQ?view_as=subscriber
Meg Nocero, Esq. is an attorney (former federal prosecutor) inspirational speaker, certified empowerment coach and award winning author of The Magical Guide to Bliss, Daily Keys to Unlock Your Dreams, Spirit & Inner Bliss. She holds a BA in Spanish, with a concentration in Italian from Boston College; a MA in International Affairs from the University of Miami; and a JD from St. Thomas University School of Law. Ms. Nocero is the owner of Butterflies & Bliss, LLC, founded a non-profit called S.H.I.N.E. Networking Inc. that provides educational scholarships to young innovative leaders, and is a Love Button Global Movement Ambassador.
She published her book Sparkle & Shine, 108 M.A.N.T.R.A.s to Brighten Your Day and Lighten Your Way in October 2020. Her memoir called Butterfly Awakens: A Memoir of Transformation Through Grief will be published by She Writes Press in September 2021.She is a contributing writer for the collaboration entitled Price of Greatness, Thrive Girl Thrive and a contributing author for Amy Butler’s book Blossom: Create Love-Express Beauty-Be Kind released in January 2016 in addition to her on-line magazine of the same name.
About Sarah:
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will, will be released in mid-November, and for a limited time, the ebook is just $0.99!
As a special bonus for listeners, the book will include two songs recorded by my band, Spare Change, in my living room in Montana. Keep an eye out for announcements through LinkedIn and via my Elkins Consulting Facebook & Instagram pages, or visit my website to learn more.
Episode 141: Asking the Right Questions is the Key to Great Listening
Joey Held's background is broadcast journalism, and as he has continued in his career in writing, sales, and a variety of other jobs, that background has served him well. After all, being able to ask the right questions at the right time simply opens doors.
He's a very curious guy, especially about people and the way their minds work.
A Recovering Journalist Cannot Help But Continue to Collect Stories
Joey Held's background is broadcast journalism, and as he has continued in his career in writing, sales, and a variety of other jobs, that background has served him well. After all, being able to ask the right questions at the right time simply opens doors.
He's a very curious guy, especially about people and the way their minds work.
Joey hosts a podcast, Good People, Cool Things, and is probably one of the best interviewers I've experienced. He hosted me to chat about my book, and I was completely enamored with him within five minutes of our conversation.
Highlights from this episode:
Joey's experience as a karaoke host (he knows at least 500 songs!)
How performance is different from just singing on stage
Difficult interviews, how Joey gets people to open up when they really aren't excited about being interviewed (hint: tone of voice matters!)
What to do and what not to to when calling someone out for saying something insulting
Calvin & Hobbs still holds up, 25 years later
Asking about the worst gig a musician had can open up all kinds of opportunities for connection and fun stories
During our conversation, Joey asked me about the worst gig I remember, and I told him about a not-so-great performance of the National Anthem, which I wrote about here. In response, Joey shared the story of this performance of the National Anthem (Maurice Cheeks, coach of the Portland Trailblazers comes to the rescue of this lovely singer):
During this conversation, I mentioned Brene Brown’s reference to the Theodore Roosevelt quote about the man in the arena, here’s the article.
Connect with Joey on LinkedIn, visit his website to see all the outstanding services he provides, and be sure to follow him on Twitter.
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Sarah Elkins loves to guide individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.
Episode 130: I Will Not Meet Hate at the Door, Lessons of Love and Forgiveness
What's really significant about Heather's words is that she backs them up with real action and and her behavior absolutely brings that message home. She chooses love, learning, and personal growth in response to the adversity she experienced as a child and young adult.
Stories of Love and Learning Through Adversity
Heather’s TEDx Colorado Springs - Transforming Adversity into Opportunity
Heather Younger is no stranger to adversity. Born to a white, Jewish mother and a black father, her mother's family was less than welcoming, and Heather grew up without any contact with the majority of that family.
What's really significant about Heather's words is that she backs them up with real action and and her behavior absolutely brings that message home. She chooses love, learning, and personal growth in response to the adversity she experienced as a child and young adult.
Now is the time for us to amplify messages like Heather's, to listen closely to her stories not to get angry or frustrated, but to learn how to hold space for learning and compassion for those who mistreat us.
Heather and I connected early in my LinkedIn activity, and we've had the opportunity to spend real time together - in person. She was one of the first to sign on to participate in the inaugural No Longer Virtual event in 2017, and hasn't missed and #NLV since.
I'm so grateful for her friendship, support, and incredibly inspiring way she speaks, lives, and loves.
Learn more about Heather by connecting with her on LinkedIn, visit her website, subscribe to her podcast, and be sure to watch her outstanding TEDx talk. You can also order her best selling book, 7 Intuitive Laws of Employee Loyalty on Amazon.