426: Ending the Cycle of Family Trauma Featuring Sharon Weinstein
426: Ending the Cycle of Family Trauma Featuring Sharon Weinstein
"How did you ever come out of that household? How did you ever evolve into who you are and what you've become from that background?"
We met in Washington DC at the final competition for the People's Choice speaker for the next TEDxUStreetWomen event scheduled on November 3, 2025. And when she won the coveted spot, all of us were thrilled. She earned it.
In this episode we discussed her TEDx talk, "Think Differently to be Unstoppable", the use of the 4W framework to reframe personal trauma into recovery and growth. She shared insightful, powerful stories of how she modeled what she wanted to see in her children and family to end the cycle of family trauma.
We also discussed her new book, Harmony by Design, replacing the concept of balance with a work and life integration.
If you're curious to hear the story of that 18-month competition, listen to episode 421 featuring Kuti Mack.
Highlights:
4W Framework
Where am I? Assess your current reality, take inventory with honesty and clarity.
What if...? Brainstorm different approaches and potential outcomes.
What WOWs? Identify ideal outcomes given current resources. What is the best case scenario?
What works? Find sustainable, repeatable solutions. Take small steps.
Sharon's soccer story, choosing to start an adult women's league without any experience, so her children could see her trying something uncomfortable and new, and so she could be more aware of what her children were experiencing.
Quote:
"...And sometimes the biggest question that I get from them is, 'how did you ever come out of that household? How did you ever evolve into who you are and what you've become from that background?' They say it to me all the time. 'Are you sure you weren't adopted?'"
Watch Sharon's recently published TEDx!
About Sharon:
A global nursing leader, TEDx speaker, and advocate for personal transformation who empowers others to rethink what's possible and turn adversity into strength. A Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), she's an award-winning healthcare innovator and author. Founder of SMW Group and the #FromCrisistoCapacity framework, she develops nurse leaders and strengthens teams and organizations through resilience, stress reduction, and human performance.
Visit, follow, and connect:
LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, website.
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About Sarah
Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team’s results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other’s “language”, learning to value each other’s strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.
Sarah’s nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness.
Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.
333 Communal Growth
In life we all put aside something when life becomes to busy, maybe it was a hobby you used to enjoy, or a new project you swear you’re going to get to you just need to finish this other thing first, or maybe it’s a skill from your childhood like playing the flute that you decided to put away because of limitations or self intimidation. But that’s the great thing about life, we have all the time in the world to pick back up those things and enjoy them again.
In this episode Sarah Elkins and D’Vaughn Hayes discuss the importance of giving yourself grace when you are trying to pick up something new, the importance and value of encouraging another to do the same, and how through these experiences we grow into stronger and happier individuals.
Episode 333 Communal Growth
In life we all put aside something when life becomes too busy, maybe it was a hobby you used to enjoy, or a new project you swear you’re going to get to - you just need to finish this other thing first. Or maybe it’s a skill from your childhood like playing the flute that you decided to put away because of limitations or self intimidation. But that’s the great thing about life, we have all the time in the world to pick those things back up and enjoy them again.
In this episode Sarah Elkins and D’Vaughn Hayes discuss the importance of giving yourself grace when you’re trying to pick up something new, the importance and value of encouraging another to do the same, and how through these experiences we grow into stronger and happier individuals.
Highlights
The universe brings us together in strange and amazing ways.
The importance of music in our lives and how it comes back during times in our life when we need it most.
It’s okay if it takes time for you to pick up something you want to do or if you aren’t good at it immediately. It takes time.
The self-fulfillment of helping another grow.
Quotes
“The sales just makes sense because it’s ‘Hey you have this issue or this problem with your organization, I’ve got this really great solution and makes sense, let’s move forward. Everybody’s happy.’ Of course it benefits me and my bottom line and the income I bring into my family, so you get some warm and fuzzies there. But the real impact for me is what I do to help other people get to where they want to be, to help them share their stories, or to watch them grow right in front of my eyes. To the person that they didn’t think they could be when we first met and just to watch that process is incredible.”
“That’s not a good thing, as a community for your youth to grow up thinking that and believing that (there are no options or opportunities in the place you grew up) and just having this sense that they need to leave. If your community is to grow and thrive it needs to retain young people, they need to believe that this is a place where things happen where they can envision a bright future for themselves.”
Dear Listeners it is now your turn,
I want to know what you’re going to pick up that you put aside years before? What is one of those ideas that you’ve had in your head that maybe you started in the past and gave up too soon. I want to know about this and D’Vaughn wants to hear about it so we can support you in reaching that goal or sharing that idea so you feel compelled to complete it.
And, as always, thank you for listening.
About D’Vaughn
D’Vaughn LaSean Hayes is a seasoned professional with a proven track record in sales, marketing, and leadership. Currently serving as the Field Marketing Manager for Billings at TDS Telecommunications, D’Vaughn has consistently driven impressive results. His innovative strategies led to an exceptional $2 Million ROI in his first year, exceeding company standards. In 2023, he achieved an NPV of $1.5 million and an IRR of 83%, earning a well-deserved promotion to the role of Commercial Sales Manager for all of Montana, set to commence on 12/04/2023.
Beyond his corporate success, D’Vaughn actively contributes to community service. As the Director and Lead Organizer of TEDxBillings, Incoming Chair of Billings NextGEN, and a Member of the Board of Directors for United Way of Yellowstone County, he thrives on driving positive change.
D’Vaughn is a social media influencer, running @406media with 11.5k followers, sharing content about the great state of Montana. He serves as the Marketing Director and Project Manager for Beartooth Mountain Saloon, a Bitcoin mining operation set to launch in early 2024. D’Vaughn has diverse experience in the crypto community, primarily on the Cardano blockchain.
Recipient of multiple prestigious awards, including the 2021 NextGEN Exceptional Emerging Leader Business Excellence Award from The Billings Chamber of Commerce, 40 under Forty Honoree of the 2022 class by the Billings Gazette, and the 2014 Market Manager of the Year Award from Smart Circle International, as well as an Outstanding Achievement Award from Smart Circle International, Consumer Electronics Partner of the Year Award from DirecTV, and recognition as one of the Top 5 salespersons in the whole country by DirecTV and Smart Circle International, D’Vaughn is celebrated for his outstanding contributions.
About Sarah
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Be sure to check out the Storytelling For Professionals Course as well to make sure you nail that next interview!
Episode 173: If You Want to Make a Positive Impact, Love the People You Want to Influence
"I love you, now get out of here!"
That's how Tammie Schrader sent her 7th grade science students to their next class after the bell rang on the first day of school. And every day after that was the same.
After about 3 weeks, she missed the first part: "Okay, kids, get out of here!" She was gently nudged by her students who didn't stand up from their seats. "Mrs. Schrader, you forgot to start with 'I love you.'"
Stories of a Truly Exceptional Teacher, and What Makes Her That Way
Tammie Schrader podcast episode cover art with image of Tammie.
"I love you, now get out of here!"
That's how Tammie Schrader sent her 7th grade science students to their next class after the bell rang on the first day of school. And every day after that was the same.
After about 3 weeks, she missed the first part: "Okay, kids, get out of here!" She was gently nudged by her students who didn't stand up from their seats. "Mrs. Schrader, you forgot to start with 'I love you.'"
Tammie's students were treated to hands on learning in that classroom, and to an incredibly nurturing, encouraging environment. That's because she knows that the only way people learn is by doing, and the most effective way to teach is to care for - to love - the people you're trying to influence.
My favorite story Tammie shared was about students nearing their final days of middle school before the big graduation ceremony. They were reminded to be on their best behavior because any infraction would result in their not being allowed to participate in graduation festivities. Later that day, students were caught tossing one of their peers high into the air and catching him. When asked what they were thinking, they answered: “I don’t know, it didn’t seem like a big deal. We didn’t hurt anyone, everyone was having fun.”
Tammie asked: “When you were just about to toss your friend high into the air, did you take just a moment to look around the yard to make sure no adults were watching?” They nodded. “Then you knew, guys, you knew this might not be a good idea.”
Her TEDxSpokane talk is what caught my attention a few months ago. The dynamic way she presented her "idea worth sharing" had me compelled to watch and learn. I had to reach out to hear more of this extraordinary teacher's story.
We ran out of time before I could get an important question answered, "why did you leave the classroom?" It seemed like such a huge transition away from her purpose in terms of working with students.
With grace and generosity, Tammie emailed me the answer:
While working as a teacher, I was fortunate enough to have a superintendent, Dr. Michael Dunn, who possessed leadership qualities I had never experienced before. I remember sitting in on the superintendent interviews and recognizing that he was the only one that talked about serving students. This spoke to my heart. The great news is that the Cheney School Board had the thoughtfulness to recognize his incredibleness and hired him. Things in our district shifted immediately.
Dr. Dunn is the kind of man who shares his vision just by being himself. He was in buildings and classrooms all the time. He wrote personal emails wishing teachers well and genuinely cared about each of us. I was once stuck on Snoqualmie Pass on a Friday heading to a conference over the weekend. Monday morning I had an email from Dr. Dunn expressing how grateful he was that I was safe. To this day I have no idea how he knew I had been stuck during snowstorm.
Mike left Cheney to become the superintendent of an organization called an Education Service District (ESD) that serves 59 public school districts and upwards of 40 private schools. 7 years ago he asked me if I would apply to be the science coordinator for his organization. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Mike, I just love my classroom and I love my kids
Mike: Well I’m not asking you to come serve 59 school districts because you don’t love kids!
And I was sold. I will say I cried the whole time I packed my classroom and at least for the year after that. I did go to Mike after a year and told him I missed kids way too much, and his reply was simply: I totally understand and I get it, and I’ll remind you that you have access to 59 school districts full of kids. After that I made it a point to be in classrooms with kids at least weekly. Mike always seems to say the right thing at the right time.
Thanks for asking because you are so correct in knowing that leaving a classroom was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. If it weren’t for Dr. Dunn’s leadership, I wouldn’t have done it. Ever.
You'll want to connect with Tammie on LinkedIn after listening to this episode and watching her TEDx talk!
Podcast cover art with Tammie Schrader quote and image from her TEDxSpokane talk in 2020.
Tammie is the Regional Science and Computer Science Coordinator for Northeast Washington Education Service District 101 in Washington State. She taught science at Cheney Middle School, in Cheney, Washington for 15 years. She's also an adjunct science methods instructor at Whitworth University.
When she taught middle school, her subjects were Life Science, Computer Programming, Gaming Programming, Robotics, as well as coaching the Science Olympiad Team, Robotics Club, SeaPerch Team and Future Business Leaders of America.
She is currently enrolled as a Ph.D. candidate and am writing my dissertation on Leadership and Game Based Education in the Classroom.
In 2013, she was selected as a Hope Street Fellow, working on Education Policy around coding in the classroom, was also awarded a National Science Foundation grant working with Filament Games on Educational Video Games in the classroom, was selected as a 2008-2009 Teacher Fellow for the Department of Education, and was named Pacific Northwest Earth Science Teacher of the Year, among other accomplishments in her career.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songsrecorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 130: I Will Not Meet Hate at the Door, Lessons of Love and Forgiveness
What's really significant about Heather's words is that she backs them up with real action and and her behavior absolutely brings that message home. She chooses love, learning, and personal growth in response to the adversity she experienced as a child and young adult.
Stories of Love and Learning Through Adversity
Heather’s TEDx Colorado Springs - Transforming Adversity into Opportunity
Heather Younger is no stranger to adversity. Born to a white, Jewish mother and a black father, her mother's family was less than welcoming, and Heather grew up without any contact with the majority of that family.
What's really significant about Heather's words is that she backs them up with real action and and her behavior absolutely brings that message home. She chooses love, learning, and personal growth in response to the adversity she experienced as a child and young adult.
Now is the time for us to amplify messages like Heather's, to listen closely to her stories not to get angry or frustrated, but to learn how to hold space for learning and compassion for those who mistreat us.
Heather and I connected early in my LinkedIn activity, and we've had the opportunity to spend real time together - in person. She was one of the first to sign on to participate in the inaugural No Longer Virtual event in 2017, and hasn't missed and #NLV since.
I'm so grateful for her friendship, support, and incredibly inspiring way she speaks, lives, and loves.
Learn more about Heather by connecting with her on LinkedIn, visit her website, subscribe to her podcast, and be sure to watch her outstanding TEDx talk. You can also order her best selling book, 7 Intuitive Laws of Employee Loyalty on Amazon.
Episode 127: Charged by a Silverback Gorilla, Adam Lewis Walker Knows What an Alpha Looks Like
He had me laughing from the moment we hit record, and our conversation ranged from the end of his Olympic pole vaulting dreams, destroyed knee, and subsequent bout with depression, to his TEDx in 2016, and even included what I'm sure was the subconscious inspiration for the name of his first podcast, Awaken Your Alpha.
Hint: It involves a silverback gorilla in the wilds of Rwanda.
Stories of Resilience, Persistence, and Personal Growth
Adam Lewis Walker promised me he went by his full name because the name Adam Walker was far too common and wouldn't be searchable - not because he's a serial killer.
Am I the only one who remembers the article on Slate.com from 2011?
He had me laughing from the moment we hit record, and our conversation ranged from the end of his Olympic pole vaulting dreams, destroyed knee, and subsequent bout with depression, to his TEDx in 2016, and even included what I'm sure was the subconscious inspiration for the name of his first podcast, Awaken Your Alpha.
Hint: It involves a silverback gorilla in the wilds of Rwanda.
What really became clear to me was Adam's inspired motivation to help others uncover their talents, their dreams, and the actions they know it will take to reach them. On top of that, his insistence that reaching a goal isn't nearly the end, and that each subsequent goal leads us to greater self-reflection and personal growth.
After listening to this episode, you'll want to connect with Adam on LinkedIn, follow him on Twitter, and check out his website to learn more about his work with want-to-be TEDx speakers and podcasters.
Episode 86: The Importance of Inauthenticity with Mark Bowden
Mark Bowden’s TEDxToronto in 2013 had a huge impact on how I think about authenticity. As I was laboring over my book, Your Stories Don’t Define You, I realized the influence that talk has had on me over the past 5 years in my work with coaching clients. When I encourage people to step out of their comfort zones to discover their hidden talents and joy, I often refer to Mark’s work.
You Don’t Know How Amazing You Can Be. Stories You Tell May Be Limiting Your Growth and Success
Mark Bowden, Truthplane
Mark Bowden’s TEDxToronto in 2013 had a huge impact on how I think about authenticity. As I was laboring over my book, Your Stories Don’t Define You, I realized the influence that talk has had on me over the past 5 years in my work with coaching clients. When I encourage people to step out of their comfort zones to discover their hidden talents and joy, I often refer to Mark’s work.
As always, I asked my guest to share something about himself that most people don’t know, something we wouldn’t find in his bio or his LinkedIn profile, something he hasn’t written in one of his many books and articles, something that would connect our audience to him in a personal and intriguing way. He did not disappoint! Mark has been a traditional Morris Dancer for many years. I had to do a little digging into this because I was completely unfamiliar, and I’m so glad I did! Here’s an example from YouTube:
Our conversation centered on why Mark believes authenticity isn’t something everyone should strive for, necessarily. What I loved about this discussion was what seemed like a direct conflict with so much of what is being written and talked about in relation to that word: Authenticity.
As we explored Mark’s work, I realized it isn’t necessarily in conflict. For instance, though Kimberly Davis’ book, Brave Leadership, centers around the word authenticity, she states: “Your brave unfolds one situation at a time.” Mark and I spoke a little about that, but using the word authenticity instead of brave. “Your authenticity is discovered one situation at a time.”
Mark spoke about the two major dangers in trying to define authenticity or use it as a litmus test for personal behavior:
Authenticity Shaming - This has become even more common, and a much bigger issue as we use authenticity as a buzzword across all aspects of life. How can we make a judgment about what is authentic for someone else? It’s like telling someone their feelings aren’t valid; we cannot know what is authentic for anyone but ourselves.
Authenticity as an Excuse - How many times have you heard someone say they chose not to take a certain path because it didn’t “feel authentic?” The danger in focusing on a solid, foundational definition of personal authenticity is the limits that places on you in terms of growth and adaptability. If you decide one version of you is your authentic self, where does that leave you in terms of curiosity and stepping out of your comfort zone?
Mark got particularly excited when he spoke about his mentor, Robert Anton Wilson, philosopher, author, and playwright. He mentioned Orson Well’s movie, F is for Fake, and the Banksy film, Exit Through the Gift Shop, in the context of making judgments about what is fake vs. what is real, and the philosophy that when we see things as black and white we will experience the death of intelligence. The key to the concepts here is that oftentimes when you’re in the midst of transformation, you may not feel like your own authentic self. Building your Self takes time and curiosity, and sometimes it gets broken and rebuilt in the midst of major transformation. One of his early memories of exploring the concept of Self as a growing, changing, very personal experience is when he worked with Phillippe Gaulier, a brilliant and controversial figure in British theatre.
Many quotes from the conversation are memorable, and I particularly appreciated our discussion of the depth of beauty and humanity in Jim Henson’s The Muppet Show. Here’s one I’ll hold onto forever.
Another one that struck me was this: “Coincidence, traced back far enough, becomes inevitability.” Found in a Hindu Temple near New Delhi, India.
Learn more about Mark Bowden, and visit the Truthplane website to contact him.
Expert Body Language Keynote Speaker Mark Bowden
Voted the #1 Body Language Professional in the world for two years running, Mark Bowden is passionate about giving your audience the most influential and persuasive communication techniques to stand out, win trust, and gain credibility every time they speak. Inspiring, energetic, engaging, and entirely entertaining, Mark’s memorable talks and training programs not only educate but have proven life-changing in helping people and organizations grow across all industries and sectors.
Mark’s work is consistently invaluable to sales and leadership teams, CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, and prime ministers of G7 powers. His highly acclaimed TEDx talk has reached millions of people, and he has presented to many of the biggest, coolest, and most innovative organizations in the world, including Shopify, Dell, Viacom, RBC, Fidelity, Amex, Unilever, Daimler, Microsoft, Toyota, VW, Samsung, KPMG, GSK, Walmart, Nestle, and even Real Madrid.