214: Slowing Down Time - the In-Between
It was in a recent conversation that I realized this about myself, that I am in a constant state of change and churn, and that I sometimes let that get me anxious and stressed. It's silly, since I know I bring this on myself. I could say no. I could turn down opportunities to sing, to speak, to mentor someone. But I love it. I love this feeling of change and growth, and none of the decisions I make are things I don't want to do.
Stories of Mindfulness to Address Uncertainty
Uncertainty Isn’t Always a Bad Thing, We Can Thrive Here
Many years ago, I read a post by Nilofer Merchant about what she calls In-Between Space,
Summers when you were young were the in-between spaces of learning – where you could languish in play time and know learning time was ahead... That time where you got a job offer but hadn’t started yet. Maybe even during the search for a new role. Perhaps it is as simple as when you are clear of a new direction.
I think of that post often; I live in In-Between Space, it's a weird sort of comfort zone for me. I rarely stay content in a job, a dynamic, a relationship. There has to be consistent growth and change in everything I do.
It was in a recent conversation that I realized this about myself, that I am in a constant state of change and churn, and that I sometimes let that get me anxious and stressed. It's silly, since I know I bring this on myself. I could say no. I could turn down opportunities to sing, to speak, to mentor someone. But I love it. I love this feeling of change and growth, and none of the decisions I make are things I don't want to do.
In StrengthsFinder, that is a direct reflection of my Activator and Adaptability talents. If you’re one of those people who struggles in meetings without good facilitation, meetings without a focus on action items, and you find yourself in an almost constant sense of urgency, you may be an Activator, too.
The combination of Activator and Adaptability means I spend a lot more of my days in transition, and a lot fewer of my days in periods of contentedness.
For most of my life that has been a disadvantage. You’ve heard the term “job hopper”, right? When I was starting my career, that was a seriously negative description. People close to me would voice concern every time I changed jobs: “that’ll look bad on your resume!”
But for the past nearly 3 years, this part of my character has been valued, appreciated. People have reached out to me for guidance more than ever. They know if anyone is going to deal with uncertainty with grace and optimism, it’s going to be me - or someone else with Adaptability in their top talents (though they may not know it.)
I realized a few years ago that though it’s not uncommon to find people like me, the majority of people prefer long periods of contentedness and short periods of transition - exactly the opposite to how I live my life.
During a recording of Lois Koffi’s podcast, Healthy-n-Wealthy-n-Wise, Lois asked me about that, how those of us without Adaptability up there in our talents can deal with all of this uncertainty with grace.
That’s where this “in-between space” reference comes in.
For most people, periods of uncertainty are uncomfortable, to say the least. Consider, though, the time between giving your notice at one job and starting the next one. Or the time of your wedding engagement, between the announcement and the event itself. Or pregnancy. Or the summer between school years… all of those are in-between spaces, full of possibility - and uncertainty.
My answer to Lois included two strategies:
1) Your mindset must shift to possibility as opposed to worry. Surround yourself with people who think differently from you, people who have complementary talents. Find an Activator, an Adaptability partner to bring you comfort simply because they will weather this uncertainty storm with optimism and action.
2) Find small routines or habits that bring you a sense of stability and comfort and practice them with intention. When your brain starts to wind up with the negative “what ifs”, practice looking for things that are certain, things that - even if they’re not great - are consistent in your life. This is what mindfulness is all about: Being fully present, in the moment. Tell yourself “right now, in this moment, I am breathing, I am sitting here with consciousness.” This isn’t just about gratitude, though that’s really helpful in this context, it’s about knowing what’s certain in a given moment. Here’s one of mine: “I’m certain that right now, in this moment, I’m safe, I’m warm, I’m not hungry, and my dog is peacefully sleeping beside me.”
When we acknowledge and value our in-between time, we are able to process a past experience and begin to consider the potential for our future.
If you have children or fur-babies, it’s a great way to slow down time so you don’t regret missing out on the limited years we get to spend with them.
When planning our wedding 25 years ago, I kept a journal to document all the details. I knew that by embracing and enjoying each part of the journey, I would slow down the time before the actual wedding day. I also figured that this strategy would help with the emotional let-down following a major event.
To slow down time, I need to stop thinking of each day as stressful or uncertain, stop trying to make something happen every moment, and start thinking about each day as an opportunity to enjoy the journey leading to whatever is next.
Are you an In-Between Space person, too? Do you embrace that side of you, or does it keep you frustrated and anxious?
Thank you for listening to the Your Stories Don’t Define You podcast!
There are still spots available for the fifth No Longer Virtual Conference coming up March 3rd and 4th, 2022 in Park City, Utah. Bringing entrepreneurs and innovators together in a small venue, limited to 40 people, to #connectbeyondthekeyboard, to learn from each other and grow in our personal and professional lives. Visit elkinsconsulting.com for more details and to view the fabulous agenda.
Are you facing a transition right now? A big birthday coming up, considering a major career change, retirement? Empty nesting or divorce?
Are you overwhelmed with the millions of opportunities that seem to be opening in our global community? Not sure where to start, what questions to ask yourself, and questioning what you’re even qualified for?
If you’re eager to start exploring and would appreciate a guide, my recently launched Discovering Clarity course is available now for just $149. I highly recommend that you register with a friend or group of friends to keep each other accountable, message me for a discount code for multiple registrations. Visit elkins consulting.com / discovering-clarity.
My friend Trent said this to me a few years ago: Hope is not a strategy.
Instead of "I hope this year is better" say "this year will be better." And then take steps to MAKE it better. In my work I call it planting seeds. Every day that my motivation drops I ask myself which seeds I can plant right. this. minute. to improve my future. I make myself choose two seeds, one for future income and one for the health of an important relationship. It's really amazing how much can change by simply taking small steps. But nothing changes if you say "I hope 2022 is better than 2021" and then do nothing to make that happen. What seeds will you plant today?
209: Transition and Transformation Are Painful, Recruit a Guide
Just in time for the New Year, join in with Sarah Elkins as she talks about her change over the past few years- from someone with a draining job to happily self-employed. Sarah shares the steps and activities she learned along the way that assisted in developing her own “satisfying menu”.
Find Clarity, One Bite At A Time
What does it take for you to transform and discover your strengths?
Just in time for the New Year, join in with Sarah Elkins as she talks about her change over the past few years- from someone with a draining job to happily self-employed. Sarah shares the steps and activities she learned along the way that assisted in developing her own “satisfying menu”.
Tune in to hear more about Sarah’s journey, as well as the new course she will be offering on finding clarity.
“That exercise eventually lead me to where I am now. Happily self-employed with incredibly rewarding impactful work.”
*podcast show notes contributed by Tracy Ackeret
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
204: Inner Voice Have You Spinning? Fire Your Narrator!
How do we overcome that powerful voice in our head that keeps us from succeeding and sharing our accomplishments?
Sarah Elkins and Valerie Gordon tackle the topics from their previous conversation, as well as new topics such as questioning the loud voice inside your head and rewriting your own story. This engaging conversation dives into the deeper meaning behind the “narrator” we experience, how do we seize those thoughts and put them into action?
Valerie Gordon Knows a Thing or Two About Stories
How do we overcome that powerful voice in our head that keeps us from succeeding and sharing our accomplishments?
Sarah Elkins and Valerie Gordon tackle the topics from their previous conversation, as well as new topics such as questioning the loud voice inside your head and rewriting your own story. This engaging conversation dives into the deeper meaning behind the “narrator” we experience, how do we seize those thoughts and put them into action?
“Another type of narrator’s thoughts that’s going to get in your way of future success, where did that story start? And how do we rewrite it?”
*podcast show notes contributed by Tracy Ackeret
About Valerie:
Valerie Gordon knows how to harness the power of a story to meet a wide range of business needs. A 10-time Emmy-winning television producer with two decades producing stories for CBS News, HBO, and ESPN, she knows what makes a story meaningful and memorable. Through Commander-in-She LLC, the career and communications strategy firm she founded in 2017, Valerie helps clients take command of the power in their own stories.
Valerie works with corporations and speaks at conferences to engage employees, guide teams, and grow future leaders. She offers keynotes, workshops, virtual training, and individual coaching, providing the communication skills necessary to help clients ascend the leadership ladder, manage relationships and critical conversations, build their personal brand and create next chapter success.
Her new book, “Fire Your Narrator! A Storyteller’s Guide to Getting Out of Your Head and Into Your Life” is about the stories we tell ourselves and the impact those internal stories have on our external success.
Visit Valerie’s website and follow her on LinkedIn!
*podcast show notes contributed by Tracy Ackeret
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
203: Is It Truly Possible For People To Change? Featuring Lester Young
At the age of 19, Lester Young was convicted of murder. Today, he has transformed his life and utilizes his gifts to fulfill his purpose.
Enjoy this riveting discussion between Sarah Elkins and Lester Young, Executive Director for Path2Redemption, as they delve into how mistakes of the past don’t define who you are today. From learning “how to plant the seed” and cultivate your unique gifts, to giving back to others and changing their perceptions of you, this is an episode that will truly inspire your inner want for growth.
A Convicted Murder Believes in True Redemption
At the age of 19, Lester Young was convicted of murder. Today, he has transformed his life and utilizes his gifts to fulfill his purpose.
Enjoy this riveting discussion between Sarah Elkins and Lester Young, Executive Director for Path2Redemption, as they delve into how mistakes of the past don’t define who you are today. From learning “how to plant the seed” and cultivate your unique gifts, to giving back to others and changing their perceptions of you, this is an episode that will truly inspire your inner want for growth.
“I’m not tied to my story. I’m showing you the evolution, the transformation that I went through.”
Books Discussed:
James Allen’s As A Man Thinketh
Bob Burg’s The Go-Giver
Lester Young’s The Five Stages of Incarceration
Lester Young’s The Five Stages of Growth
*podcast show notes contributed by Tracy Ackeret
About Lester:
Lester Young, Jr is a native of Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. At the age of 19, Lester was given a life sentence (with the possibility of parole after serving 20 years). Entering prison without education was indeed a struggle, but he did not allow this to stop him from educating himself as well as others. With the support of family and friends, Lester was able to obtain his G.E.D and later enroll in Business Management Courses, via mail, as a student at Ashworth College. Lester began drawing attention and was constantly rewarded for his interest in helping others. With permission and no hesitation from the warden, Lester along with the prison chaplain began meeting to create templates, outlines, programs, and classes to instruct and mentor fellow inmates. This is where the idea of him establishing his own non-profit organization “Path2Redemption” got its start. After his release, on May 15, 2014 (22 years and 5 months) the outlines of his programs are still being taught in prison. Mr. Young is the author of two books The Five Stages of Incarceration and The Five Stages of Growth. Lester is also a proud father of a 6-year-old daughter.
Visit Lester’s website and follow him on LinkedIn to learn more!
*podcast show notes contributed by Tracy Ackeret
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 174: Rodney's Raptors: Life Changing Birds
This career wasn't part of his life plan as young man, and when you hear what his interests were, what he did when he skipped school, you'll appreciate the trajectory he took.
He was well on his way toward violence and incarceration, selling drugs in his corner of Washington DC. When he started applying for jobs, it wasn't because he needed money, it was because he needed a paystub - proof of consistent, legal income in order to rent an apartment.
They Saved His Life: A Story of an Unconventional Relationship
Rodney Stotts podcast episode 174 cover art with image and quote
He was told not to look a bird of prey in the eyes, that it would be considered aggressive and would damage his relationship with the animal.
But when that gigantic Eurasian Eagle Owl, Mr. Hoots, turned as Rodney went to move him, their eyes met, and neither of them looked away. Rodney described the moment as electric, and when he shared the story, I could practically feel the magnetic gaze they shared, and felt the hairs on my neck rise as he described it.
I met Rodney when I participated in GISH, the Great International Scavenger Hunt this year. He was interviewed as part of the event, and I just loved how he spoke about his animals and his work with young people.
GISH Promotional image with Rodney Stotts
This career wasn't part of his life plan as young man, and when you hear what his interests were, what he did when he skipped school, you'll appreciate the trajectory he took.
He was well on his way toward violence and incarceration, selling drugs in his corner of Washington DC. When he started applying for jobs, it wasn't because he needed money, it was because he needed a paystub - proof of consistent, legal income in order to rent an apartment.
Rodney Stotts episode cover art with image from a Christian Science Monitor article.
His job with Earth Conservation Corps is where his life dramatically changed direction. He realized he had a choice, to spend more time with the raptors in a related program, or to spend more time selling drugs on the street. You can imagine what choice he made.
The rest, as they say, is history, and you're in for a treat with this interview.
---
When you're ready to learn more about Rodney's programs for young adults, visit his website, and perhaps you'll feel compelled to contribute. You'll also want to check out the trailer for the movie The Black Falconer, and read this great article on Audubon.com, and this one in the Washington Post.
---
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songsrecorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
EPISODE 100: Community is the Key to Your Emotional Health and Personal Development
For this 100th episode, I couldn’t think of a more appropriate theme than Community. It’s my community that make me who I am today. It’s my community - that I built with intention - that bring me satisfaction, challenge, and joy. It’s my community that helped me be the person I aspire to be, and to raise our children to be independent, kind, compassionate adults.
Special Episode: Stories of Building Community and Our Identity
Music was our matchmaker. (Stay tuned to the end to hear the entire song from the regular intro and conclusion music!)
Twila and I met because our husbands were looking for other musicians to jam with. One of them answered the other one’s Craig’s List ad, they played together a couple of times, and then I invited them over for dinner and music. We never considered not making music together after that night. Our voices together created something entirely different than our voices separately. The complexity of our vocal tone and harmonies continue to make the hairs rise on our necks, and on the necks of our audiences. I call her my Soul Sister.
Today’s 100th episode of Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is sponsored by Uchi. Scroll down for more information about this new communication improvement app!
For this 100th episode, I couldn’t think of a more appropriate theme than Community. It’s my community that make me who I am today. It’s my community - that I built with intention - that bring me satisfaction, challenge, and joy. It’s my community that helped me be the person I aspire to be, and to raise our children to be independent, kind, compassionate adults.
The audio contributions from Heather Younger, Lynda Spiegel, Joe Kwon, and Neil Hughes were overwhelming! I am so grateful to you, friends, you make it all worthwhile. Truly.
Sarah and Neil at NLVDenver2018
“Special thanks to Neil Hughes for his critical role in bringing these 100 episodes to life. It simply wouldn’t be possible without him.”
I started to build my LinkedIn community about 10 years ago, slowly at first, finding my footing as a blog writer and contributor to the platform via comments and sharing valuable, relevant content.
The first people I connected with deeply were Heather Younger, Neil Hughes, John White, Dustin McKissen, Susan Rooks, Chris Spurvey, Lynda Spiegel, Karthik Rajan, and Larry Boyer. All of whom have transformed their lives since then, publishing books, starting speaking careers, building businesses, and more. These were the people putting out great content that I was learning from, engaging with, and sharing, which was the reason for the substantial growth of my LinkedIn network: People started to follow me because they trusted me to share relevant content, and to connect them with wicked-smart, insightful professionals.
Melissa Hughes and Zach Messler at NLVDenver2018
Those people are the reason for the existence of the No Longer Virtual events. I realized that bringing them together, face-to-face, would offer even more opportunities to deepen my learning from them, and our relationships. We’re heading into our fourth year, No Longer Virtual will descend on Chicago on March 12 & 13, 2020.
That first event in Atlanta in 2017 brought me face-to-face with many of my favorite LinkedIn voices, including Melissa Hughes, Zach Messler, and Amy Blaschka, who continue to be huge inspirations and support for me. Our relationships began virtually, and now I cannot imagine my life without them - or the others I mentioned - in it. They are my community.
For this episode, I wanted to explore what community means to people, and to share what my community means to me.
One of many music nights at our house - our community!
So I hit the record button in the kitchen at Twila’s house, while sitting with her, her daughter, Joy (featured in Episode 94), and our younger son, Max (featured in an April 2018 episode), and drinking coffee and eating delicious, fresh-from-the-oven banana bread.
Joy Gabiel, Life Coach
Two of us moved around a lot as kids (Joy and me), and two stayed in the same house and small communities all through their childhood (Max and Twila). That dynamic made for really interesting insights and discussion about what community means, it’s impact on us, and why it’s so important to be intentional about building a diverse community of supporters, challengers, and truth-tellers.
Joy’s perspective is significantly different from the others in the room. As an only child and a more solitary soul, community is critical for her emotional health in a completely different way from those of us who are generally more social creatures. She explained that as a Challenger (Enneagram reference), she isn’t a naturally trusting person, so her comfort zone is being solitary. But with that solitary life, she risks spending far too much time in her own head, which can cause what she called “disintegration”.
Max, Freshman at University of Montana
Max’s perspective leaned toward mine, that a healthy, supportive community becomes the foundation for curiosity and exploration of other communities and environments. He said that his foundational community, the peer group he has stayed close with since preschool and kindergarten, continues to help him feel secure in his exploration outside of that comfort zone.
I hope you enjoy listening to this 100th episode as much as I enjoyed recording it.
2011, Sarah and Twila at one of our many dinner parties with our community
Rocket to Uranus performance at the Silver Dollar Saloon, Butte, with guest vocalist Twila Olson
Today’s 100th episode of Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is sponsored by Uchi.
Uchi is proud to sponsor this milestone 100th episode about Community because uchi, in Japanese, means “in-group” or “inner circle”. The folks at Uchi believe people are yearning to feel closer to others. Not to everyone, but to the people who matter most to them.
Uchi is a free app, available for download on the App Store and Google Play, that helps make conversations easier.
It’s like those cards games where you sit around a table and share answers to questions, but this is online so you can do it anywhere, at any time and with anyone around the world. Community is about people and their relationships to each other. Uchi’s mission is to help people connect authentically with those who matter most to them in order to have more meaningful relationships.
As an official sponsor of the 100th episode of the Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will podcast, Uchi is contributing to Elkins Consulting’s, No Longer Virtual 2020 conference scholarship fund.
Episode 60: No Such Thing as Coincidence
When We Connect the Dots, We See Purpose in Life and Struggle
Carol Campos doesn't believe in coincidence, but that doesn’t mean she knows exactly why anything actually happens.
But when she looks back at each decision she made, each relationship she spent time nurturing, and each of the choices she made, she can see all of the connections among those choices, bringing her to where she is right now.
From the last couple of years of high school, until she reached a point in a successful career, she followed the path she believed was expected of her. Though she switched gears periodically, and took different steps, she continued to move forward, almost stumbling through her career without real thought or intention.
And then - everything changed. Carol realized she was not only dissatisfied in her career, she didn’t really know how she defined success for herself. So she left her cozy career and took time to really dig into what she wanted, how she defines success, and what she wanted to do next.
So many of us are in transition right now, and with the current workforce shifts, the world of career and professionalism looks completely different from how it looked just five years ago. When we spend time looking back at our patterns, and how each of our choices connects to lead us forward, those transitions become smoother and more comfortable.
Here are a few references from our conversation:
E-Squared, by Pam Grout
Embracing Life Transitions As the New Normal, Podcast episode about transition, restaurant analogy
Elizabeth Gilbert: Flight of the Hummingbird The Curiosity Driven Life, Elizabeth Gilbert
Carol has worked in the corporate world for over 20 years, most recently in a leadership role at a Fortune 10 company. For years she felt that she was meant to do something different, but could never quite put her finger on what that was. For the last 7 years she has immersed herself in classes and workshops, learning about energy healing, meditation, as well as numerous spiritual and holistic topics. In early 2018 she left her corporate job and made the leap into the unknown. What she discovered was that she could combine her extensive business experience with these new, soul-aligned interests. Thus, The Divine Breadcrumb was born!
Carol is a certified Reiki practitioner as well as a certified Angel Card Reader. Most recently she was certified by the HeartMath Institute as an Add-Heart Facilitator, teaching a technique used by thousands of people, including Navy Seals, to achieve heart coherence — a state which greatly improves emotional and physical health.
Carol is passionate about traveling, learning about new cultures and helping people on their own path. She holds a B.A. in Communications from Hofstra University. Carol resides in Massachusetts with her rambunctious rescue cats, Petey and Emmett.