Episode 148: Your Stories Don't Define You. How You Tell Them Will
This week’s episode of the podcast is a sneak peek of the audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will, to be released in mid-November. For a limited time, the ebook is just $0.99!
As a special bonus for listeners, the book will include two songs recorded by my band, Spare Change, in my living room in Montana. Keep an eye out for announcements through LinkedIn and via my Elkins Consulting Facebook & Instagram pages, or visit my website to learn more.
Sneak Peek of the Audiobook to be Released November 2020!
Hi, I’m Sarah Elkins, your host, and Chief Storymaker at Elkins Consulting.
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
This week’s episode of the podcast is a sneak peek of the audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will, to be released in mid-November. For a limited time, the ebook is just $0.99!
As a special bonus for listeners, the book will include two songs recorded by my band, Spare Change, in my living room in Montana. Keep an eye out for announcements through LinkedIn and via my Elkins Consulting Facebook & Instagram pages, or visit my website to learn more.
Episode 73: Transitions as Opportunities for Self-Discovery
Resilience Can Look Like Minor Home Repairs and Great Parties on a Budget
It turns out that Tiffany Ann is actually quite handy, can make impressive home improvements on a limited budget, and can put on a fun birthday party for a bunch of kids for just $25.
Mount Helena, Helena, Montana
She may not have known these things about herself if she hadn’t experienced a painful divorce. With three children and no job, Tiffany Ann learned not only that she could depend on herself for minor home repairs, she learned that she was resilient, and found ways to share what she learned with others in similar situations.
Dreams Recycled came to her, well, in a dream.
Listen to this episode to find out more about Tiffany Ann, her business, and how her dream came to life.
Episode 59: Old Stories Create New Pathways
What Stories From Your Past Still Color Your Present?
His mother went to answer the door while his family sat at the supper table. Chris heard a man's voice, and watched as his father went into the living room. A demonstration and 40 minutes of answers to every objection later, that Electrolux vacuum salesman in the brown polyester suit with bad breath left with an order for a $3,000 machine.
Chris was 10 years old, and his image of a salesman was set for decades. Not only did his family have a vacuum cleaner they didn't need and couldn't afford, his parents bickered over it for months afterward.
Fast forward to Chris as a young adult with entrepreneurial aspirations and the realization that he'd have to get more comfortable with sales if he was going to be successful. He hired a coach who was able to peel back the layers of Chris's experience to find that vacuum salesman and his impact on how Chris saw the word "salesman."
80s Style: Friendship Pins
In the beginning of our conversation, Chris mentioned his love for heavy metal music, particularly in the late 80s and early 90s. He spoke about wearing his Metallica jean jacket to church, and about having the opportunity to play guitar with a band on Sunday evenings in the same church, and blowing away the senior women with the sound. We made a few references during that part of our conversation, one to a scene in Back to the Future with Michael J. Fox, and another about my friend Ranjith Abraham, and his musical projects, Miles Apart.
Connect with Chris on LinkedIn, and check out his book, It’s Time to Sell. Learn more about Chris and his gifted approach to sales and leadership by visiting his website.
Getting Out Alive: A Story of Professional Survival
We were barreling down the road, at least double the speed limit in a 35 zone. And when we hit the highway, he was driving at least 110. For the first time since those warning signs I ignored during the interview, I realized I wasn't just risking my career, I was risking my life
"We were barreling down the road, at least double the speed limit in a 35 zone. And when we hit the highway, he was driving at least 110. For the first time since those warning signs I ignored during the interview, I realized I wasn't just risking my career, I was risking my life."
John White made the decision to invest in his future income that day - by jumping into an MBA program he'd been considering for a few years.
We had a great conversation about that moment in his life when he made the decision; have you had a moment like this one? Maybe not quite so dramatic, but still a large, negative push to follow a different path?
It's the Shoes. Trust Me.
I was in high school when I stopped wearing shoes. There was probably a reason, as far as reason goes when you're in high school, but I can't imagine any reason beyond pushing my mother's buttons.
~ Picture courtesy of Eliza Wiley
I was in high school when I stopped wearing shoes. There was probably a reason, as far as reason goes when you're in high school, but I can't imagine any reason beyond pushing my mother's buttons.
My feet were tough and thick with calluses from the moment the snow melted in Colorado until the first frost hit. I would carry my shoes, just in case I needed them to be allowed into a store or restaurant. From my sophomore year of high school until I graduated from Colorado State University in Fort Collins, I was known for my bare feet. As an exchange student my sophomore year, I even hitchhiked by myself through New Zealand with bare feet. I'm pretty sure I was the only business major with bare feet and cut-off jeans. When I was walking through Moby Gym with my father, getting ready to graduate, we ran into a few of my professors and I was happy to introduce them to my dad.
Oh my! We were just placing bets on whether Sarah would wear shoes to cross the graduation stage.
When I think back on that interchange, I like to remember my dad smiling good naturedly, and not totally embarrassed, but I really don't recall his reaction. I smiled and lifted my graduation robe enough to show some pretty pumps. It was December, I was definitely wearing shoes.
I moved to Washington DC for a paid internship immediately following graduation. My father drove with me across the country in my little Chevette with my cat on the floor under the passenger seat. Of course I wore shoes every day to my job with the US International Trade Commission; as soon as the weather warmed a bit, you could find me wandering on weekends through the District, shoes in hand. I think back on that time and I'm totally disgusted. Really, Sarah? Barefoot in Washington DC? It didn't take long for me to change my ways. Not only is it gross to walk barefoot on the streets and sidewalks in a big city, it gets very, very hot.
Shoes were simply a function of getting dressed back then. I had my basic pumps in black and navy for work, and my casual sandals and tennis shoes for weekends, and that was about it. I absentmindedly put on two different colored shoes on my first day of work at a new job... but that story is all it's own.
Shoes didn't become anything important -- or even more than a passing thought - until I took my first job in sales.
As the director of sales at a downtown boutique hotel, I had the opportunity to dress up and be a little creative in my style. In my time working with clients and staff at the hotel, I noticed a distinct difference in how I was being perceived and treated when I wore shoes with a heel height of two inches or more. Observation has always been a strength of mine, and I took notes about the phenomena for a few weeks; it wasn't a serious scientific study, but the conclusions were obvious to me.
Shoes come with attitude for some of us. When I was struggling with a difficult boss, my dear friend sent me a package with this note in it:
Wear these bright yellow sandals and bring your own sunshine to work this week! - Let the haters hate!
They were three inch platform strappy yellow sandals and yes, I did wear them to work. My attitude was decidedly improved that day. Sometimes a little cue to catch my eye can work wonders on my internal dialogue. It's like a little spark of distraction; a reminder of who I am, and that while I cannot control someone else's behavior, I won't let it define me and my behavior.
Someone recently shared an article describing financial advantages of being tall; there are other studies to show that tall women are generally more successful in business. (I like to point out that I am one of the most comfortable people on any airplane, a distinct advantage when traveling.)
Though my titles haven't included the word "sales" since then, I've continued my observations about the differences when I'm a little bit taller, in how I believe I am perceived based on the treatment I receive by others.
I've come to some conclusions that have helped me over the past few years and I'm hopeful that those observations and strategies will help others. Here's one that I've shared a lot recently and have heard some great reviews following experiences by those who've tried it:
When you are planning your wardrobe for an event, meeting, or other important date, start with your shoes. Your shoes are the foundation of your wardrobe. Find shoes that make you feel good about the way you walk, the way you stand, the way you carry yourself. Invest in shoes that are comfortable AND that offer an indication of your style. Build your outfit around your shoes.
Try this strategy soon, and please comment and let me know your thoughts after you do your own experiment!
I know it sounds like a small detail, and it IS a small detail in the scheme of things. Like many other small details, like the grip of your handshake, the wrinkles around your eyes when you smile, and holding a door open for someone behind you, this one matters.
Sharing stories is a great way to communicate. Listen to my recent podcast to learn more about me and the work I do to help people communicate through storytelling.
Comments on this post:
Thank you for the belly laugh as I visualized you traipsing around Colorado sans shoes. Probably made you a more grounded person, though! Putting one's best foot forward is always a confidence booster. As women, we have many ways to add flair and customize our own sense of style and personality to others. For me, it is probably my passion to wear an heirloom or uncommon-type necklace to put my best self out in the world each and every day.
Sarah- Fantastic article thank you for sharing. I agree 100'% it's the shoes, I can not leave my house without a fierce pair of stilettos that make me feel like I could take over the world and people always remember me by the shoes
Ah HA! Moments in Coaching
February was a big month for self-discovery. Through coaching sessions and discussions with friends, I've been digging into some of my own motivations and weaknesses. One in particular has been a deep and recurring obstacle: Contentment and satisfaction without the need for external validation.
It's pretty amazing what we can discover in ourselves when we are serving others.
February was a big month for self-discovery. Through coaching sessions and discussions with friends, I've been digging into some of my own motivations and weaknesses. One in particular has been a deep and recurring obstacle: Contentment and satisfaction without the need for external validation.
If you know anything about me, you know I love to find creative outlets for myself and for others. I'm a big believer in exploring creativity as a means to increase and maintain elasticity of the brain. When your brain engages in a creative endeavor, say making music, cooking, knitting, writing, painting, coloring... it opens and builds neural pathways. Different creative activities create different pathways. Music activates one part of the brain, while writing (creative or non-fiction) activates another. Why does that matter? Because in real life as a professional, a parent, a friend, you are constantly required to solve problems. With a variety of creative activities in your life, you become a better problem solver.
While working with one client, I asked about his latest creative activity. When he told me about his project, I asked him what he would do with it after it was complete. He hadn't considered the idea of whether to display it or give it away. He didn't even really know what I was asking or why. I gave him an example: When I'm working on my pottery wheel, whatever I am building - whatever shape the clay chooses to form - I begin almost immediately to think about how it will be used and to whom I might gift it when it's glazed and fired. I asked my client: "When you complete this beautiful project, where will you put it? Does it matter to you that no one will see it?"
My question didn't faze him at all. That's when I noticed that I was projecting my concerns onto him. When I work on something important to me, I often find the need for some sort of external validation when it's complete. Why do I do that? Clearly the activity alone was enough for him to receive the benefits of being creative. Why do I need more?
In another conversation with a friend, I realized that many of us have similar issues in terms of baggage from years ago, from childhood, that manifest in our lives in different ways as we age and progress in our professions and personal experiences. When my friend and I talked about our childhood and teen years, we had a lot in common: Lack of self confidence, detractors in our lives who made negative and long-term impressions on us in their insults and demeaning comments in areas they knew we were particularly self-conscious. As children, we had both been told, in some way or another, that we weren't enough; we weren't smart enough, good looking enough, athletic enough... etc. My situation was quite different in that I had parents who were my biggest cheering section. It was peers that I allowed to do the damage to my self image.
Those childhood and young adulthood impressions and internal messages, though we fight them every day, manifest themselves in different ways in our lives. My friend allows those internal messages to make him hesitate when he knows he should move forward. He second guesses himself to the point of paralysis sometimes. I allow those internal messages to make me feel the need for external validation of the skills and values I bring to the world. For both of us, these are not only self limiting messages, they are damaging to those around us. We create a self-sabotage environment by allowing that history to manifest itself into our current lives.
As I've said in past writing, there is no easy answer. I believe being self aware, introspective, and consistently curious are the keys to learning, growing, and defeating these internal messages and negative life patterns. Now that I know where it is coming from, I can change that message from way back into my childhood.
Without understanding where our self-sabotaging behavior comes from, I don't think we can address it and change it. That doesn't mean placing blame; it means letting it be what it WAS, something from the past. Look at the current evidence of your life for proof that you are not who you were as a child or teen, that the successes and resiliency of your recent life are what define the current version of you. Make sure that what you are putting out to the universe is exactly what you want in return: Love, joy, curiosity, creativity. The next chapter of your book hasn't been written yet. Make sure you write it with intention.
What baggage are you holding onto in your life? How is that manifesting in your current situation?