Episode 139: A Silent Retreat, an Adirondack Chair, and an Open Field: A Story of Letting Go
Sabrina Woods is a typical Type A personality. She thrives on setting goals and smashing them out of the park. For most of her life she pushed and climbed, and spent almost every moment DOING.
At some point, though, she started to feel tired. She started to question the constant doing, and began thinking more about being.
She was in between jobs thanks to a reorganization in the higher education institution she was working with, a couple of car accidents, and other stressful events, when she invested in herself by going on a silent retreat over a long weekend.
Pushing Ahead Rarely Leaves Room for Unusual Opportunities
In my years guiding clients in improving communication techniques, whether that's for keynote speaking or simply presenting themselves and their work, I've found that when we uncover pivotal moments in their lives and career, their most meaningful stories, they become more comfortable and confident to speak - anywhere.
As you listen to this podcast, consider the stories you share and how you share them. Think about how those stories build your personal brand, and how people perceive you based on the stories you share.
You'll hear me ask specific questions, revealing details that create an image in the minds of both the storyteller and the listener. This is a key to improving relationships with yourself and others: Being able to share your story in your voice with your genuine intent to connect with those around you.
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Sabrina Woods is a typical Type A personality. She thrives on setting goals and smashing them out of the park. For most of her life she pushed and climbed, and spent almost every moment DOING.
At some point, though, she started to feel tired. She started to question the constant doing, and began thinking more about being.
She was in between jobs thanks to a reorganization in the higher education institution she was working with, a couple of car accidents, and other stressful events, when she invested in herself by going on a silent retreat over a long weekend.
Sitting on an Adirondack chair, looking out over an open meadow, Sabrina became attached to the idea of letting go, allow for flow and openness, and take a break from pushing so hard, from beating herself up over the situation she found herself in.
As often happens, within a few months of "letting go", a perfect part time position dropped into her lap.
If you've been in that tough spot, or you're in it now, worried for the future and listening to the external voices about what you should do, it might be time to let go. Consider the worst-case-scenario, and the true likelihood of that situation occurring.
Sabrina walks us through an example of this strategy during this insightful episode, full of insights, entertainment, and of course... stories.
We touched on how our strengths show up as we make career decisions and in the projects we take on. I promised to reference our strengths here.
Sabrina's top 5: Maximizer / Activator / Ideation / Positivity / Connectedness
Sarah's top 5: Strategic / Activator / Ideation / Command / Adaptability
To learn more about the Gallup StrengthsFinder assessment, click here.
When discussing our strengths (Gallup StrengthsFinder assessment results), I mentioned how I describe the theme Maximizer, using This Is Spinal Tap, the movie, as an analogy. Here’s the scene I referred to:
Connect with Sabrina on LinkedIn, and visit her website to learn more!
From her website:
Sabrina Woods has been helping individuals for 20 years to look more closely at their interests, skills, values and desires to help them discern what really matters and take the next steps to refocus their lives.
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Sarah Elkins loves to guide individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.
A Letter to Students, Fall 2020
You Will Make Your Own Stories
You keep hearing the word unprecedented, right?
Mt. Helena, Helena, Montana 2020
For some reason, it seems to be coming with negative connotations.
What if, instead of thinking
2020 happened to me
you decide
2020 happened for me.
This is your time, friends.
Unprecedented doesn’t mean bad. It means unique.
It means no one has faced what we are facing right now, in the way that we are facing it.
What does this mean for you?
It means you get to create this year of school, whether it’s your freshman year or senior year of high school or college, or any other year in your education.
Your parents are grieving what they see as your loss, all the wonderful things they experienced as seniors.(Many of them won’t tell you that prom sucked, that graduation was boring and they slept through it, or that while there were fond memories of high school, the far more meaningful memories and stories came after those years.)
They are grieving things that haven’t happened yet. They are projecting their grief onto you.
It’s understandable because, as parents, it’s all we know. We don’t want to see you miss out on anything!
But what if we reframe this entire discussion to determine what CAN happen instead of focusing on what won’t happen.
What does that mean?
It means that you have a choice and an opportunity to create new traditions, new ways of doing things, new ways of addressing the issues our communities are currently facing.
You will not follow a traditional path. You already knew that. You’ve seen data coming from our economic and business experts, you know we’re facing a bigger and bigger gig economy, fewer traditional university and college education paths, and a majority of future jobs that we cannot even begin to imagine – all within the next 5 to 10 years.
So why not start RIGHT NOW with a non-traditional path?
Imagine yourself standing at the doorway of an institution, a school, your home, work. Imagine you are looking out at an open field with a few well-worn paths; the majority of what’s in front of you is wide open. (There’s a reason they call Montana Big Sky Country.)
You see a stunning, snow-capped mountain in the distance. You are tempted to step out of that institution, knowing going back means standing still while the world around you changes. You look out at the meadow full of giant boulders, yellow, red, and blue wildflowers, tall grasses, and very few footprints. You know there’s adventure ahead, and it makes your heart pound. You begin to smile, the corners of your mouth moving up, your eyes crinkling at the edges. There is company to be found in the wild, and you see someone in the distance that is taking an interesting journey ahead of you. You decide to head in that direction. You’re not committing to anything but leaving the institution, which you’re prepared to do.
Take the step. You have a role in your future, in the future of your community.
Our global communities are changing dramatically, and you are on the edge of that change. It’s not easy, and it feels like a huge responsibility.
You are up to it, friends.
You were born in a time of revolution in many ways, and your growing up environment prepared you for this moment. Truly.
You were raised with digital devices in your hands and learned quickly how they can get ugly. You watched your older siblings and parents become addicted to their phones, distracted from you, and many of you made the choice NOT to follow that path.
You cut your teeth on video games that actually created neural pathways to improve your hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills. Your schooling stayed traditional while you learned on your own how to connect with people all over the world, build communities around pictures, hobbies, and silly video production.
You can handle this. You WILL handle this with grace and innovation.
Stop grieving a future that never existed.
You were born for this time. Make it count.
If you are feeling like you’re standing at that doorway, but aren’t sure where to begin, send me a message. I’m offering a handful of Introduction to Strengths workshops for students. This might just be the tool you need to develop some clarity about what you do instinctively, intuitively well, and start being intentional about using those natural talents in your future.
Sarah Elkins loves to guide individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.
Episode 138: One Family Story Can Shift Our Identity
Being Jewish was always part of his identity, but it didn't seem particularly meaningful until that moment. He and his sisters started to ask questions, and learned more about the incident and the events that took place afterward. It was those stories that shifted Alan's perspective about hate, about racism, and about bigotry of every kind.
Stories of Family History Can Shift How We See Ourselves, and How We Show Up in the World
Well into his adulthood, Alan Samuel Cohen heard a family story that shifted his sense of self, his identity.
While sitting together at a family dinner with his adult siblings and aging aunts, one of those older women mentioned a specific violent incident that occurred before the family moved to America. She spoke of it clinically, historically, without anger or emotion, though it involved a violent murder that her father, Alan's grandfather, had witnessed.
Being Jewish was always part of his identity, but it didn't seem particularly meaningful until that moment. He and his sisters started to ask questions, and learned more about the incident and the events that took place afterward. It was those stories that shifted Alan's perspective about hate, about racism, and about bigotry of every kind.
In this episode of Your Stories Don't Define You, Alan and I discussed the story, how it affected him, and how he's showing up differently now, when it comes to racism and hate.
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From his website: "For over three decades Alan Cohen has worked with business leaders as an executive coach, senior marketing professional, and human resources consultant. As a sought-after speaker, author, leadership instructor and executive coach, he has helped and inspired senior-level executives and teams to become more connected to their lives and business goals, resulting in greater performance and highly improved business results."
Connect with Alan on LinkedIn, and be sure to order his recently published book.
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Sarah Elkins delights in guiding individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.
Episode 137: The Art of Leadership Starts with a Thoughtful Process
Errol Doebler's Leadership Journey Started at 6 Years Old
He was designated captain of his hockey team - at 6. Errol Doebler's father had a chat with him just before their first game.
"Errol, you're the Captain. Your team needs you to say something encouraging to them."
...And that was his first leadership lesson. He felt the pressure to lead, but also a keen sense of responsibility - and pride.
He attended the US Naval Academy and as he worked through a career that spans many industries, one thing was very clear to him, effective leadership begins with a process, and requires a combination of art and science to truly connect, motivate, and inspire.
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Connect with Errol on Linkedin, visit his website, and be sure to order his outstanding book, The Process, Art & Science of Leadership: How Leaders Inspire Confidence and Clarity in Combat, in the Boardroom, and at the Kitchen Table.
Episode 136: An Evolving Caveman: Self Reflection and Anger Management
Dr. John Schinnerer almost gave his podcast the title The Reluctant Podcaster. Similar to my own journey, starting a podcast wasn't at all on his radar. It was a vivid vision at a retreat that included workshops with Dan Millman (author of The Way of the Peaceful Warrior), spa massages, and a drum circle.
Intrigued? Listen in?
Stories of Reaching the Emotional Connections Necessary for Happiness
Dr. John Schinnerer almost gave his podcast the title The Reluctant Podcaster. Similar to my own journey, starting a podcast wasn't at all on his radar. It was a vivid vision at a retreat that included workshops with Dan Millman (author of The Way of the Peaceful Warrior), spa massages, and a drum circle.
So much of this conversation comes back to me as I consider the "ah ha" moments throughout. My favorite? The Bradley Whitford quote about receiving feedback or criticism:
I go through three phases when I hear feedback or criticism,
Fuck you.
I suck.
Wait... what?
Intrigued? Listen in!
John mentioned the availability of a replay of the Surviving to Thriving event in May, 2020, visit this site.
Be sure to reach out to connect with John via LinkedIn, follow him on Twitter, visit his websites for Anger Management, Guide to Self - executive coaching, and Divorce Support for Men, and check out his terrific podcast, The Evolved Caveman.
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Sarah Elkins delights in guiding individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.
Episode 135: Obstacles Can Be the Key to Building Resilience and Self Love
It's not unusual to have a "Series of Unfortunate Events" in our lives, those multiple years of trauma, grief, and struggle, that can either make us bitter, or help us develop resilience in a positive way, to become even more compassionate toward others.
Kerrian Fournier went through two of those phases, once in her early career, and again years later.
What is the Lesson? Your Life's Stories Create Your Identity
It's not unusual to have a "Series of Unfortunate Events" in our lives, those multiple years of trauma, grief, and struggle, that can either make us bitter, or help us develop resilience in a positive way, to become even more compassionate toward others.
Kerrian Fournier went through two of those phases, once in her early career, and again years later.
I often wonder what people see as their source of resilience, and Kerrian's is most definitely the motivation and determination to live a full life, and to demonstrate qualities of resilience, persistence, compassion, and courage for her highly intelligent daughter.
To learn more about Kerrian, visit her outstanding website, and connect with her on LinkedIn.
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Sarah Elkins delights in guiding individuals and teams to improve communication, using storytelling as the foundation of her work. She is a Gallup certified Strengths coach and uses that tool to coach her clients to improve their communication in all relationships, and to find more satisfaction at work and at home.
Her book, Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will is available on bookshop.org (supporting independent booksellers), and on Amazon. The audiobook will be available in fall 2020.
Episode 134: Using Labeling to Make a Positive Mindset Shift
As far as I'm concerned, Mareo's most striking quality is the calm, reflective way he speaks. His thoughtful, insightful writing has been in my life for at least five years. I am so grateful for his voracious appetite for books and learning because he constantly shares what he's learning and recommendations for reading material.
A Label Can Be a Positive Force in Your Personal Story
Mareo McCracken knows the negative aspect of labels like "troublemaker." He also knows the positive impact of being called a "peacemaker", which is the title his mother gave him as a child. It wasn't until he was an adult that his mother admitted he was the worst of her 6 children in terms of picking fights and antagonizing his siblings.
But after she started referring to him as "my little peacemaker", he started to live up to the label.
Labeling Theory (From ResearchGate): Labeling theory provides a distinctively sociological approach that focuses on the role of social labeling in the development of crime and deviance. The theory assumes that although deviant behavior can initially stem from various causes and conditions, once individuals have been labeled or defined as deviants, they often face new problems that stem from the reactions of self and others to negative stereotypes (stigma) that are attached to the deviant label (Becker, 1963; Lemert, 1967).
I had to satisfy my curiosity in the very beginning of the call. We've been connected for years on LinkedIn, and I never had a chance before to ask him about his unusual name. Mareo McCracken sounds like a mashup of Italian and Scottish, right?
It turns out that Mareo is a made-up name his mother came up with. It's not Italian, as you can tell by the spelling. And McCracken does come from his Scottish family, which immigrated to North America many generations ago.
As far as I'm concerned, Mareo's most striking quality is the calm, reflective way he speaks. His thoughtful, insightful writing has been in my life for at least five years. I am so grateful for his voracious appetite for books and learning because he constantly shares what he's learning and recommendations for reading material.
The lesson he left our conversation was this: Listen to those who love you and care about you. Not just one or the other, both. It was his wife who suggested he begin to share what he was learning when he was digesting at least a book each week, which is why Mareo began his adventure in blogging.
To learn more about him and to sample his outstanding writing, visit his website, and connect with him on LinkedIn.
Mareo reviewed my book, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will!
Got my copy of Sarah Elkins' book last night.
Only a few chapters in - impressed - it is powerful.
If you want to become a better leader for yourself and others, learn to tell better stories. #leadership
One of my favorite lines:
"Your stories don't have to be epic, they have to be meaningful."
Get your copy of "Your Stories Don't Define You"
Here: https://amzn.to/3dyPg6q