Episode 201: What is Risk? And How Can Storytelling Change How We Think About It?
Telling stories is more than just passing time, stories change our viewpoints in life and help us to become risk-takers.
Jonathan Klane Knows How Stories Change Attitudes and the Science Behind Why They Work
Telling stories is more than just passing time, stories change our viewpoints in life and help us to become risk-takers.
Hear from Sarah Elkins and Jonathan Klane as they dive into the science behind stories, the science behind how stories affect our perceptions of risk, and why the stories we tell are important.
Sarah and Jonathan discuss the importance of storytelling and the true impact it can have in your career, relationships, and more.
You'll love hearing about Jonathan’s rejection from the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, and the story of his father’s experience surviving an attack while serving as a sailor with the Navy in Okinawa in WWII.
“Stories are a powerful medium.”
*podcast show notes contributed by Tracy Ackeret
About Jonathan:
Jonathan grew up in New England, before moving southwest to work in safety at the Fulton Schools of Engineering at Arizona State University. There he enrolled in a Ph.D. program for Human + Social Dimensions of Science + Technology.
Jonathan uses this Ph.D. to explore how stories affect risk and safety cultures in and around research labs, where people have been harmed and even killed due to lack of decision-making.
Jonathan Klane is the Owner/Founder of Klane’s Education Information Training Hub and Director of Risk Management and Safety Education at BioRAFT.
In his free time, Jonathan enjoys writing fun stories about risk.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 196: Get Out There! Dance! Be Silly! Don't Face Regret
I remember being shy, I remember being more self conscious than I am now. I like to say I don’t regret, but there are definitely some moments in my past that I wish I could do over again. A lot of them involve sitting out a great song because I was self conscious about dancing. Opportunities flew right past me: To sing with great musicians, to dance, to swim in the ocean. The memories of that person, the girl who didn’t raise her hand to volunteer on stage, the girl who said no to a cute boy because she didn’t think she could dance, the one who was so concerned about how she looked or that she might mess up a note, those memories came back to me as I watched the woman in the audience look away from me. What a waste.
Mae West Said It Best: "I Only Regret the Things I Didn't Do"
*Note from Sarah: We're just a few weeks away from publishing our 200th episode! If you're a fan of the podcast, we'd love to hear from you and include your words in the beginning of that episode. Simply email your thoughts to sarahelkins@elkinsconsulting.com, or record a short voice memo on your phone and email it to me. Thank you in advance for helping us celebrate this milestone!*
Sarah Elkins quote and image for podcast cover art.
She was sitting on a bench in the corner of the room, watching people dancing and having fun. I could see her toe tapping, she seemed to be enjoying the music, but I couldn’t really tell because her face didn’t show any signs of a smile. I saw her the last time our band played at that venue, and remembered when she quietly came to me afterward to tell me how much she liked our band, and that if she knew how to dance, she would have. She was so shy.
I called out to her from the stage: “Come on out, dance with us! I can see you want to! Come on out and have some fun!” I motioned to my friends on the dance floor, smiling to encourage her.
Sarah Elkins performing on stage with Bob Schmitt and the band Rocket to Uranus
She looked behind her, assuming I was talking to someone else. And then she looked straight at me with zero expression. I gave up. A song or two later, I noticed she had left her spot and walked further away from stage, watching from a safer distance.
I remember being shy, I remember being more self conscious than I am now. I like to say I don’t regret, but there are definitely some moments in my past that I wish I could do over again. A lot of them involve sitting out a great song because I was self conscious about dancing. Opportunities flew right past me: To sing with great musicians, to dance, to swim in the ocean. The memories of that person, the girl who didn’t raise her hand to volunteer on stage, the girl who said no to a cute boy because she didn’t think she could dance, the one who was so concerned about how she looked or that she might mess up a note, those memories came back to me as I watched the woman in the audience look away from me. What a waste.
How did things change for me? With a little help from my friends. I was lucky enough to have friends to pull me out on the dance floor, to volunteer me to get on a stage, to tell me not to be scared. Now I’m that friend.
Rocket to Uranus on stage at Lewis and Clark Brewing, Helena, Montana 2019
At some point in my life, I realized:
It doesn’t matter if you do something silly, as long as you own it. The audience likes to see you laugh, and if there are hecklers, they really don’t matter.
The majority of the people in the audience want to see you succeed, they want to see you having fun, and many are thinking about how brave you are for getting up there.
I tell my friends, my coaching clients, my children, that they must step up when an opportunity presents itself. If, for just a moment, you think “wow, that looks like fun, I wonder what it’s like to…,” take it. Leave that self conscious person behind and take the leap.
Sarah Elkins quote and image for podcast cover art.
Living with regret is not living. When you don’t have the energy or physical ability to dance, you will be sitting in the corner, thinking “what I’d give to dance right now. I love this song.”
I hope not. I know I won’t be that person.
I’ll be the one holding the mic.
ABOUT SARAH:
"Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."
Image of Sarah with dog, Toby, in the snow with Elkins Consulting logo and Gallup StrengthsFinder logo
In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.
My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.
The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!
Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.
Episode 107: Strategies to Take Action to Avoid Future Regrets
4 Simple Strategies to Take Action
1.) Find Your Tribe – surround yourself with people who support and encourage you. Find a group of friends and peers that are doing things you want to be doing, people who will give you the hard truth about your dream and offer to help find solutions to obstacles. Make sure these are people you trust, and that you actually listen to their suggestions! You are unlikely to find support in people who have never done what you want to do, or who live with a low-risk, low-reward mentality, people who make fear-based decisions.
If You Don’t Do SOMETHING, Nothing Will Change
My dream is to create a sewing business around a design I created.
That’s terrific, Nancy, tell me about that!
I’ve always loved to sew, and I’ve created a pattern that can be easily replicated and scaled to different sizes and materials. It’s such a cool design, and I have never seen anything quite like it. It’s functional, and every person I’ve given one to as a gift, or who has seen it has loved it and wanted more.
Very cool! What are doing now to make this dream happen?
What do you mean?
I mean, in the evenings, on weekends, and when you can get breaks during your workday, what are you DOING?
Oh. Well by the time I get home from work, I’m emotionally and intellectually spent, so I don’t have the energy or even the creativity to sew. And with my mom’s health problems, and helping out with my grandkids, I just don’t have time to work on my own things.
Hmmm. Do you have space set up so that if and when you have a little time, you can jump right into creative mode and layout your next project - or start to sew?
No. My sewing room is filled with boxes and stuff from when I moved last year.
Our conversation continued along those lines, an excuse for every suggestion I made:
Maybe start by setting aside 15 minutes when you get home from work to put your sewing room in order?
Schedule 15 minutes 3x each week to organize your fabrics and start planning projects?
Think about setting a small goal, like sewing 3 of your design to take pictures and start a portfolio?
She had a reason she couldn’t do those things – for every suggestion.
So I asked her:
Will we have this same conversation a year from now, 5 years from now? Will you regret not doing something to change this?
If you don’t take action right now – today – you will not see any changes in your life. Guaranteed. You’re unhappy, but unwilling to change anything, so you will continue to be unhappy and dissatisfied. How do you think that impacts your relationship with your kids, grandkids, and coworkers? Do you think they don’t know you’re unhappy, do you think you’re hiding it?
That’s when she walked away from me - I felt like I had failed my friend. She walked away with her shoulders slumped, deflated. My heart broke, thinking I had gone too far, hurt her feelings and maybe made things worse.
I gave it a few hours, and then sent her a text message saying: “I hope I didn’t go too far. It just makes me sad to see you so unhappy because you are such a generous and compassionate person. You deserve happiness.”
She didn’t respond to my message. When we saw each other over the next few months she’d smile at me and we would exchange small talk, but I could tell she was uncomfortable. A few months later I gave my notice, said my goodbyes, and moved on to another career path, following a dream.
A year after that I was in the building again and ran into my friend. Her face absolutely glowed as she bee-lined toward me and gave me a huge hug. I hadn’t seen her like that – ever – and asked what was going on.
I have been thinking about calling you, Sarah, but I couldn’t find the right time, and I felt weird about it, even though I wanted to tell you that I’ve been sewing again and have sold a few of my designs! My ideas are flowing and I’m feeling creative again, it feels SO GOOD.
I asked her: “What changed? What was the inspiration that motivated you to do it?”
Remember when you asked me if I would regret not doing something about this dream a year from now? You asked if we were going to continue to have this same conversation year after year? It took me a few weeks to recover from that conversation. I felt like a loser. But then I remembered one of your suggestions, to schedule small chunks of time to make a physical, comfortable space for my sewing, to organize my sewing room to make it more inviting. And that’s what I did. It took MONTHS. But then, about a week after I finished, I walked into that room and was absolutely inspired to start a project.
I planned to spend 15 minutes on it, but walked out 1.5 hours later with a completed project and felt amazing. It was like a veil had lifted and my creativity returned.
Wow! I’m so happy to hear that! Has anything changed at work?
Yes! That’s the thing, I am finding my job a little more satisfying. Nothing here has changed. I still deal with the obnoxious attitude from you-know-who, and continue to have more work dumped on me than I can handle, but I look at it differently now that I’m making time for myself and having fun exploring my creative side again.
We hugged goodbye, promised to keep in touch, and I left the building as if I was walking on air.
We can talk about things we want to do, dreams we have, ideas we want to initiate and implement, but until we take a step that’s all those things are – dreams and ideas.
The only way we see change in our lives is if we initiate it or something happens to us. I would much rather be the one to initiate it most of the time, how about you?
4 Simple Strategies to Take Action
1.) Find Your Tribe – surround yourself with people who support and encourage you. Find a group of friends and peers that are doing things you want to be doing, people who will give you the hard truth about your dream and offer to help find solutions to obstacles. Make sure these are people you trust, and that you actually listen to their suggestions! You are unlikely to find support in people who have never done what you want to do, or who live with a low-risk, low-reward mentality, people who make fear-based decisions.
2.) Schedule Baby Steps – use the calendar on your phone or desk/refrigerator calendar to schedule short appointments for yourself, maybe 15 minute intervals to work on your dream in some way. If you spend 15 minutes every day being outcome-oriented toward your goal, you will see major changes in all aspects of your life. What do I mean by outcome-oriented? Think about something you can complete in that time, like organizing a pile of papers on your desk, scheduling calls or coffee dates with people who can help you, and who you feel like you can help (accountability partners, for instance), or writing up a blog post.
3.) Say Yes – when opportunities present themselves, show up. Step out of your comfort zone.
4.) Change Your Environment – Periodically changing your environment keeps your brain limber, more aware, and creative. That means weekend road trips, walks, taking different routes to work, time in nature, traveling, and exploring alternative hobbies.
If you’re tired of the same conversation, year after year, and realize you will most definitely regret NOT doing something, NOT taking action toward a dream or goal, do something about it TODAY.
Join me and an extraordinary group of professionals at the 2020, 4th annual No Longer Virtual conference on March 12 & 13th in Chicago. When I say “find your tribe”, this group is what I’m talking about. The common characteristics of people who attend are curiosity, compassion, and an entrepreneurial mindset.
The agenda is full of relevant, engaging sessions, and you’ll be surrounded by some of the most wicked-smart, generous, creative, supportive professionals around. Limited to 50 participants, you’ll have the opportunity to truly connect and build strong relationships. And the best part? You’ll avoid the “after-conference hangover” by remaining in close contact with your network after the event.
Here’s a peek at the agenda:
Supercharge your LinkedIn experience, hosted by Shelly Elsliger & Zach Messler
Turning ideas into action by clarifying your why, prioritizing, action planning & increasing accountability, hosted by Kris Macc & Craig Thomason
Non-sales workshop to engage your audience and grow your revenue, hosted by Hannah Bratterud and Arlene Mendoza
Achieving win-win relationships to improve your outcomes, with a field trip to the Art Institute of Chicago, hosted by Chris Spurvey & Megan Miller
Nurturing your emotional health to improve outcomes, hosted by Renee Smith & Kevin Strauss
DISCOUNT CODE:
Since early registration ended, here’s a $100 discount offer from the full price NLVFRIEND, and if you make arrangements with me to register two or more guests, I’ll offer a discount code for $125 off each of your registrations.
There are 13 spots left as of January 12, 2020!
I hope to see you at #nlvchicago2020, investing in yourself, taking the steps necessary to take action toward your dreams, and building and nurturing your network that can help you get there.
Episode 64: Like Change, Uncertainty Is a Constant Undercurrent in Life
Stories of Risk and Addressing Uncertainty
Marylene Delbourg-Delphis doesn’t see risk the same way most people might define it. To her, it’s all about how prepared you are for whatever step you intend to take, the people you’ve surrounded yourself with and trust to take that step with you, and your ability to address uncertainty at any given moment.
Uncertainty is, like change, a constant undercurrent of life. There’s nothing certain in life, and there definitely isn’t anything certain in business. So how do we find ways to cope with an ever-uncertain world?
As a founding CEO and a turn-around CEO, Marylene has learned to quickly identify the resources she will need to address uncertainty and to make decisions effectively. She also has learned to trust that people truly want to learn, they have the capacity to learn, and they want to do a good job.
We covered a lot of ground in our conversation about how she sees risk, and how she addresses learning and innovation in her employees. One strategy Marylene uses in her presentations is to include music, particularly classical symphonies and opera. Here are a few links we agreed to share for you - our listeners - to get a better understanding of the impact:
Hector Berlioz - Symphonie Fantastique
Why listen to what Marylene has to say about building a strong, engaged, trusting workplace? For one thing, she has had great success in this area. For another, she is the one who, when she started her first US tech firm, poached Guy Kawasaki from Apple, and wrote the French forward for his recent book!
The operatic piece she mentioned, featuring Maria Callas:
And the book The Republic, by the philosopher Plato.
Learn more about Marylene by checking out her book, Everybody Wants to Love Their Job, and by connecting with her on LinkedIn.
Are you enjoying listening to episodes of this podcast? Are you wondering how you can help me sustain this project, to support and encourage the sharing of important stories?
Here are a few ideas!
1) Leave a rating and comment on your favorite podcast service like iTunes or Stitcher
2) Share a link to the show and tell people why you like it
3) Become a sponsor (for as little as $2/month) by going to Patreon
The Stories You Share Define You
The Stories You Share Demonstrate Your Character
When Kyle Burt shared the story of creating a roller hockey team from scratch at Arizona State University, and how he did it, I was immediately intrigued.
This is far less common than I used to think: Some people do what they say they're going to do. And they dive head first into whatever it is, there's no toe-dipping for people like that.
As soon as I heard Kyle's story, I knew a few things about his character. He told the story with some level of humor and humility, not taking all the credit himself, and he shared the story as a reminder that we can all do what we set out to do if we use our resources and follow through. He didn't need to tell me he was a "do-er", that he is a leader, or that he has a sense of humor. He demonstrated all of those things in his story.
The great thing about our lives is that as adults, we choose our next move, our response to situations, and the people we spend time with. When we surround ourselves with people who support us, encourage us, and who have the enthusiasm to follow through with us, we can accomplish great things.
Connect with Kyle on LinkedIn, watch a recent episode of his show, #CoffeeWithKyles, and visit his website to learn more about him.
Your "What" Defines Your "Why", and Your "How" Follows
I walked away from the workshop with that Rock Star Feeling (RSF). It's that feeling when you walk away from an encounter, project, or situation knowing you nailed it. I call it RSF because I've experienced it as a musician; walking away from a performance with that euphoric high feeling, and knowing you will do almost anything to feel that way again... soon.
It was a valuable couple of hours for me, and not because I was paid for them. I walked away from the workshop with that Rock Star Feeling (RSF). It's that feeling when you walk away from an encounter, project, or situation knowing you nailed it. I call it RSF because I've experienced it as a musician; walking away from a performance with that euphoric high feeling, and knowing you will do almost anything to feel that way again... soon. It's that sense that you're really good at something; you've contributed, and that you're providing value to the people around you.
1.) Storytelling to Improve Sales
I had completed a two-hour workshop focused on the topic of storytelling to improve sales, as part of a two-day retreat for a regional group of sales leaders, when I walked away with that feeling. When the workshop ended, almost everyone in the room took a moment to ask me a question, share a story, or hug me before I walked out the door.
As a group, we created space for everyone in that room to feel safe, comfortable, and curious. We shared stories that connected us, and we discussed what makes a specific personal story the right story to share, when, and how to share it. We talked about reading our audience, and we came to the conclusion that in sales, we have to be in it for the long haul if we want to sustain our business and the relationships we create. It was clear that sharing a personal story is one great strategy to draw out the stories of others. We also talked about the fact that business is about people, and that when someone buys from us, they're not just buying a product; they're creating a relationship with us.
It took me a few hours to decompress and process everything that happened in those two hours, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I had discovered - or uncovered - something about myself that I had been searching for.
2.) No Longer Virtual
That was two weeks before I hosted the second annual No Longer Virtual conference, or #NLVDenver. Not quite a rock star feeling, as I decompressed in the days following #NLV, I found myself a little conflicted. I knew it was a success, and by the accounts of almost every participant, people got far more out of attending than they could have imagined. But I couldn't put my finger on what, exactly, was giving me this feeling of dissatisfaction. That is - until I was sharing this vulnerability with my dear friend Aaron Skogen, and he asked me this question:
How did you plan to define success with #NLV?
I was more than a little embarrassed. With all of my education, experience and my incredible support network, I hadn't considered this important question at all. Well, that's not exactly true. I had considered what I wanted out of #NLV, but I hadn't written it down anywhere. I hadn't told anyone, and I hadn't found ways to quantify success, other than breaking even financially in the first few years.
When I considered the question, I realized that success for NLV was simply creating an environment for people to connect authentically, and to learn and grow together. And it was certainly a success if I measured it that way.
A few years ago, I realized I'm a slow processor. It takes time for me to fully process an event, an incident, an intense conversation. By process, I mean to fully reflect on what it meant to me, the lessons I could learn from it, and how I'll apply whatever it was to future scenarios. And now, more than a year after the first #NLV, I'm finally feeling like I've fully processed the experience.
Good things come in threes, I'm told, and it was the third event that finally helped me put things together in my head.
3.) Women's Leadership Network, Helena, Membership Social
Our local Women's Leadership Network hosted a social event and invited women from all over the community to network, ride the carousel, drink champagne, and eat ice cream. The goal was to create buzz and recognition for our growing, thriving organization, and to encourage more women to join. It was a success in many ways, but the key for me was the environment we created as a board. We created space in our little community for women to be together in a casual, fun place, to share food and drinks, and to be comfortable being themselves.
For a while, I focused on my "why" as my ability to encourage people to step out of their comfort zones and take risks they wouldn't otherwise take. Now I know that ability is a component of something more dynamic. It took me figuring out my "what" to truly define my "why". Sounds backward, right? Does it matter how you get there, as long as you get there? I don't think so.
Here it is, my "what"... drum roll, please...
As I work to process this new idea, I can see that everything I've done successfully in my past has been part of this "why", from hosting guests in our home, to facilitating groups for the Montana University System, to creating a safe place in an office for people to share their frustrations and successes.
Where ever I sit, I am compelled to create an environment where people feel safe and confident to share their biggest dreams, fears, joys, and challenges. Whatever I am doing, I find my joy, my satisfaction, in creating space for people to take risks for personal and professional growth, and support and motivate them to take specific steps to achieve their goals.
And my "why" followed:
This isn't an overnight lightning bolt; it has taken years of self reflection to come to my "why", and many pivotal conversations with people who know me, and for whom I have so much respect, admiration, and gratitude. What's a little disconcerting is that one person has been telling me this for almost 20 years; I'm not sure I was ready to believe it, and I definitely didn't have a clue how to apply it to providing income for me and my family.
And now? Now I'm ready to put my "why" into my "what", so the "how" will present itself. (Thanks, Arminda Lindsay.)
I'm asking for your help in putting my "what" into action:
When you're planning a retreat or conference, and you want a session that's truly unique, engaging, and effective in creating space for your team to explore storytelling as a tool for communication and sales, call me. Let's explore how my "why" can help you fully realize your "how".
Get Out There!
I called out to her from the stage: "Come on! I can tell you want to let loose and dance! Come on out and have some fun!"
Photo by Eliza Wiley, Lakeside Helena with Sarah Elkins and Bruce Anfinson, Cowboy Poet
She was sitting on a bench in the corner of the room, watching people dancing and having fun. I could see her toe tapping, she seemed to be enjoying the music, but I couldn't really tell because her face didn't show any signs of a smile. I saw her the last time our band played at that venue, and remembered when she quietly came to me afterward to tell me how much she liked our band, and that if she knew how to dance, she would have. She was so shy.
I called out to her from the stage: "Come on out, dance with us! I can see you want to! Come on out and have some fun!" I motioned to my friends on the dance floor, smiling to encourage her.
She looked behind her, assuming I was talking to someone else. And then she looked straight at me with zero expression. I gave up. A song or two later, I noticed she had left her spot and walked further away from stage, watching from a safer distance.
I remember being shy, I remember being more self conscious than I am now. I like to say I don't regret, but there are definitely some moments in my past that I wish I could do over again. A lot of them involve sitting out a great song because I was self conscious about dancing. Opportunities flew right past me: To sing with great musicians, to dance, to swim in the ocean. The memories of that person, the girl who didn't raise her hand to volunteer on stage, the girl who said no to a cute boy because she didn't think she could dance, the one who was so concerned about how she looked or that she might mess up a note, those memories came back to me as I watched the woman in the audience look away from me. What a waste.
How did things change for me? With a little help from my friends. I was lucky enough to have friends to pull me out on the dance floor, to volunteer me to get on a stage, to tell me not to be scared. Now I'm that friend.
At some point in my life, I realized:
- It doesn't matter if you do something silly, as long as you own it. The audience likes to see you laugh, and if there are hecklers, they really don't matter.
- The majority of the people in the audience want to see you succeed, they want to see you having fun, and many are thinking about how brave you are for getting up there.
I tell my friends, my coaching clients, my children, that they must step up when an opportunity presents itself. If for just a moment you think "wow, that looks like fun, I wonder what it's like to...", take it. Leave that self conscious person behind and take the leap.
Living with regret is not living. When you don't have the energy or physical ability to dance, will you be sitting in the corner, thinking "what I'd give to dance right now. I love this song."
I hope not. I know I won't be that person.
I'll be the one holding the mic.